The Daily Me - Eldritch Spiritus

Thank you, Eldritch Spiritus, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we marvelled at how common wisdom is constantly being turned on its head in the Trump era. We used to agree with the idea from the 1960s that "if you aren't angry, it's because you're not paying attention." But, Trump supporters are angry all the time, and they have the attention spans of gnats with ADHD at a flea market full of shiny objects. We're beginning to suspect that they got that way by not paying attention to ancient wisdom...

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Encouraging Chants Of "Lock Her Up"
While Paying Off Porn Stars You Foolishly Schtupped
Yet, You Still Expect Us To Believe...

The Lesson of Two Evils

Sebastien Gorka
Dancing the hora
On the Constitution;
Brave talk on China turning wussy;
A President proudly boasting of grabbing pussy;
Russian electoral collusion.

Sure, these are bad, but let's get one thing straight first:
Hillary Clinton would have been worse.

Immigrant families living in fear
That ICE will take their children (who will then disappear);
Drilling for oil in national parks;
Personal wealth increased by international trade;
An almost daily anti-journalist tirade;
Dozens of school shooting larks.

We may have a President who is truth averse,
But Hillary Clinton would have been worse.

Casual promotion of white supremacists;
Abortion rights dissolving into mist;
Agreeing with the last person who, on bended knee flattered;
Enflaming the Middle East with an embassy move; and most of all:
Who will be paying for what border wall?
Living in an alternate reality where facts don't matter.

The corpse of democracy is being loaded into the hearse,
But Hillary Clinton would have been worse.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/782.html]
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Any Excuse For A Party - Especially If It Involves Lethal Force

To celebrate the opening of the American embassy in Jerusalem, the Israeli government gave the Americans a 21 gun salute. Only, there were more than 21 guns. And, rockets. And, teargas. And, rather than shooting into the air, they were shooting at Palestinians over the fence between Israel and the Gaza Strip.

The Israeli government has claimed that the violence (over 50 Palestinians dead and 2,500 wounded) was justified because a handful of the demonstrators threw bombs and tried to get over the fence into Israeli territory. "We were originally going to take the line that we have become brutal, trigger-happy thugs who believe Palestinian lives have no value," said Israeli Military spokesmachoman Avi Lipitor. "But, we didn't think that would play in P'Yat Orea, so we decided to go with the whole Palestinian bombs and breeching the fence thing instead."

SOURCE: The Baghdad Post

[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2018May14.html]
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Whoa! Imagine What The Internet Would Be Like If The World Had Real Problems!

There's a meme going around the Internet revolving around an audio clip that some people hear as "yanny" and others hear as "laurel." Some people have suggested that which sound you hear will determine the course of your life for the remainder of the year; others are willing to create a psychological profile for you based on your aural perception.

Yannyers have accused Laurelists of falsely reporting what they hear because they hate the singer Yanni. Laurelists responded, "Why can't we all get along?" although there are reports that members of that group have been stoking anti-Yannyer hatred on Reddit.

This is so silly. When I listen to the audio clip, all I hear is: "Just another Internet time sink that will be used by fragile people as an excuse to further divide themselves from each other." But, uhh, it's been a while since I got my hearing checked...

SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page

[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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Just A Small Spat In An Otherwise Long And Profitable Marriage

In a sweeping critique of global finance released by the Vatican, Pope Francis singled out derivatives, including credit-default swaps, for condemnation. "A ticking time bomb," the Vatican called them.

In response, billionaire investor Carl Icahn released a critique of Catholic policy, singling out the reforms of Vatican II, including the move to say the liturgy in the vernacular, for condemnation. "It undermined the majesty of the Church-going experience," Icahn stated.

"I did not see that one coming," Pope Francis admitted.

SOURCE: Unicycle

[http://www.unicycle.com/new.php?p=articles&id=575&but=allis1]
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Unless It's By My Record Label

"I don't like boundaries of any kind. I don't like being told what I can and can't say." - Axl Rose, defending the song "One in a Million," which was dropped from the recent rerelease of the 1988 album G 'N' R Lies

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Eventually, This Ends In A Godwin's Law Violation

Q: To celebrate the opening of the new American embassy in Jerusalem, President Donald Trump invited evangelical pastor Robert Jeffress to speak. Jeffress once said that Jews, Muslims and Mormons are going to hell. Why would the President ask a man with such opinions to speak in Jerusalem?

A: To make the President look better by comparison.

Q: At the same ceremony, President Trump asked evangelical pastor John C. Hagee to speak. Hagee once suggested that Hitler was part of God's plan to return Jews to Israel. Why would President Trump ask him to speak in Jerusalem?

A: To make Robert Jeffress look better by comparison.

SOURCE: The Arad Post

[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1096241580025]
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This Ain't No Language Fight,
No Torturing Of Words, No Strunk And White!

Come On Over And Set, Haspel

The CIA's new director Gina Haspel
Believes in the gospel
of Torquemada:
Turn the screws! Pour the water!
There will be no consequences later!
Then, we'll all go out for a tasty tostada.

To rational beings, it may be vile,
But torture, baby, is back in style!

There once were 92 video tapes
That showed CIA agents behaving like apes:
Waterboarding and force feeding prisoners anally.
With the reputation of the agency at stake,
Haspel ordered the tapes erased
So there would be no repercussions penally.

You think you live in a country of laws, meanwhile
Torture, friend, is back in style.

At Haspel's confirmation hearing
Some Democratic senators' criticism was searing,
But some, wanting to support a woman, refused to defeat it.
Although they wanted assurances for sure,
Haspel refused to denounce the CIA's torture,
Ensuring the CIA is doomed to repeat it.

When the President supports it without his usual guile,
You have to know, folks, that torture is back in style!

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/783.html]
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