Thank you, Olav Endivepucker, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Igor Stravinsky called and demanded that we return his polka dotted wind-up emu. We were pretty sure the polka dotted wind-up emu we had installed in the parlour had come from Jonathan Frantzen, a hand-me-down that he no longer had any use for, but we were hesitant to argue with the composer of The Rite of Spring and Pulcinella. Especially Pulcinella. So, we did the only reasonable thing we could think of under the circumstances: we set the emu out to sea on an ice floe.
We wish the emu all of the best in its travels...and hope this will get that damned Stravinsky off our backs!
Enjoy,SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/791.html]
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Somewhere In A Dacha In Russia, Boris Johnson Is Smiling
President Donald Trump's "If I Can't Own the World, I Wanna Destroy It" Tour took on a confusing tone when he visited England for two days.
Early in his stay, he said, "Theresa May? Pfft! I told her what to do about Brexit. But did she listen? Women! Waddya gonna do? I told her what to do. I said, 'Terry. This is what you should do...' But did she listen? I'm not - I'm not gonna tell you what I told her. I'll just say that she did the opposite. Not what I told her. Women!"
The next day, President Trump had a different take on the British Prime Minister: "Woof, she is one strong broad, I'll give her that! When she put on that leather cat suit, made me put on the French maid's uniform and clean her septic tank? Whoa! I thought American women were tough!"
It is rumoured that, President Trump has kept the French maid's uniform for his meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/41/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s911/Os/41/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=31212]
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They Could Avoid Dying If They Just Jumped Between The Bombs...
Israel has launched massive airstrikes on Gaza as retaliation for Hamas militants firing rockets into Israel.
"We targeted only left-handed Arab terrorists with a limp and three missing upper teeth," claimed Israeli Lieutenant Colonel Jonathan Comicus. "Our weapons are so smart, they even spared militants who had lost their teeth owing to gingivitis rather than a bar brawl!"
After a moment's reflection, Lieutenant Colonel Comicus added, "So, uhh, if anybody else was killed or injured in the airstrike, it's their own fault for living in Gaza in the first place. Don't they know it's dangerous there?"
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2018Jul14.html]
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Some People May Have To Quit Their Day Jobs To Become Police, But It's A Small Price To Pay For Everybody Else's Peace Of Mind
The city of Toronto plans on adding 200 police officers to the force. When we heard that, we thought, Is that really the best you can do?
We want our own police officer, somebody to protect us 24 hours a day, and we're sure that many other citizens feel the same way. But, that would require the hiring of approximately two million additional police officers. Mayor Tory, how soon can you budget for this?
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=522312]
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Meet The New Swamp, Same As The Old Swamp
The entire Board of Hydro One Ltd. Is resigning and chief executive officer Mayo Schmidt has announced his immediate retirement, succumbing to pressure from Ontario Premier Doug Ford for new leadership at the electrical utility. That's clearly evident after a display of crass patronage by Ford at a level not seen in Ontario in a long time, in which the new premier installed his buddy, Dr. Reuben Devlin, as head of a task force that will look into the province's hospital system.
"I'm happy to say today, the CEO and Board of Hydro One, they're gone, they're done. We're going to turn a new corner," Mr. Ford said Wednesday. As if even he was ashamed of what he was doing, Ford buried the news in the orders-in-council, which became public July 6.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831813&call_pageid=968335278492&col=3]
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Exit Through The Gift Shop (Without Your Wallet)
A new exhibition of the works by guerrilla graffiti artist Banksy has come to the Tut Tut Gallery in Toronto. The exhibition consists of blank walls at the centre of which sit three spray paint cans.
"Yeah, well, it's interactive, innit?" sniffed gallery owner Luigi Vercotti. "I mean, I used to pick Banksy's used stencils out of trash bins, so who better to bring his art to the mass - OI! You there! Don't touch those paint cans! Have some respect for a true original!"
SOURCE: Art Splorts
[http://www.artsplorts.com/diary/id=9475]
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When Asked About When The Public Could Expect An Apology About The Lateness Of The Apology, Leary Suggested People Notify Their Grandchildren
Defects discovered in the welds of new model streetcars will force Bombardier to take 67 of the roughly 90 cars it has already delivered to Toronto out of service for repairs.
Bombardier CEO Rick Leary was scheduled to issue an apology on Thursday, but the apology was found to have defects and was sent to Bombardier's publicity facility in La Pocatiere, Quebec. The company says that the apology should be ready to be issued some time in 2024, but, in the meantime, this recall will not affect the issuance of other apologies that are due to be delivered between now and the end of 2019
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddchn7-f6f3-4f4f-9g25-a2eb4cc6a528]
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