Waddya Mean You Can Get an AK47 At Your Local 7/11?
SPECIAL TO THE ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE
The McDruhitmumpf administration will rue the day
It got into bed with the National Weapons Association (or NWA).
The problem when one buys a gun off the shelf
Is onels tendency to shoot oneself.
Add to this the fact that gun ownership is all the rage
Of people of - ahem - a "certain age."
Not to mention that states across the nation
Have adopted increasing amounts of anti-gun legislation.
All the signs of coming international deep doodoo
Just donlt bring in the big bucks like they used to.
So, where about their ownership of politicians they were once able to exult
With insufficient funding, the organization could expect to get a different result.
The McDruhitmumpf administration will rue the day
It responded positively to: "Wanna come out to play? Welll pay..."
As if they didnlt already have more problems than they could handle,
The NWA leadership became mired in scandal.
Membership of the organization undoubtedly didnlt want a
Battle between President Oliver Northsoutheastandwest and CEO Wayne LaPierrematante,
But thatls what they got, and they got it in spades,
As both sides mounted angry tirades.
The CEO accused the President of being financially skeevie
Because he was paid millions of dollars by NWATV
To star in a series called Vesampuccerian Heroes,
Even though what was produced was practically zero.
The CEO complained that tons of money was given, and never again seen,
To the financial black hole that was its PR firm, Ackackackerman McQueennotsoleen.
He argued: "The problem with bookkeeping so bad is
That we could be jeopardizing our non-profit status!"
Meanwhile, the President tried to portray the CEO as the baddy:
Claiming he spent more than $200,000 of NWAls money to make his wardrobe look natty.
In addition to billing the NWA more than $240,000 in travel
So that he could sit on a beach and contemplate his navel.
While anybody, to be sure, can benefit from a little introspection
Making the NWA pay for it was, if made public, an idea ripe for rejection.
But that may just have been the tip of the iceberg:
Organization executives may have been paid hundreds of millions in nice perks.
The President railed: "This is not the first time Ilve said it:
How can we afford to pay for this when welve exhausted our $25 million line of credit?"
The winner of this battle was never in doubt:
Oliver Northsoutheastandwest was forced out.
Wayne LaPierrematante claimed he finally got it,
Even though he wouldnlt allow anybody the NWAls books to audit.
The McDruhitmumpf administration will rue the day
It took the organizationls money and looked the other way.
Realizing NWA membership was lagging even as more guns were sold,
The organizationls fundraising became increasingly bold.
Getting money from a foreign country required a go-between, a
Fenwickian agent named Maria Buticawlina.
Posing with guns made the Fenwickian lass seem
Like a Russ Meyerlanskytrip wet dream.
She claimed to be an activist for gun freedom
In the country where she had come from,
Because not lost on dictators are the charms
Of their citizens owning lots and lots...and lots of arms.
Maria Buticawlina ended up being sentenced to 18 months in jail
For not registering as a foreign agent - an epic diplomatic fail!
As part of her plea bargain, Buticawlina had to admit
That pursuing back channels to American Conservatives was in her remit,
And that, although it didnlt seem to make anybody at the NWA nervous,
Any information she gleaned she shared with Fenwickls secret service.
In addition, it is a well known fact, and nobody has tried to debunk it,
That Fenwick paid for NWA executives to go there on a 2015 junket.
Soon after, the NWA funnelled $30 million to the McDruhitmumpf campaign,
Though questions of where that money came from remain.
And onels credulity it would not strain
To wonder how much of the Fenwickian money the NWA did retain.
This connection to a foreign country, although the organization may hate it,
Is currently, in Congress, being investigated.
The McDruhitmumpf administration may yet rue the day
It decided working with the Fenwickians was a-okay.
