Kant? Or...won't?
The drug dealer with the late shipment had to tell his clients: "Ecstasy you later..."
My favourite Smiths song about a hair care legend: "How Sassoon is Now?"
I wanted to divide the income on a pro rata basis, but I've never been good with math, so it ended up being more amateur rata...
My favourite disgraced New York DA/low alcohol beverage: Elliott Spritzer...
My favourite TV spinoff series/way of freshening a room: Better Call Aerosol...
Today, we treat with ease the tea tray's tee tease...
My favourite Canadian stand-up comic starring in a Star Wars spinoff: The Howie Mandelorian...
Whenever I ardently profess my love of paper, I can't help but feel that I'm preaching to the quire...
The miserly leprechaun was the despot of gold at the end of the rainbow...
The patriotic programmer knew everything from USA to USB...
My favourite Canadian stand-up comic/mathematician used to act on a Howie Mandelbrot set...
If you have hurt your arm from doing too many film stunts, you may be suffering from Idris Elbow...
My favourite elderly couple of yokels as portrayed by a classical cellist: Yo-yo Ma and Pa Kettle...
All of the aliens who did not appear in Alien or on Star Trek could be considered ET cetera...
I wasn't sure the native American tribe of Arizona would be able to get justice, but Hopi springs eternal...
My favourite celestial body/nobleman known for his fantastical stories: Aldebaran von Munchausen...
Rule number one for stock investors: when life gives you bears, make barricades...
Little Miss Tuffet grew up to be elected to the House, where she chaired the Wheys and Means Committee...
Considering how often the TV handyman hurt himself, it's a surprise that he never suffered from Red ganGreen...
Trying to get Agnew to admit to wrongdoing was referred to as "Spiro fishing..."
I wish I could say that I voted for Stevenson, but I cannot tell an Adlai...
My favourite country singer/cinematic psychopath: Randy Travis Bickle...
I don't want to wear that protective headpiece. You know what they say: "You snoods, you lose!"
I love looking at all of the plastic overlays in the Acetate Modern Museum...
My favourite movie about a man having to wake up early in the morning to feed his infant daughter: Dawn of the Dad...
My favourite Canadian rock group of the 1980s/former advertising executive turned industry critic of the 1950s: Strange Advance Packard...
When my favourite hockey goaltender used to let in an easy goal, I would make a Jacques Face-Plante...
When I see a proud parent's video that has obviously been staged, I often respond, "What a cued baby!"
My favourite Sasha Baron Cohen character/character in an Arabian Nights tale: Ali G. Baba...
Could you call a frame from the film The Green Mile a prison cel?
If Romeo had grown up to be a successful surgeon, he would be asking himself: "Tibia or not tibia..."
Conservative MSNBC critics suffer from Rachel Mad Cow Disease...
My favourite Elvis song sung by Oliver Twist: "Don't Be Gruel..."
When the judge entered with heavy eyeshadow, the defence attorney cried: "This is a mascara of justice!"
More and more, people who haven't gotten on the phone with the people they want to talk to have to tell their personal digital assistant: "Siri, wrong number..."
My favourite Rowan Atkinson show/ADHD drug: Black Adderall...
My favourite special effect for a hero of spy films from the 1960s: Matte Helm...
The guy who spent the evening making fertilizer could be said to have pulled an all niter...
When you wake up in a German hospital with teeth marks on your legs, you need to find the herr of the dog that bit you...
When Donald Trump took over American economic policy, he announced, "We're going to do things differently, now. There's a new tariff in town..."
My favourite science fiction writer to wear on a windy day: Orson Scott Cardigan...
The Greek ringmaster wanted to buy another cover for his acts, but he found the price of even the used one an ex-Zorba-tent expense...
If you want to find supporters of Democratic Presidential hopeful Sanders, should you use a Bernie Cerebro...?
If Hegel had written James Bond novels instead of Ian Fleming, would they have names like Live and Let Dialectic...?
If Little Miss Tuffet's story had starred Al Pacino, it would have been called Carlito's Whey...
If you criticize one large mammal while giving others a pass for the same behaviour, you are being hippo critical...
My favourite Asian revolutionary/borscht belt comedian: Chang Kai Sheckie Green...
