Quotes Wishes Unsaid What It Said, But...You Know...

Who Thought He Would Reveal Himself To Be An Anarchist?

Anybody Who Has Been Following His Public Pronouncements On Behalf Of President Trump, Actually...

"If we're going to start making moral judgments about everybody in public office, we will have nobody in public office." - Rudy Giuliani

Yes, We Told You To Get A Room For 65% Of Your Activities, But We Never Imagined It Would Be At 30,000 Feet!

"In this dope-filled world, get in a long tube with a bunch of demons, and it's deadly... If I flew commercial, I'd have to stop 65% of what I'm doing. That's the main reason." - prosperity gospel preacher Kenneth Copeland explaining why he needs to fly on his own private jet

When Conservatives Speak Of The Constitution, I Reach For My BB Gun

"I think most Americans believe that multiple murderers shouldn't have gun rights. Most Americans support background checks. The Second Amendment's important to me, but it's not a suicide pact." - Republican Senator Lindsey Graham

Thus Proving The Folly Of Lack Of Competition In The Marketplace Of Economic Ideas

"Economists have moved away from measuring competition merely through market shares or the number of companies in a given market. Instead, they tend to emphasize the 'threat' of competition." - Vincent Geloso, associate researcher, Montreal Economic Institute

I Welcome The Newspaper's Openness To Absurdity, Although I Am Wary Of The Newspaper's Openness To Absurdity

"In a combined statement Thursday afternoon, the Muslim council and race relations alliance 'welcomed' news that the rally had been rescheduled, but were wary it could be rescheduled." - Toronto Star

"Do You Like How I Was Able To Say That With A Straight Face? I Practised For Hoooouuurs In Front Of The Mirror!"

"We don't hate anyone. We just want to have our own celebration just like everybody else has a right to. All people from all communities are welcome, as long as they show mutual respect." - John Hugo, President of Super Happy Fun America, an organization with ties to far-right group Resist Marxism, which is seeking permission to hold a "straight pride" parade in Boston

Newspaper Scrapped Bottom Of Barrel When It Chose THAT Proofreader

"Provinces that refused to develop their own pricing schemes to meet this threshold have the federal 'backstop' system imposed in their jurisdictions. So far, this includes Ontario, Saskatchewan, New Brunswick and Manitoba - though Alberta is set to join them in January, after Premier Jason Kenney scraped the province's carbon tax when he took power earlier this year." - Toronto Star

Half- and On Cheap Whisky

"We were cocked and loaded to retaliate last night" - Donald Trump on engaging the military to start a war with Iran

Soooo, You're Saying That I Should Stop Watching Lucifer?

"When you go to your favourite fast food restaurant, you are going to be eating a fake hamburger. You're going to go to the grocery store and buy a pound of fake hamburger or a fake steak, and you won't know that it was grown in some big corporation's laboratory. This is the nightmare world that they are taking us into. They're changing God's creation. Why? Because they want to be God. God is an environmentalist. He takes this very seriously. He created this planet, he created the universe and he's watching these Luciferians destroy this planet, destroy the animal kingdom, destroy the plant kingdom, change human DNA. Why? They want to change human DNA so that you can't be born again. That's where they're going with this, to change the DNA of humans so it will be impossible for a human to be born again. They want to create a race of soulless creatures on this planet." - Christian TV Host Rick Wiles on meatless burgers

Crazytown Has A Fantastic Tourism Bureau

"He's an idiot. It's pointless to try to convince him of anything. He's gone off the rails. We're in Crazytown. I don't even know why any of us are here. This is the worst job I've ever had." - former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly on Donald Trump

And, You Can Trust Me Because...

"Nobody should lie. But, you know, you're a politician now, so politicians lie when their lips are moving, and so all these people lie. But, you should probably dial down the lying because you don't need to." - former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci addressing President Trump through CNN

You Mean, Like, Proms And Yearbooks And Stuff?
If So, The 50s Might Want To Talk To You About That...

"I think we all know what kind of crazy Marxist nonsense student unions get up to." - Ontario Premier Doug Ford

How Many Angels Can Dance On The Title Page Of A Sexual Abuse Complaint?

"When the Holy Father, referring to the dissolution of a congregation, spoke of 'sexual slavery,' he meant 'manipulation,' a form of abuse of power which is reflected also in sexual abuse." - Vatican spokesperson Alessandro Gisotti, clarifying remarks the Pope made about Catholic nuns being subjected to "sexual slavery" by the founder of a French order

Sometimes, Conservatives Make It Too Easy

"An Oreo?" - Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson mistaking the acronym REO (real-estate owned) in testimony to a Congressional committee

The Children Should Get All Of The Care They Need When We Have Completely Eliminated All Of The People Who Give It

"In order for our organization to be able to continue to provide much-needed services to children with autism and their families in their new environment, we have had to make some significant staffing reductions." - Ontario Minister of Children, Community and Social Services Lisa MacLeod

We All Live In Hope (Except For Irony, Which Cowers In Despair)

"I hope that it will be that I showed up every day and I did the very best job that I could to put forward the president's message...to do the best job that I could to answer questions. To be transparent and honest throughout that process and do everything I could to make America a little better that day than it was the day before." - Sarah Huckabee Sanders on how she would like to be remembered as White House press secretary