Thank you, PLACEHOLDER TEXT, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, the Toronto Raptors won the NBA championship. And, we decided to let the cares of the world fade away while we basked in the glory of their achievement. Our achievement. Global climate change? Not now - we're basking. Looming war with Iran? Can't you see the "Do Not Disturb" sign on our soul? The Raptors have done us proud. The fact that Kawhi Leonard may not play for the team next year? Don't - we - that is -
Dammit!
Enjoy,WARNING: Journalist On The Stephanopoulos!
Excerpt from a transcript of an interview between President Donald Trump and George Stephanopoulos.
PRESIDENT TRUMP: If another country - like Scandinavia - I've never been to Scandinavia, but I hear the tar pits are stunning - what I'm saying is that if Scandinavia or some other country offered me oppo research - we call it oppo research, now - they used to call it "dirt," but...well...I don't really know why they stopped calling it that, but...umm...we do, so...what was I - oh, yeah. Scandinavia. If they offered to give me information on an opponent, of course I would immediately take it to the FBI. After I had read it, of course. And, made copies for my staff. And, the media. But, the FBI. Taking it to them. The information. Yeah. It's the right thing to do. I've said that all along.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Mister President, that's not what you've said all along.
PRESIDENT TRUMP: Sure, it is.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Last week, you said you wouldn't share any information you got from a foreign government with the FBI. You said that if the foreign government wanted to give the information to the FBI, they wouldn't have given it to you.
PRESIDENT TRUMP: No, I didn't.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Play the video.
PRESIDENT TRUMP ON VIDEO: If I got information from a foreign government, I wouldn't share it with the FBI. Why would I? If the foreign government wanted to give the information to the FBI, they wouldn't have given it to me, would they?
PRESIDENT TRUMP: That's not me.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: It's a video of you.
PRESIDENT TRUMP: No, it isn't. It's Alec Baldwin. Playing me. And, not even that well.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: [!]
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/everybodyistrumpschump.shtml]
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The Theme Song About A Modern Stoned Age Family Practically Writes Itself
Amazon. The Flintstones. Based on recent archeological evidence that people smoked pot thousands of years ago, the classic cartoon is reimagined for the twenty-first century as a stoner sitcom. The first episode: Fred gets in trouble at work when his attention momentarily slips and he drops a load of rocks on Mr. Slate; Barney spends all of mother's day eating chips on the couch, trying to imagine how to help Betty celebrate.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Press Release Finds New Washington Reality Hard To Stomach
In response to an agreement on immigration reached by the United States and Mexico, the latter's immigration chief resigned. He was immediately replaced by Mexico's director of prisons.
That should tell you all you need to know about the agreement.
In the meantime, a US plan to make asylum seekers from Honduras and El Salvador seek refuge in Guatemala has come under fire from human rights groups on both sides of the border.
"Where do I begin?" sighed a press release from Human Rights First. "You can't send people back to where they came from if you're not sending them back to where they came from. Shit like that really hurts my brain. Oh, and, the plan to save money by sending asylum seekers out of the country in the wheel wells of airplanes? I can't even!"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2019Jun11.html]
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It's Lighthouses All The Way Down
The Conservative Party of Canada does not believe that global climate change is a thing. They should talk to the people of Prince Edward Island some time. A lighthouse had to be built close to the shore of Cape Eggmountain to alert vessels of the danger of the previous Cape Eggmountain lighthouse, which, thanks to a rising shoreline, is now half-buried in water.
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=515]
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These Modern Bible Translations Really Cut To The Chase, Don't They?
You might have thought that a Catholic Bishop who, by his own admission, had ignored incidents of child sexual abuse when they occurred in his church, would be slow to accuse other groups of being bad for children. To which I would reply: have you ever met the basket of deplorables?
It's unfortunate that there was no 11th commandment: "Thou shalt not project thine own fears and bad behaviours on socially disadvantaged groups." Who knows? Maybe God is absent from our day to day lives because he's busy dealing with such issues with his shrink. Too bad nobody has communicated that to his priests.
In any case, the Bible - you know, the book Thomas Tobin, the Bishop of Rhode Island claims to have based his entire life following - is pretty clear on this subject. "Why do you look at the finger in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the penis in your own eye?" Mark wrote. There's also a passage about not judging because...something something judged. Cut me some slack, okay? The New Testament wasn't a big part of Mister Shapiro's Hebrew class!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Do...Do You Know Something We Don't Know?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=2376353037]
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Kilmeade Immediately Groveled For Forgiveness, Agreeing That He Was Out Of Line
The Office of Special Counsel has recommended that President Donald Trump fire White House spokeswaif KellyAnne Conway for repeatedly violating the Hatch Act, which prohibits government officials from engaging in partisan political activity.
President Trump said he would not fire Conway, saying, "It looks to me like they're trying to take away her right to free speech, and that's just not fair."
When Brian Kilmeade responded, "But, Mister President, this isn't a matter of free speech. It's -" President Trump cut him off with a curt, "Shut up!"
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448832-president-refuses-to-fire-wayward-blond-employee]
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