What the Heck Do You Know? Makes a Point of Not Questioning Authority

1) What happened to morality in politics? a) its brain seized up and it now dribbles into its cold oatmeal in the Old Profundities Home
b) it saw the writing on the wall, and decided to become a graffiti artist; morality in politics' works can now be purchased at better art galleries near you for sums of money you will never be able to afford
c) there was ever morality in politics?

2) After the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States, hate crimes against blacks and latinos in America shot up. After the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States, hate crimes against Jews rose. After the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States, hate crimes against gays and lesbians rose. What is the common factor in all of these incidents? a) got me
b) gee, I don't know
c) it certainly is a puzzler
d) other denial


 3) Gun maker Smith & Wesson has changed its name. What will it now be called? a) Roly Poly, Cutesy Wootsy Instruments of Death, Inc.
b) American Outdoor Brands Corp.
c) Mick Donald's

 4) Reports are that the CIA had concluded in October that Russia had hacked DNC computers and released the information to the American public through WikiLeaks in order to help Donald Trump get elected President. The spy agency told President Obama, who convened a meeting of Congressional leaders to determine whether this information should be made public. How little time did it take Mitch McConnell to say, "Aww, hell, no!" a) .00000237 squadrillionths of a nanosecond
b) -.00000237 squadrillionths of a nanosecond
c) it took no time at all; he's been saying it since before Obama was born, and it's now just a reflex

 5) What is it? a) I have no idea, but I'll know it when I see it
b) a lyric from a Faith No More song (and wouldn't its mother be proud!)
c) it should go without saying

 6) After the American election, it was revealed that representatives of the Donald Trump campaign met with representatives of the Russian government. Whatever could they have talked about? a) the weather (given that human-created climate change is not happening, they were trying to come up with another explanation for human-created climate change)
b) who would make the cut on the next Celebrity Apprentice\ (Vladimir Putin is the show's number one fan)
c) anything but politics! They did not talk about politics! You know how you've forbidden talk of politics at family gatherings? It was like that, only a thousand times worse!

 7) Should you let your pooch lick your face? a) it depends - does your animal rights activism extend to fleas?
b) absolutely! And, you shouldn't let the fact that you know I don't like you colour your response to this answer!
c) that's no way to talk about my husband! ...while he's in the room...

 8) Has the bombastic Trump been divinely selected to force us to make necessary changes? a) yes
b) no
c) this is what you get when you tweet high. Don't do drugs, kids. And, if you have to do drugs (it happens), stay the hell off social media!

9) According to Vice President elect Mike Pence, "[Hillary Clinton] told Canadians and business groups that she wanted to get, and I'm quoting, ‘universal health-care coverage, like you have here in Canada.' Well, we don't want the socialized health care they have in Canada. We want American solutions." What American solutions would those be? a) letting Americans get sick because they can't afford health insurance
b) letting Americans go bankrupt because they can't afford long-term health care that their insurance doesn't cover
c) letting Americans die in poverty because they couldn't afford long-term health care that their insurance didn't cover
d) all of the American solutions above

 10) What is asset recycling? a) tin can recycling's older, more ambitious brother
b) privatization of government assets dressed up in social benefit garb
c) corporate America's wet dream - ooh, baby, let's go back to my place and recycle your assets!

11) Match the PET with the action best associated with him. a) President Elect Trump
b) Pierre Elliott Trudeau
c) Percy Elegant Turpentine

i) took his son-in-law into the business two and a half months before he absconded with the company funds
ii) I have to choose just one action?
iii) was a great dancer (he even once performed behind royalty)

12) Match the statement with the person who said it and the psychological condition that it reflects. a) "Nothing made me feel any better than, I walked to a gun shop, I think, yesterday in Oxford. There was a copy of [NRA monthly magazine] Rifleman on the counter. "It's got a picture of Hillary Clinton on the front of it. I was a little bit shocked at that it didn't have the bullseye on it."
b) "Hillary Clinton should be put in the firing line and shot for treason."
c) "Hillary Clinton...should be tried for treason, murder, and crimes against the US Constitution...then hung on the Mall in Washington, DC."

i) Richard Burr, Republican Senator from North Carolina
ii) New Hampshire House of Representatives member Al Baldasaro, Republican
iii) West Virginian Republican House of Delegates member Michael Folk

I) psychopath
II) sociopath
III) narcissist

 BONUS QUESTION: Match the person with their reaction to the news that Russia hacked Democratic politicians and institutions in order to help elect Donald Trump. alpha) "It didn't happen. Strange conspiracy nuts...!"
beta) "No, no, no - the Russians helped Clinton, not Trump."
gamma) "Treason is in the ideology of the beholder..."

 13) Order the following proposed band names from most awesome to least awesome: a) Halfway to Hemophilia
b) Bobbo Bruit's Bad Day
c) Chinwag
d) Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World
e) Cactus + Crocus = Crocodile
f) Precarious Boobage
g) Fred
h) Toxic Hairy Crabs
i) Cheesy Avalanche
j) Tilt-a-World
k) Ian Flexnard and the Inappropriate Observation
l) Crumple Damage
m) The Penitent Imbroglio

 14) Are Jews people? a) We are Devo
b) CNN chyron writers are idiots
c) CNN chyron writers are Devo

 15) Chris Christie made of a fool of himself supporting Donald Trump during the Presidential election. Really, it was an "Oh, will you two get a room already?" kind of situation. Yet, when he was elected Trump refused to give Christie a position in his government. Why? a) Christie doesn't look good in a bikini
b) Jared Kushner, Trump's son-in-law, advised against it; he was unable to forgive the fact that Christie's great24-grandfather killed Trump's great24-grandfather's ox by feeding it tainted manna
c) Christie was a bridge too far

 16) Match the violation of self-dealing with the charitable foundation where it happened: a) Palm Beach, Florida fined Donald J. Trump over a large flagpole he erected at his Mar-a-Lago Club. The town agreed to waive $120,000 in unpaid fines if his club donated $100,000 to Fisher House, a charity helping wounded veterans and military personnel. The Foundation paid that donation instead.
b) Donald J. Trump bid $10,000 to buy a four-foot painting of himself by artist Havi Schanz at a charity gala. The Foundation paid for the painting.
c) Donald J. Trump settled with a golfer who claimed Donald J. Trump cheated him out of $1 million for getting a hole in one on his course. The Foundation paid the $158,000 settlement to the man's charity.

i) the Donald J. Trump Foundation
ii) the Donald J. Trump Foundation
iii) the Donald J. Trump Foundation

 17) What is "reverse Jim Crow?" a) a dance move popular on Soul Train
b) part of the medical procedure known as a "soulectomy"
c) the fact that you would even question the legitimacy of the term is a clear case of white shaming, you reverse racist bastard!

18) I'm sorry, but what is this white shaming of which you speak? a) making people feel bad for wearing the colour after Easter
b) making people feel bad for wearing the colour of sheets at any time of the year
c) a way wealthy, predominantly white people have of getting less wealthy white people to blame their lack of resources on people of colour for

 19) What is Betsy DeVos' biggest qualification to be Secretary of Education in Donald Trump's government? a) the fact that she has no teaching experience and has never worked in a school environment
b) The fact that she does not believe in or support public education and thinks that public school teachers are overpaid
c) the fact that, as a billionaire, she could afford to donate $9.5 million to Trump's election campaign
d) all of the above, and so much less

 20) When a black man was arrested on suspicion of killing a local police officer, Burnet County, Texas Judge James Oakley commented on Facebook: "Time for a tree and a rope." When people complained that this apparent advocacy of a lynching was racist, Oakley responded: "I never made that connection but I do see how somebody could make that connection and be offended towards that. That was not my intent. Maybe I watched too many Westerns when I was little." What can you do with a tree and a rope if you're not talking about lynching? a) jump rope in shade (the sun in Texas sometimes gets harsh enough to fry an egg on a sidewalk, or a judge's brain on the bench!)
b) tie up protesters while you cut down the tree to build a campaign platform
c) super happy fun sexy times (don't judge!)