Thank you, Brendan Fraser Gleeson Sexaphone, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we realized that people who don't want their children to make the same mistakes they made are making the same mistakes their parents made. And, we wept for humanity.
Facebook Obviously Hoping For The Pause That Refreshes
WHAT FACEBOOK CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER SHERYL SANDBERG SAYS: "We've seen a few advertisers pause with us and they're asking the same questions that other people are asking. They want to make sure they can use data and use it safely." WHAT FACEBOOK CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER SHERYL SANDBERG MEANS: "Our advertisers want assurances that they can continue to mine our data without legal repercussions. Just like our users. Sort of. In some indefinable way that looks like its opposite. But, isn't."
WHAT SANDBERG SAYS: "I think we're very confident that that was in compliance with the FTC consent decree." WHAT SANDBERG MEANS: "I think we're very confident that the current FTC will be in compliance with anything we choose to do."
WHAT SANDBERG SAYS: "If you were using hate-based ads for elections, we're drawing those lines much tighter and applying them uniformly." WHAT SANDBERG MEANS: "We'll continue with the nod, but no more winking. We're done with the winking - that's how you know we're serious."
WHAT SANDBERG SAYS: I am having "reassuring conversations with advertisers, just as we are with people." WHAT SANDBERG MEANS: "They are completely different conversations, but as long as people are talking they aren't suing, so our business model is safe."
WHAT SANDBERG SAYS: "We are massively investing in smart technology." WHAT SANDBERG MEANS: "We are massively relying on the stupidity of our users."
WHAT SANDBERG SAYS: "We're doing all of this to make sure we get to a place where we can pro-actively protect people's data." WHAT SANDBERG MEANS: "Buzzword buzwword buzzword - have I given politicians enough cover, yet? As fascinating as I'm sure this is for journalists like you, right now I'd really rather be running one of the biggest data collecting entities in the world!"
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/180407/geeklynews/01sherylsandberghahaha.htm]
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Recursive - Is That The Kind Of Handwriting They No Longer Teach In School?
9:32 pm. The Comedy Channel. Previously On... The recursive monstrosity enters its third marathon week. This is either an existential joke of Beckettian proportions, or The Comedy Channel cannot afford original programming. Either way, you have to wonder how long the network will be willing to keep this up - the sun will go supernova in less than 13 billion years...
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Now Historians Will Be Able To Pinpoint Exactly When This Story Became So Boring
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1376573038]
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These Days, It's Hard To Tell Fake News From Brake Chews From Mistake Booze
The Internet lit up over the weekend after videos showed dozens of local newscasters across the country using the same script to criticize the news industry. Amazon shed $53 billion in market value on Wednesday after Axios reported that the President is obsessed with regulating the e-commerce giant, whose founder and chief executive officer, Jeff Bezos, also owns The Washington Post newspaper.
U.S. President Donald Trump went to Sinclair's defense on Monday, posting on Twitter that the company's stations, which often run commentary that is favourable to his administration, are more reliable news sources than CNN or NBC. Still, Brad Pascale, who's managing Mr. Trump's 2020 presidential campaign, hinted in a tweet late on Thursday that the administration may act to raise Amazon's postal costs, which are negotiated with the Postal Service.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Hollywood Knuckleheads Scraping Bottom Of Barrel
JarheadWhen a raccoon looking for an easy meal gets its head stuck in a jar, a Wildlife Rescue Team is dispatched to save the adorable animal. Jake Gyllenhaal plays a veterinarian who is increasingly concerned that his girlfriend is cheating on him while he is busy sedating the raccoon and greasing its head. Jamie Foxx plays a cynical veterinarian who criticizes his work from a safe distance. Lucas Black plays the ambulance driver you won't even notice because you are so focused on the performances of Jake Gyllenhaal and Jamie Foxx.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0178950/]
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Mattel released a reverend Martin Luther King Doll to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the civil rights activist's murder. The doll wore pyjamas and a nightcap to celebrate his most famous speech. You know the one. Do I really have to - riiight: the "I have a dream" speech.
A bit literal, but the company's heart was in the right place. Or, so it seemed.
Conspicuously missing was a set of clothes featuring overalls and a union button, to celebrate Doctor King's growing solidarity with working class Americans, or a tie-dye t-shirt, jeans and an anti-war placard to celebrate his pacifism.
"We considered that wardrobe," said Mattel spokegenderneutralpositiondescription Flapper Doodle, "but we ran focus groups to see how the public would react to it and their responses still give me nightmares!"
SOURCE: Playtoy Magazine
[http://www.playtoy.com/worldofplaytoy/hmh/productreviews/hangin-with-herf-001.html]
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SOURCE: Ukrainian Foodies
[http://www.foodies.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%3Flistings%3Findex%3Easp%2F®Mode=0]
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