Thank you, Alien Liberation Front, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, in a court decision, we discovered that the Ontario government will allow elementary and high school teachers to use their own judgment when it comes to sex ed classes. Whuuuuuut‽ We were ready to use the sex ed snitch line, and now this? We had spritzed the back of our throats and spent twenty minutes singing scales to make sure our voices were up to the task of ratting out teachers who dared tell their students about things we don't think they should know! The students, we mean. Oh, hell, the teachers, too! In fact, we're upset that we know about them. Certain subjects are taboo for a reason, you know!
Enjoy,The Fish Poetries From The Head
The Strength of a Cabinet Depends Upon the Materials You Use To Build It
Scott PruittSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/800.html]
more
Admirable, If Somewhat Belated, Restraint
For the first time in three weeks, the case of alleged interference by the Liberal Party in the SNC-Lavalin court case has not made the front page of the Toronto Star.
"We just ran out of outrage," said a member of the Star editorial board who asked not to be named. "We were sitting around, trying to come up with a new way of expressing how terrible the Liberals' breach of trust was, and one of us said, 'Is this really as bad as we've been making it out to be?' And, nobody could answer that question."
This didn't stop the newspaper from running six pages on the case in its news section. But, it's a start...
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
[http://www.wryerson.ca/wrj/online/prachamundurie-jones1.html]
more
The World Bridge Federation has suspended the game's top player, Geir Helgemo, after he tested positive for synthetic testosterone and the female fertility drug clomifene at a World Bridge Series event.
"We should have known something was wrong," Kari-Anne Opsal, president of the Norwegian Bridge Federation, admitted, "when Geir reached across the table and punched his partner for failing to make a five club contract that was cold. We just thought - you know, as intense competitors will, he had gotten caught up in the moment..."
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#50088133745]
more
All Of Stalin's Victims?
To celebrate the rebirth of the nuclear arms race, a choir in St. Petersburg recenntly sang a satirical Soviet-era song about a nuclear attack on the United States. The song from 1980 jokingly describes Soviet submariners and bomber pilots preparing to launch nuclear weapons "for three rubles."
Who says the Soviets had no sense of humour?
SOURCE: Demi-TASS
[http://en.demi-tass.com/russia/744293]
more
Famed Film Director Defends The Value Of The Suspension Of Disbelief (Because You Have To Suspend Your Disbelief That He, Of All People, Made That Statement)
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
The most senior Catholic cleric ever charged with child sex abuse has been convicted of molesting two choirboys moments after celebrating Mass, dealing a new blow to the Catholic hierarchy's credibility after a year of global revelations of abuse and coverup. Instead, the Pope refused to enact the anticipated "zero tolerance" when dealing with pedophile priests, delivering instead a platitude that the church would "spare no effort" - sound that signified nothing.
[Cardinal George] Pell faces a potential maximum 50-year prison term after a sentencing hearing that begins on Wednesday. "Our work has made us realize once again that the gravity of the scourge of sexual abuse of minors is, and historically has been, a widespread phenomenon in all cultures and societies," he [Pope Francis] continued.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
more
...Which We Drew
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1008533745]
more
He Saw The Films That Had Won Oscars This Year And Said, "That's It. I'm Outta Here!"
Stanley Donen has died at the age of 94 of an undisclosed illness. He is best known for Royal Wedding, which featured a scene of Fred Astaire dancing up a wall and on the ceiling, which won an Oscar in the year...never. He also directed Gene Kelly in Singin' in the Rain, a popular musical that won an Academy Award...when hell froze over. But, he did win an Oscar for...well, not Charade...or Two for the Road...or - okay, look, he won a lifetime achievement Oscar, so that made everything ok. Ok?
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
more
The Prime Minister Barked Giddily, Then Chased His Tail For A Few Hours
The RCMP arrested Meng Wanzhou, the CFO of Chinese tech giant Huawei, in anticipation of extraditing her to the US on fraud charges. Larry Kudlow, an economic adviser to US President Donald Trump, responded that, "I'm so proud of Prime Minister Trudeau for staying with the rule of law and assisting the United States. I'm so proud of him."
Then, he patted the country on the head and said, "Who's a good boy, then? Yes! Yes! You're a good boy! Want a doggie biscuit? Sure, you do! That's what good boys get!
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20190302.eladvote0302_@/BNStory/newsOops2019/]
more