Tensions, as those tired old wire reporters who had covered one too many international crises were fond of saying, were mounting in the Persian Gulf. The Stark, an American frigate, had been accidentally fired upon by an Iraqi fighter pilot. President Reagan announced that Kuwaiti oil tankers would be given American flags and protection while in the Gulf. Iran shot the United States dirty looks.
Things were getting complicated, so I decided to get a perspective on the situation from my American military contact, General Roland P. Quarters. "General," I asked, "if the American government is afraid that a war between Iran and Iraq will disrupt the flow of oil through the Persian Gulf to NATO countries, why don't you try to find a way to bring peace to the region?"
"Peace?" the General responded. "What's that?"
I was shocked. "Peace? It...it's the absence of war..."
"The absence of war? Oh, we couldn't have anything to do with such a radical concept. If there was - what did you call it? Peace? - we'd all be out of a job. That's all fine and well for the younger officers, I suppose; they can always be retrained as civilians. But, I've got my pension to think of!"
"Well, yes...I do see your problem. But, if peace could be achieved in the Gulf, you wouldn't have to risk American lives in a war zone to protect foreign oil supplies. The US should at least consider it as an option..."
"Hmm...I would like all options on the table..."
"If peace did come to the region, General, think of all the really neat places you could go and really get involved in local hostilities."
"Mmm...I take your point, young man. Still, this peace thing - I don't know. We have vital interests in the area - gotta stop the spread of Communism, or something..."
"Surely not, General. Iran is a Fundamentalist Muslim country - it would never ally itself with the Soviet Union. As for Iraq, well, it did ask for Russian assistance, but analysts feel that was to spur you Americans to increase your presence there, not because Iraq wanted to embrace Communism..."
"What? Did I say Communism? No, you're absolutely right - whatever could I have been thinking? I meant Muslim Fundamentalism - that's what we're hoping to contain in the Persian Gulf. Sorry - all these extreme political movements look alike to me."
"But, General, the Reagan administration has claimed that its policy in the war is one of strict neutrality..."
"Oh, is that our policy?"
"According to the White House, it is. But, last year, the United States sent arms to Iran, clearly violating this policy. Now, since much of Iraq's wealth is channeled through Kuwait, protecting its tankers can also bee seen as violating American neutrality, albeit on the other side. How can you still maintain that you're neutral?"
"Ah, well, that's the brilliance of the State Department, isn't it? By making serious tactical blunders favouring first one side, then the other, we haven't actually been of much help to either side. What could be more neutral than that?"
"But, General -"
"I suspect the keen minds at the Pentagon had a hand in this. It's got their fingerprints all over it..."
"General, the White House has been accused of engaging the military without fully pursuing all of the other options open to it."
"Like that peace thing you mentioned?"
"Exactly. It appears that the United States doesn't have a well thought out policy on the conflict in the Persian Gulf. The number of attacks on oil tankers so far this year is about the same as a similar period last year..."
"Really? I don't believe - who said that?"
"Henry Kissinger, actually."
"Oh, well, heh, I wouldn't want to argue with Hank."
"Not only that, but Iran has had more of its tankers attacked by Iraq than the other way around."
"Hank, again?"
"That's right. In view of all this, can you give me a reason for an increased military presence in the area other than macho posturing?"
"Macho posturing? Of course it's macho posturing - you say that like it's a bad thing. Macho posturing is what the American Armed Forces are all about. When I talk about macho posturing, my chest swells up with pride..."
"Well, I didn't want to bring your chest into it, General, but I guess that's one obvious example of what I'm talking about."
"That's right. If macho posturing was good enough for Winston Churchill - that great American - then it's good enough for me!"
"Umm, General, Winston Churchill was British..."
"He was? Well, I'm sure if somebody had brought it to his attention, he would have been an American. He was a busy man, you know!"
"I see. Well...thank you, General. I think you've provided us with a fascinating insight into the workings of the military mind."
"Glad to be of assistance. May I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Umm...this peace thing - you don't think it could be catching, do you?"
