We will return to Les Pages Aux Folles after the following brief commercial messages:
Long shot of a nattily dressed man standing in front of a dingy courthouse, punctuating his speech with broad, sweeping movements. "Hi!" he yells. "I'm Crazy Eddie Gotlieb of the law firm Sherma, Sherman, Gotlieb, Oakes and Associates! You say legal costs are driving you to the brink of bankruptcy? Don't get mad! Get on the phone to Crazy Eddie! Now, for a limited time only, we offer corporate negotiations for half off! Crazy? You bet! But that's just the beginning!"
Cut to Crazy Eddie standing in the lobby of a busy office. "You want to talk about divorce? For the first 50 customers through the door, we offer the following saving: buy two divorce proceedings, get one free!" Crazy Eddie makes an expansive gesture with one of his arms, knocking a cup of scalding hot coffee out of the hands of a junior partner, who screams in pain. "Assault? Personal injury? Come in and talk to us about our low, low rates!"
Cut back to Crazy Eddie standing in front of the courthouse. "Do you want to contest the will of a recently departed loved one? Are you thinking about suing your employer for breach of contract? Have you been misquoted in the local rag? Come and see Crazy Eddie of Sherma, Sherman, Gotlieb, Oakes and Associates, where we will not be knowingly undersold!"
A police officer walks out of the courthouse with a criminal and, with a sad nod of his head, takes a pair of handcuffs off the man. "Hey, Eddie," the criminal shouts, "how do you do it?"
With a little shrug, Eddie replies, "At these prices, I must be crazy!"
Super title: Crazy Eddie's Legal Warehouse, 2931 Danforth, just west of Pape. Call now for a free estimate - first 20 callers get a framed copy of The Wit and Wisdom of Bora Laskin absolutely free!
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FADE IN:
Close-up of a young child playing with building blocks. "When you were younger," a stentorian announcer intones, "did you like to play with toys all by yourself? Were you afraid to share your toys with others? Or, were you able to cooperate with others your age?"
Pull back to reveal a second child near the first, playing with its own building blocks. "If you shared your toys with other children, they would be encouraged to share their toys with you. Thus, there could be more for everybody." The children look at each other with suspicion. "But, if children don't learn to share with each other, they only stand to lose in the end.
Cut to a montage of close-ups of Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney, US President Ronald Reagan and various iron smelters, dead fish, wheat fields, car assembly lines, etc. "Nation-states are a lot like children, don't you think? If we share our resources, products, technology and knowledge with our neighbours, and they with us, all will benefit. If, on the other hand, we erect barriers to keep others out, we will isolate ourselves. And, that would have disastrous consequences for, not only for us, but for future generations..."
Cut to a still close-up of one child, a bewildered expression on its tiny face. Super title: "I have seen the future, and it is Free Trade."
A second announcer says, "A message from the Ministry of Selling Government Policies to the Canadian People."
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FADE IN:
A beautiful woman seductively purrs into the camera: "Whenever I get into trouble, I count on Harry Kropotski to take my side."
Cut to Harry Kropotski sitting with one leg draped over the side of a desk, a law book in his hands. Closing the book and letting it drop to the floor, he looks at the camera and says, "Custody battles are not glamourous. But, I don't have to tell you that. As a knowledgeable legal consumer, you that the real prestige cases these days involve the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
"That's where I come in."
Harry Kropotski awkwardly folds his arms across his chest. "I've specialized in Charter challenges for over four years now. Most people don't realize it, but the precedents are already piling up faster than most lawyers imagined possible, in cases as diverse as language rights, illegal search and seizure and immigration. If you call me now, I'll tell you how you can make the Charter work for you."
Harry Kropotski unfolds his arms and points at the camera. Cut back to the beautiful woman. "Call Harry Kropotski. Because you deserve the best."
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