Do Not Question Headlines' Authoritah!

Waddya Got?

"What would a bad NAFTA deal look like?" - Globe and Mail

Dating Waldo

"Everyone wants to know: Where's Caroline Mulroney?" - Toronto Star

Stop Ordering Diet Cola For Her?

"What to do about the friend who never picks up the tab?" - Globe and Mail

Only If You Shake Your Fist At The Sky When You Say That, Podner

"Flag down that horse and buggy, will ya?" - Toronto Sun

Because People Everywhere Else In The Country Tell Them They Should Be?

"Why are people in Vancouver and Toronto so unhappy?" - Globe and Mail

If The Treats Were Right...

"Lassie Went for Help, But Would Your Dog?" - New York Times

With "Abstinence Fist?"

"HOW DO I MANAGE 'TEXTING' THUMB?" - Globe and Mail

She Did What She Could, But The Metal Detector In The Front Door Of The House Malfunctioned

"Mom let school shooter buy gun?" - Toronto Sun

Comic Relief?

"Why is David Pecker still on Postmedia's board? - Globe and Mail

Do Something They'll Actually Appreciate?

"How can I get my relatives to show some gratitude?" - Globe and Mail

Republicans Will Smear Her For Negligent Parenting

"What if Mother Nature Is on the Ballot?" - New York Times

Yeeeaaaah - The Thing About Bond Is That He Likes To Leave Markets Shaken, Not Stirred

"The bond market says to be scared - but should investors fret?" - Globe and Mail

As Long As We Have A Future, We Can Live With That

"Are we doomed to a future of mediocre public buildings?" - Globe and Mail

Sure - To The Same Extent That Sauerkraut Is The New Super Soldier Programme

"Is Airbnb the New NATO? - New York Times

Through Your Nose

"How do I successfully buy and grill fish?" - Globe and Mail

Umm, Not If You Have To Shout

"AM I COOLING DOWN SUFFICIENTLY AFTER MY WORKOUTS?" - Globe and Mail

Who Wants To Kno - Oh, It's You Again

"Is Justin Trudeau all talk on feminist agenda?" - Toronto Sun

Inability To Function?

"As cannabis enters the workplace, what constitutes 'impairment'?" - Globe and Mail

Naah - He Joined The Dark Side Long Ago

"Will Netanyahu's popularity save him?" - Toronto Star

Ah Do Declah, Boahdah Agents Kin Be So Nosy!

"'Do you have any cannabis investments to declare?'" - Globe and Mail

 Oh, Sure
Have You Never Heard The Tom Lehrer Song "We'll All Go Together When We Go?"

"Is it safe to have all your money at one bank?" - Globe and Mail

It Depends - Are You A Character In A Sitcom?

"I'm dating four men. Is that too much?" - Toronto Star

To Work At A Sports Network, You Have To Be Highly Skilled At "Not Getting The Memo"

"Why has the World Cup TV coverage been so sexist?" - Globe and Mail

You're Here, Aren't You?

"Can I ruin your dinner party?" - New York Times

Absolutely...If You're Sexist

"Is the World Cup worth the effort?" - Globe and Mail

Life Hasn't Been The Same Since The Kryptonian Hiring Freeze

"General Zod for Ontario premier?" - Toronto Sun

Only If They're Wearing Pants That Are Way Too Tight

"Could stock splits at Canadian banks be on the way? - Globe and Mail

Hmm...Let's See...I Want This, And This, And - Oooh, Definitely That!

"What Are Capitalists Thinking?" - New York Times

 No, Boas Are Still In Fashion


Oh, Wait...

"Has fathering changed?" - Globe and Mail

Thanks To Global Warming, Trees Can't Keep Track Of Their Age Any More

"Marriage is out of favour. Why is Tiffany selling more rings?" - Toronto Star

We Might, If We Could Just Find A Way To Weaponize Niceness...

"Can one of the nicest places in the world - Canada - survive what's to come?" - Globe and Mail

If It Is, It's One Of The Nicest Corruption Capitals In The World

"Is British Columbia the corruption capital of Canada?" - Globe and Mail

 More Reboots Of The Honeymooners:
"To The Moon, Intern! To The Moon!"

"Moonves had 'Golden Ticket'
CBS chair Les Moonves is gone. What's next for CBS and the future of legacy broadcasters?" - Toronto Star

If It Gets Psychiatric Help Right Away

"Big river, deep trouble:
Can the Mighty Mississippi's crisis be averted?" - Globe and Mail

 Don't You Hate People Who Answer Their Own Questions?
Of Course You Do!

"Low credit score? Smartly manage your profile to appease picky mortgage lenders" - Globe and Mail

 "Househunters hit the road for a better deal
Can't afford Toronto? Try Barrie. Or Kingston. Or Windsor. Buyers are heading to smaller urban centers - and bringing the prices up with them" - Toronto Star

 "Baseball in Taiwan? Just Follow the Noise" - New York Times

 "HOW HAS IT COME TO THIS?
We started a kitchen and two-bathroom renovation to push our twentysomething children out, Howard Gaskin writes. But I almost hope it doesn't work" - Globe and Mail

 "Parry Sound fire contained?
Ontario puts additional $100M into battling blazes" - Toronto Sun

 "Without Aeroplan, what's left of Aimia?
Loyalty program accounted for 85% of Aimia's revenue in second quarter this year" - Globe and Mail

 "After Turkey, who's next? A guide to emerging-markets turmoil" - Globe and Mail

 "Is it ever acceptable to cry at work?
New study finds co-workers still frown on women tearing up" - Toronto Star

 "Ready for the second-biggest shopping season?
Back-to-school is expensive. Here's where to save and where to spend" - Toronto Star

 "WHAT'S IN A NAME?
A reimagining of the Sheraton brand means creating spaces that nurture a sense of comfort and community" - Globe and Mail

 "At hedge funds, where are the women?
Women run only two of the top 50 funds, clustering instead in jobs away from money" - Toronto Star

 "Pharma pot for pooch?
Companies closer to developing pet cannabis treatments" - Toronto Sun

 Cost cutting tips? Use Ford's 'suggestion box'" - Toronto Star

 "They key to high-quality REITs with sustainable payouts? Diversification" - Globe and Mail

 "What will the world's trade deals look like in 2020?
Canada to be part of major agreements" - Toronto Star

Don't Bend Them Any Less Than 90 Degrees

"HOW DO I STRENGTHEN MY OBLIQUES?" - Globe and Mail