Thank you, Archibald Coxswain in Vain, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we wondered: if a television is on in a rec room but there is nobody there to watch it, is the television really on?
Enjoy,A Corporate Buzzword We Do Not Know The Meaning Of
Dear MicroSquish Product User,
You may have been alarmed by recent news of the misuse of information collected by social media companies. No, we won't name them - cough! Farcebook! Cough cough! - we all know who they are. The important point is, consumers may be tempted to punish all transnational technology behemoths because of the misdeeds of a small number - as far as anybody knows, an exceedingly small number - alright, one - companies. Err, company. In order to mollify you, our cherished end user, and to stave off potential government regulation, we have updated MicroSquish's privacy policies.
How we use the data you supply us with will now be completely transparent. Transparency will be our new watchword. You will know exactly what data we collect, who we share it with and what they plan on doing with it. Why? Transparency. How? Also, transparency. Transparency: not just for grade nine chemistry class presentations on overhead projectors any more. The only life worth living is the transparent life. We know that now. Our customers have spoken - yes, through a completely transparent process - and we have listened.
To learn more about our new policy of transparency, simply go to our Web page on the subject, the URL of which we will not publicly disclose, which is not linked from any other page on the Web and, in any case, the only copy of which is on a computer that is not networked with the Internet and which is programmed to fry the motherboard if anybody actually tries to access the page.
Transparency. Not just a corporate buzzword.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-379414794073613cahs01.html]
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Or, Does She Not Pay Attention?
When asked why President Trump said nothing critical when he spoke to President Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on winning an election he had engineered to ensure that he had no chance of losing, White House Press Secretary Sarah Suckabee-Handlers answered, "We don't get to dictate how other countries operate."
Somebody should tell that to Vice President Mike Pence, who has vowed to "end the tyranny in Venezuela."
And, it's obvious that President Trump didn't get the memo. He has tried to dictate how China conducts trade, how North Korea develops nuclear missiles, how Iran conducts nuclear research, how Europe polices immigration and how Canada plans to legalize marijuana. You could say the President is the How Other Countries Operate Dictator in Chief.
Does Huckabee-Sanders get the memos?
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2018Mar21]
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Don't Be So Modest, Andrew - The Conservative Party Has Filled That Role For Years
They huddle in forgotten corners and whimper, "I just want to be able to hunt rabbits with semi-automatic rifles without onerous background checks or paperwork. Is that really so much to ask? Really?"
Not for Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer, who has proposed creating the position of ombudsman for legal gun owners in the federal government. After all, if victims of crime have an ombudsman, why not armed perpetrators? Isn't the role of government to adjudicate competing interests equally?
"Legal gun owners have no voice in national politics," commented Scheer. "If we don't count the National Firearms Association. And, we should. They are imminently countable. And, we shouldn't forget the Canadian Coalition for Firearm Rights - as if they'd let us! Ha ha. Oh, and, of course, there is the Canadian Shooting Sports Association. And - okay, look. Legal gun owners have no voice inside national politics. That's all my suggestion amounts to, really..."
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2018/03/23/windscheer180323]
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It Could Have Been 98%, But He Tries To Be Modest
Vladimir Putin, whose theft of untold billions of rubles from the Russian treasury has made him one of the richest men in the world, has portrayed himself in the media which he largely controls as a simple peasant who enjoys guzzling vodka and wrestling yaks. To aid in constructing this image, Putin just released a video of himself singing a song called "Vlad From the Hood."
"My music is being dope, yo," President Putin said. "Big shoutout to my 70 per cent of 144.3 million homies!"
SOURCE: Demi-TASS
[http://en.demi-tass.com/russia/744262]
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He's Like A Bolton Out Of The Blue
Foreign policy wonks have to settle.
YOU WANT: Susan Rice.
YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: Michael Bolton.
YOU'LL GET: John Bolton.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Such A Sarkozy Arrangement!
Former French President Nicholas Sarkozy was placed in custody as part of an investigation into allegations that he received millions of euros in illegal campaign funds from the regime of Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi. In, umm, 2007. You know, when Gadhafi was ali -
No, wait! I see your eyes glazing over and your finger twitching over the remote! But, even though it happened over a decade ago, this is a story of epic corruption and political malfeasance! And...and...and, naked people! Of course there are naked people - this happened in France! If you'll just sit through explanations of how the money was transferred to Sarkozy and the implications for French democra -
Fiiiine! We'll get to that story just as soon as we report on the latest twist in the Stormy Daniels affair...
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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Bailouts "R" Us
It was a rite of passage for many American children: being taken to a local Toys "R" Us on their birthday or for holidays and told which playthings their family couldn't afford so they should stop whining and select one of the cheaper toys that their friends would make fun of mercilessly if the children ever made the mistake of letting them see them when they came over to play. Rites of passage are usually about the transition from innocence to knowledge; some are more brutal than others.
It was a rite that was set to make its own transition from existence to history as the chain went into bankruptcy. There may, however, be a shining knight.
If the price is right, Seduction, the chain that sells adult sex toys, will purchase the brand when it becomes available during bankruptcy liquidation. Of course, this would involve the Toys "R" Us brand in a very different rite of passage...
SOURCE: Playtoy Magazine
[http://www.playtoy.com/worldofplaytoy/hmh/hanging/adults-like-to-play-too-you-know-001.html]
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