One of the saddest things about people who do everything because they are obsessed with accumulating wealth is that they cannot accept the possibility that others may act with a different motivation. This might explain United States Secretary of the Interior Donald Hodel's recent accusation that Canada's concerns about acid rain are motivated by a hidden agenda to increase power exports to the US.
Hodel repeatedly argued this point of view when he was Secretary of Energy, so it should come as no surprise that he has perfected it by now. You might think that it's mighty convenient that a government official should espouse a conspiracy theory popular among American utilities and coal companies. You might even think that extraterritorial corporation bashing is a painless way of gaining political currency, particularly among institutions one is supposed to be regulating.
You're so cynical.
Fortunately, Hodel, obviously a graduate of the James Watt school of environmental concern, no longer speaks for the American government on energy policy. One can just imaginea Canadian official telling him, "Look, we've got to do something to control the pollution that causes acid rain."
"Okay," Hodel might respond. "What would we get out of that?"
"You'd get a cleaner environment."
"Sure, but what's in it for us?"
"You...umm, would have a better place to live in."
"I'm not sure we're connecting, here. I'd appreciate it if you skipped the rhetoric and gave me the bottom line."
"The bottom line is: if we don't do something about the environment soon, large numbers of animals will die, entire species may be doomed to extinction and huge areas of both our countries will become unable to support life for generations to come!"
"So you say. But, before I agree to anything, you'll have to convince me that it'll be worth our while..."
"What could be more worthwhile than clean air and clean water?"
"Clean air, clean water and a healthy profit."
How can one not help but feel sorry for a person whose view of the world is confined to the depth of a dollar bill? Still, that kind of attitude must make for a fascinating home life...
"Honey, I'm home."
"Hello, dear - that'll be10 cents."
"Really? I remember when a peck on the cheek used to cost a penny."
"Everything is more expensive these days, dear. Thanks. Oh! How many times do I have to tell you to hang up your coat?"
"Okay. I'm sorry. That'll be 50 cents."
"Fifty cents? You hung it up for a quarter, yesterday."
"Everything was less expensive, yesterday."
"Well, okay. Here you go. But, I'd be careful if I was you; you don't want to price yourself out of the market. I could just hang up your coat myself and pocket the money."
"I'll keep that in mind. Hmm...something smells good. What are you making for dinner?"
"Steaks. Oh, that reminds me. Dear, you've fallen three weeks behind in payments for cooking. If you get any further behind, I'm afraid I'll have to refer your account to a collection agency..."
"A collection agency? Now, hon, I'm sure that won't be necessary. Don't you owe me anything for, say, shoveling the snow off the porch and the driveway?"
"I paid for that on Friday."
"Are you sure?"
"Do you want to see the receipt?"
"Oh, no, hon. I'll take your word for it. But, there must be something - how about fixing the vacuum cleaner? What was that worth?"
"You haven't done it yet."
"Oh. Well, couldn't you advance me some of my fee for that?"
"Oh, dear, you know, I wish I could. But, according to the terms of our prenuptial agreement, money can only be paid out for value already received. You know that."
"I suppose..."
Just then, their son enters the kitchen holding his stomach. "Mommy," he says, "I don't feel so good."
"What's wrong?"
"My tummy hurts. It really hurts."
"Dear, could you take him to the hospital?"
"I suppose...if the price is right..."
"If the price is right! I don't care about the price! Our son is sick and needs to be looked at at the hospital! Will you take him?"
"Okay. But, it'll cost you..."
