"Eugene, what can you tell me about the door?"
"Well, Chris. It, uhh, it's, umm, white..."
"Is that unusual for North Korea?"
"I wouldn't think so. I...I...I would imagine that North Korea has a lot of white doors."
"Isn't white a symbol of death?"
"I...suspect every colour is a symbol of death in North Korea. They sure do seem to have a lot of it!"
"Okay. What else?"
"It's about six feet tall and two or three feet wide. It's very...doorlike."
"Richard, do you concur?"
"Absolutely, Chris. As doors go, this is an excellent example of the oeuvre, almost, one could say, an ur door."
"You say that with a lot of enthusiasm."
"It's my boyish enthusiasm, Chris: I say everything with ardour."
"Any idea what lies behind it?"
"No way of knowing. The whole palace was designed by Kim Jong Il. It's not our door."
"Okay, so, President Trump and Kim Jong Un are standing in front of this door, uncertain about whether they are going to enter the room. Ambassador McFaul, what are we to make of this?"
"That they don't know what they're doing?"
"Okay. That's one interpretation. Could it -"
"Far be it from me to disagree with a former American Ambassador to Russia, Chris, but everything at this summit has been scripted for maximum media exposure. If it appears that President Trump and Kim are milling about aimlessly, it's because they want to give the impression to the world that they are milling about aimlessly."
"Why would they want to do that?"
"In my experience, when world leaders try to project an air of nonchalance, it is usually because they are extremely chalant, which is to say: there is a tension that they are trying to keep the public from seeing."
"Eugene, what do you think of that analysis?"
"I...love Richard to bits. I believe he does outstanding international reporting. But, uhh, he does sometimes overthink things."
"I see what you mean. Was it Roosevelt who said, ‘Sometimes standing outside a door just means that you're waiting to go into a room?'"
"Did...any President say that?"
"I could answer that question, Ambassador McFaul, but we have a development: the door has opened. The door has opened, and the President has walked towards it, but Kim Jong Un is going to another door down the hallway! Gentlemen, are they going into different rooms or entering the same room by different means?"
"What do I look like, an architect?"
"Actually, Ambassador, you look very much like a - okay, now they're both back in the hallway. Any idea what that was all about? Oh, never mind. They've gone back down the hallway and they're out of sight again. You can feel the excitement of the most important diplomatic outreach of the Trump era, can't you?"
"Oh, yeah. I can barely contain my ennui."
"Half an hour ago, the President said that he and Kim Jong Un would be signing something very important in just a few minutes. Maybe in an alternate timeline. But, then, in an alternate timeline, the United States would still be friends with Canada. Forget about that. That alternate reality stuff makes my head swim. Gene, any idea what they will be signing?"
"If I had to guess, the President will be signing a Hallmark happy to have you as my friend card, and...and...and Kim will be signing a get well soon card."
"Hunh. Interesting. Richard? Same question."
"President Trump will be signing the Declaration of Independence, and Supreme Leader Kim will be signing the Magna Carta. Not to be outdone in historical significance, the President may then sign the Book of Revelations, but that would be another impulsive gesture that is not on the official schedule."
"Haven't those documents already been signed?"
"Of course. But, this whole summit has been a matter of symbolism, not actual achievement. So, why not?"
"It's not like the President's base will know."
"Sure. Ambassador McFaul, do you know what President Trump and Kim will be signing?"
"Blank sheets of paper, Chris. They've met for all of 45 minutes - what could they have possibly negotiated? Besides, comprehensive agreements of the kind the President claims he wants are measured in years, not photo ops. They'll sign blank sheets of paper and fill in the details later. The tell will be if President Trump proudly shows off his signature for the cameras. He's proud of his signature - he's shown it off when he's written it on napkins. If he doesn't do it here, it means there's nothing on the paper he has signed."
"We'll definitely have to look for that. Now, the President has said that this was the most successful diplomatic initiative since FDR met with the Aztecs. So successful. So very, very successful. And, that was before the meeting actually took place. Do you think - oh, wait, is that - did the door just open a fraction of an inch? This could be a major breakthrough!"