What the Heck do You Know? Was Just Minding Its Own Business...

1) Mississippi Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith once said of a friend of hers, "If he invited me to a public hanging, I'd be in the front row." In a state with a history of lynching, she was clearly not talking about Louis XIV. What was her best defence of what, to many of her constituents, was a highly objectionable comment? a) "I released a statement yesterday and I stand by it."
b) "I stand by the statement I released yesterday."
c) "There has been a statement, and I stand by it."
d) "I stand by my previous statement."
e) "Previous statement, stand by it I do."
f) "Previous statement. I stand by it."
g) "Statement. Stand by."
h) "Sssssss."
i) other previous statement stood by



 2) What was Alexander Prokopchuk's prime qualification to head Interpol? a) his winning way with Kremlin detainees
b) his abuse of Interpol's "red notice" system to harass political opponents while leading Interpol's Russian office
c) his friendship with Vladimir Putin

 3) What is the difference between Ontario's plan to have large industrial companies pay for pollution if they exceed emissions standards that will be set by the province and the federal plan to have large industrial companies pay for pollution if they exceed emissions standards that will be set by Ottawa, a plan that the Ford government claims to detest? a) three letters
b) three letters and a $31 million ad campaign attacking the federal climate change programme
c) three lawyer's letters and a whole lot of public posturing

 4) During the 2017-2018 session of the Michigan legislature, GOP Senate Majority Leader Arlan Meekhof introduced a bill that would have allowed the creation of "special police agencies," private police forces run by for-profit corporations. What could possibly go wrong? a) I don't know - I've never seen Robo-Cop
b) too many wanna b-grade actors running around Detroit shouting, "I am the law!"
c) they could get away with massive corruption...so, nothing out of the ordinary

 5) Do party platforms have the same influence on voters? a) more than TV pundits would like to believe
b) not as much as a good belt of Scotch
c) did party platforms ever have the same influence on voters?

 6) According to the New York Times, former Trump Chief of Staff John Kelly "defended his rocky tenure, arguing that it is best measured by what the president did not do when Kelly was at his side." What is the most impressive thing Kelly kept Trump from doing? a) snorting baby powder in the middle of his State of the Union address
b) grabbing Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi by her unmentionables as he walked out of Congress
c) starting a nuclear war with Saskatchewan

 7) Fox publicitundit Peter Hegseth has said that he hasn't washed his hands in 10 years, explaining: "I inoculate myself. Germs are not a real thing. I can't see them, therefore they're not real." Hegseth later claimed that he was only joking. What was his joke about? a) man's inhumanity to man
b) man's inhumanity to germs
c) man's inhumanity to Germans

 8) The Province of Quebec is going to receive an increase in immigration funding of $50 million even though Quebec Premier Francois Legault has promised to reduce immigration to the province by 20 per cent. What is the province going to do with the extra money? a) establish the burqa police, and fully fund them for the next decade
b) see Ontario's $31 million anti-federal climate change legislation ad budget and raise them $5 million
c) finally get the separation referendum that it deserves, dammit!

 9) A sign at the corner of Delahaye Street and Wilson Avenue depicts an empty red circle with a line through it. What is it trying to tell people not to do? a) descend into nihilism
b) walk their polar bear in a snowstorm while wearing white clothes
c) pay attention to signs featuring red circles with lines through them

 10) A leaked copy of President Trump's schedule indicates that around 60 per cent of his day is spent in "executive time." What is "executive time?" a) what in kindergarten we used to refer to as "nappies"
b) the time he's supposed to be exercising the executive functions of his brain (but, in reality, time he watches Fox News and angrily tweets about whatever he has seen there)
c) a period where he is allowed to pelt corporate executives with rotten fruit (you should try it the next time you're President - it appears to be highly cathartic)

 11) What is "identitarianism?" a) not eating food you can identify
b) only chewing a specific brand of gum...oh, wait, no - that's Tridentitarianism
c) nobody has any idea, but Anne Coulter is against it!

 12) Match the person who used the term "witch hunt" with the event he was describing. a) United States President Donald Trump
b) Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu
c) Magistrate John Hale

i) Attorney General Avechai Mandelblit's announcement that he would be indicting the person on corruption charges
ii) Special Prosecutor Robert Meuller's investigation into Russian collusion to interfere with the 2016 election
iii) The prosecution of women who exhibited anti-social behaviour in seventeenth century Salem, Massachusetts

 13) HarperCollins has announced that the late Michael Chrichton's novel The Andromeda Strain will be getting a sequel: The Andromeda Evolution. Why? a) because you can't get to end of a trilogy without having a second book - duh!
b) because the title The Andromeda Strains Credulity was already taken
c) because they might as well roll them bones - papa needs a new theme park!

 14) YouPorn, the Internet's largest pornographic video distributor, offered residents of Victoria free premium memberships so that they could "ride out the storm" of a recent blizzard. How compassionate was this, really? a) drug dealer on the corner offering a "free taste" compassionate
b) payday lenders giving you money at outrageous interest rates in order to help you out of the financial jam you're currently in compassionate
c) Trump administration border policy compassionate

 15) The Ontario government is considering changing the rules to allow corporations to ask for more overtime hours from their employees while paying less overtime. How is this "for the people?" a) hey! CFOs are people, too!
b) more work for less pay teaches people reticence...I mean residence...no, residual - aww, forget it, let's just go with the first one
c) I know, right? But "for the birds" wasn't considered catchy enough to help them win the election

 16) Who accused another man of being a "husband from hell?" Against whom was he making the accusation? a) President Donald Trump
b) Peter Griffin
c) George Conway
d) Dagwood Bumstead

i) President Donald Trump
ii) Dagwood Bumstead
iii) George Conway
iv) Peter Griffin

 17) Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that the province will be replacing the motto "Yours To Discover" on licence plates. What does he plan to replace it with? a) "Ontario - Open to Giving You the Business"
b) "Ontario - When You OD, Please Don't Die on the Street - It's Bad For Tourism"
c) plan? This Premier doesn't plaaaannnn anything!

 18) Why should we be outraged by the SNC-Lavalin scandal? a) because if we don't take immediate action to protect the planet from the worst ravages of global climate change, future generations may find the Earth uninhabitable
b) because a major national political party coyly playing footsie with fascists bodes ill for people of colour, Jews, gays and, let's be honest, anybody who isn't a white, heterosexual male
c) because newspaper columnists say we should

 19) More than 540 million Facebook records were left exposed on an Amazon cloud computer server. What is the proper response to this? a) "I'm outraged! Outraged, I tell you! This kind of breach opens users to all manner of abu - ooh! A kitten playing a banjo! Cuuute..."
b) "Damn kids need to get their heads out of the cloud servers and live in the real world for a change!" (accompanied by shaking of fist at sky)
c) "It's a terrible thing, but I need my connection to all my friends, so, umm, I'll...strengthen my privacy settings - yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll strengthen my privacy settings...as soon as somebody shows me how...and this video of a kitten playing a banjo is over..."

 20) Calgary oil sands producer Cenovus Energy Inc. is recommending investors at its annual general meeting vote against a shareholder motion requiring the company to set greenhouse gas emission targets aligned with the goals of the Paris climate accord. In its recommendation, it wrote: "We believe that the right approach for Cenovus is to focus on environmental performance measures, including GHG emissions intensity, based on business plans for disciplined growth and the capital allocation priorities that the company has committed to its shareholders." What the hell does that mean‽ a) the planet is screwed
b) the planet is screwed six ways to Sunday!





I have no idea what that means, but it sounds pretty bad...
c) weather, and lots of it!