Les Pages Aux Folles: Headlines Would Like to Apologize...To Everybody...For Everything...Ever...
Headlines Would Like to Apologize...To Everybody...For Everything...Ever...
Macho Posturing Gibberish Isn't A Language - It's A Way Of Life
"Time to talk to Trump in his own language"
- Toronto Star
He Embarrasses Us Still
...At Least He's Consistent
"Harper among former world leaders to voice support for U.S. withdrawal from Iran deal"
- Globe and Mail
City Hopes He'll Turn Up In Its Other Pair Of Pants
"Toronto loses poet David McFadden"
- Toronto Star
Punditting Is Soooooooo Confusing!
"Trudeau loses key ally, as PC win fuels Tory hopes in 2019 federal vote"
- Globe and Mail
"Ford win could ultimately be a gift for Trudeau"
- Toronto Star
Is Looking Forward To An Exciting New Career In Childhood Traffic Management
"Google employee criticizes executives over pay, diversity in annual meeting"
- Globe and Mail
You Embarrass Yourselves Still,
...At Least Your Harperian
"Liberals are bad, the NDP's worse"
- Toronto Sun
The Left's Fringe Is Too Mellow To Care About Racism And War And Shit
"U.S. Democrats endorsing legal weed
Marijuana legalization moves from left-wing fringe to party's forefront"
- Toronto Star
I Hate To Be Contrary (But, Obviously Not THAT Much...)
"CIBC profit jumps despite cooling mortgage market"
- Globe and Mail
"Despite hurricanes, Trump, Cuba retains charm for tourism firms"
- Globe and Mail
"Economy expected to power ahead despite disappointing first quarter GDP"
- Globe and Mail
"Best Buy sales thrive but shares drop"
- Toronto Star
"ONEX HIKES QUARTERLY DIVIDEND DESPITE LOSS"
- Globe and Mail
"Stock market's reaction to earnings is wrong
None of the excuses to explain the malaise in equities amid strong profits hold water"
- Globe and Mail
"Housing prices tumble in Toronto, but market shows signs of stability"
- Globe and Mail
"Economic energy 'health' despite growing trade gap"
- Globe and Mail
"BCE optimistic on Internet, wireless growth strategy despite dragging share price"
- Globe and Mail
And, He Wouldn't Know!
"Gaza: 'You can only build peace on truth,' Israel's Prime Minister says"
- Globe and Mail
For The First Twenty Minutes, In Any Case
"HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tie the knot in fairy-tale wedding ceremony"
- Toronto Star
They Let The Pilot Light On The Stove Go Out?
"Why Pizza Pizza's shares have gone cold"
- Globe and Mail
Yeah, Yeah - You've Been Saying That Since Before They Were Elected!
"TIME TO GIVE WYNNE THE BOOT
Let's turf the Liberals and rebuild Ontario"
- Toronto Sun
Make Sure Your Savings Are In The Stratosphere
"How to get ahead of the clouds forming over fixed-rate mortgages"
- Globe and Mail
They Don't Call Them Sexual Internections For Nothing
They Don't Call Them Sexual Internections At All, Do They?
"Sexual infections still increasing across Canada
With cases of gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis rising, some point to social media as a cause"
- Toronto Star
He Reformed A Lot Of Enemies And Family Members Out Of Their Wealth
"What happened to the 'reformist' ways of Saudi Arabia's crown prince?"
- Globe and Mail
Few Will Become One, But They Can Certainly Train
"'Anyone can train to be a superhero,' says Tomb trainer"
- Toronto Sun
Whoa! Have You Hired Lucy Van Pelt To Write Your Headlines?
"Woman revived parakeet using her CPR training
Volunteer EMT saved bird after it collapsed on bottom of cage. It died the next day, though"
- Toronto Star
If Only Iran Felt That Way
"Everyone wins from a new deal with Iran"
- Toronto Sun
You'll Be Able To Read It Right After You Read Donald Trump's Tax Returns
"Ford says he'll release costed platform before vote"
- Globe and Mail
Stabs It Right In The Test Tube
Nobody In Courtroom Sees How This Can Help His Case
"Lawyer attacks DNA evidence"
- Toronto Star
Pharmaceutical Companies Need To Stop Selling Out Of Stores And Return To The Back Alleys Where They Belong
"Readers have strong opinions about drug dealers"
- Toronto Sun
Because The Last Two And A Half Dozen Efforts Clearly Didn't Take
"It's time for Ottawa to get serious about modernizing broadcasting rules for the digital age"
- Globe and Mail
Even If Most Consumers Know Bull When They See It
"Raw milk backers won't be cowed"
- Toronto Star
Wanted To Be Abba, But It Was Taken
"Slayer kept being Slayer until the end"
- Toronto Star
If They Had Only Managed To Work In Aliens, This Would Have Been The Best! Headline! Ever!
"Florida pizza worker shoots scary clown"
- Toronto Sun
He Clearly Hasn't Heard That All The Rational People Are Currently Being Held In A CIA Black Ops Site In Afghanistan
"'Rational people' will avert full trade war: Fiat CEO"
- Globe and Mail
Somebody Forgot To Tell Twitter
"You can't place limits on free speech"
- Toronto Star
He's Hoping To Be The New Orange
"Brown may be down, but he's not out yet"
- Toronto Sun
First, We Take Jerusalem, Then...?
"Gaza witnessing a march into the unknown
'The March of Return' shows Palestinian leadership doesn't just want a state next to Israel, but to create one that will replace it"
- Globe and Mail
Boy, Are You Living In The Wrong Universe!
"Trump wants separate deals with Canada, Mexico: adviser
Ottawa dismisses official's comments, saying, 'We react to facts'"
- Toronto Star
