Thank you, Rex Tex-Mex, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, in the interest of free and open discussion of the vital issues of the day, we considered inviting former Trump adviser Steve Bannon to debate the merits of multiculturalism. The plan was that we would balance his right wing extremism with well known liberal David Frum. Unfortunately, our landlord objected.
"No, no, absolutely not," Gerald Frankling told us. "Evil like that seeps into the carpets in a way that no amount of shampooing will ever be able to remove! And, once it gets into the walls, you either have to invite Max von Sydow in to perform an exorcism or burn the entire building down to the foundation and hope the rebuilt structure won't be tainted by his past presence."
We weren't entirely convinced. But, when the landlord started murmuring, "Mmm, burn the place down to its foundation," with an odd glint in his eye, we decided that not following up on our initial idea would be for the best. Now, if only we knew where the landlord kept the matches...
Enjoy,Oh, Get A Room! And, We Don't Mean A Hearing Room!
Chuck Grassley, the chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee, has repeatedly stated that he wants Professor Christine Blasey Ford to testify before his committee about her allegations that she was sexually assaulted by Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. But, while his lips may say yes, yes, his tweets tell a different story:
@chuckgrassley Judge Kavanaugh I just want 2 look into those deep blue eyes until I'm lost in memories of wandering along a beach in Malibu discussing Roe v. Wade & giggling like a schoolgirl. I hope u understand. It's not my normal approach 2 b silly
Given the right's infatuation with the jocky jurist, the muscular magistrate, the dishy doge, is it possible that Ford will get a fair hearing? "@chuckgrassley The mind cannot know what the heart only smells," Chair Grassley tweeted.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2018/ALLPOLITICS/09/19/reps.main/index.html]
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Not If We Don't Know What's In The Pill - Remember Who You're Talking To!
Peter Donat has died of complications of diabetes at the age of 90. The actor had a long career in which he frequently performed at the Stratford Festival and with theatre companies across the worl - We don't care about that! Tell us about The X-Files! Be patient - I'll get to that. Donat worked regularly in television, guest-starring on such shows as The F.B.I., Hawaii Five-O, Mannix, Hill Street Blu - Gaaah! Boring! X-Files! X-Files! X-Files! Take a pill! Don't you want to hear about how he almost got the part of Tom Hagen in The Godfa - X-Files! X-Files! X-Files! X-Files! Okay, okay. Among his many roles, Donat played Fox Mulder's father on The X-Files. There. Now are you satisfie - Aaah. X-Files!
Yes. Yes, I imagine you are.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Not That There's Any Chance That The Trump Administration Will Have To Worry About THAT Problem
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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In Other Words, They're Not Far From A Deal
In an attempt to force Canada to accept a trade deal it has so far resisted, the United States has said, "We're thiiiiiiiiiiis close to getting a deal with Mexico. This close! So very, very close. You don't want to be left out in the cold when we make a deal with Mexico. And, we're so close to signing a deal with Mexico that we're practically standing behind it! That's how close we are - I don't even feel the need to make sense any more. See the distance between my two touching fingers? Go ahead. Lean in. That is how close we are. Soooooooo close. Soooooooo very close!"
To which Canada replied: "Is it Thursday already?"
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB1134077228971102004,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Somebody Should Warn Him That Wiping Kitten Blood Off Your Chin Is Not A Good Look For a Politician
Ontario Premier Doug Ford said that if the Ontario Court of Appeals did not overturn a lower court ruling that his plan to cut the number of seats in Toronto almost by half in the middle of an election was unconstitutional, he would invoke the killing and eating a kitten clause of the constitution. The Court of Appeals ruled in the province's favour, so his threat faded away like the memory of a bad burrito.
The question remains, though: how willing is Premier Ford to use the killing and eating a kitten clause? With a big grin on his face, he explained, "Totally willing. I will totally do that the next time a dumb old unelected court tries to stifle my wi - I mean, henh henh, the will of the people."
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=295722]
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Our Democratic Ideals Seem Headed For The...You Know...
WANTED: Company to build 1,000 toilets in the desert. Must be willing to miss production deadlines leading to cost overruns. Must have experience keeping multiple sets of books and knowing which to give to which oversight bodies. Experience in embezzling money a huge asset. Experience in paying off corrupt local officials to look the other way while embezzling money also an asset. No experience in building toilets in the desert necessary. APPLY: The Provisional Government of Afghanistan.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/000973.qrhtml]
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At a seeming impasse with the European Union on Brexit, British Prime Minister Theresa May struck a conciliatory note, saying: "At this stage in the negotiations, it is not acceptable to simply reject the other side's proposals without a detailed explanation and counter proposals." Well, it was conciliatory relative to the things May and her Cabinet members have been reportedly saying behind closed doors.
The European Union yawned and said, "Our proposal is what it has always been: you can't pick and choose which elements of the Union you will abide by and which you won't. Now, if you don't mind, there's a brioche with our name on it waiting at the outdoor cafe down the street, and they are a dish best served warm!"
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2018/sep/20/wish-we-may-wish-we-might]
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