You Shouldn't Have Said It If You Couldn't Live With the Cranberry Sauce!

What You Talkin' About, Donald?

Coronations Are So Eighteenth Century!

"Just thinking to myself right now, we should just cancel the election and give it to Trump. What are we even having it for? What are we having it for?" - Donald Trump

All He Knows About Rhetoric He Learned From Billy Schmutz In Grade Three

"No, you're the puppet!" - Donald Trump, on allegations that he's too close to Vladimir Putin

Somewhere In The Deepest Circle, A Guest On Burn In Hell With George Wallace Is Smiling

"The law's totally on my side. The President can't have a conflict of interest." - Donald Trump

 "When the President does it, that means that it is not illegal." - Richard Nixon

What You Talkin' About, Friends and Allies of Donald?

A White Association For The Advancement Of Coloured People? I'm Sure Blacks Would Appreciate The Support

"If we want to have a white state or a white community or a white homeland, we should have that. We respect that for all people. If we look at the NAACP, black people have the right to have that. Why can't white people have a WAACP?" - white supremacist Preston Wiginton

Truth Is Taking An Awfully Long Time To Get Its Boots On

"You want to go to Canada? I'll pay for you to go to Canada. You want to go to Kenya, Jakarta, where you went to school back in the day, you can go back there. Anywhere you want to go...I have one stipulation: you can't come back." - Sean Hannity offers Barack Obama post-election travel assistance

That's Much Better, Then

"The liberal media took what I said and went against the law and the Constitution and ran with it, and they said that I wanted her assassinated, which I never did. I said I spoke as a veteran, and she should be shot in a firing squad for treason." - New Hampshire House of Representatives member Al Baldasaro, Republican

If You Don't Like It, He'll...Tweet In The Middle Of The Night What Losers You Are!

"We got a new president you fucking faggots." - Trump supporter reportedly said this to a gay man in a bar on election night

 Either He's An Idiot, Or He Thinks We're Idiots
I Don't Know Which Prospect Is More Depressing

"One wonders if these people are people at all, or instead soulless golems." - alt-right ideologue Richard Spencer in a speech at the National Policy Institute, a white nationalist think tank

 The Nazi salutes were "clearly done in a spirit of irony and exuberance." - alt-right ideologue Richard Spencer on the response of some in the audience to his speech

Is That What The Kids Are Calling It These Days You Dirty Old Man?

"If Trump loses, I'm grabbing my musket." - former Illinois Representative Joe Walsh, Republican

Soon To Be A Scent By Armani

"I've talked to people that are in protective details. They're scared of [Hillary Clinton]. And they say, 'Listen, she's a frickin' demon and she stinks and so does Obama.' I go, 'Like what?' 'Sulphur. They smell like hell.'" - Conservative radio host Alex Jones

This Is What Happens When The Big Bad Wolf Is Elected Mayor Of The Pigs' Village

"The system, when it disagrees, infantilizes the people and plays the Big Bad Wolf. They try to scare people because they don't have arguments, and the day after the election of Donald Trump, the sun rises and we realize that none of the big disasters that were announced has happened." - Marine le Pen

 "...some said we deserved to be lynched or shot just like the other black people that have died recently. Another believed that since we didn't want to stand for the anthem, we should be hung before the anthem for the next game." - Nebraska Cornhusker Michael Rose-Ivey, on the reaction to his kneeling during the national anthem to protest police violence

 "This is White America now. Take your retarded self and go somewhere else. Trump is president now." - an anonymous person talking to an American Sign Language user.

What You Talkin' About, Artists?

WHY EVEN PUT THE IDEA IN HIS HEAD?

"I'm glad [Zac Efron] hasn't asked me...to murder someone for him, because I probably would." - Anna Kendrick

Not To Mention The Fact That Their Drool Will Short Out Their Amps Mmm...Lobster!

"You can't make music with a bunch of boys who are staring at a lobster on your head. They are going to get distracted." - Lady Gaga

Hollywood Is Full Of Sartres

"It should be women-empowering. You know, equal opportunity objectification for everyone." - Channing Tatum, on the Magic Mike Like show

What You Talkin' About, Everybody Else?

! And, Here I Thought You Were A Family Newspaper!

"Also opening: Stella Meghie's Jean of the Joneses, a dsyfuctional family comedy at the Carlton; and Farren Blackburn's home-invasion thriller Shut In, at various GTA theatres." - Toronto Star

He'd Be Like My Aunt Bertha, Except With Fewer Complaints About Her Aching Back And More International Dread

"Imagine if Donald Trump was a woman. You simply can't." - Guardian columnist Hadley Freeman

The Absurd Ironyometer Isn't Holding Its Breath Waiting For Donald Trump To Heed That Call

"Fear, intimidation and vandalism are not a legitimate form of political expression. Those who employ it must be called to account." - Washington state Senator Doug Ericksen, defending his support for attempts to criminalize protests

But...But...But Nigel Farage Assured Us That You'd Be Pushovers!

"In the UK, it's fair game to bash Brussels. And, then, you don't need to be surprised that in Brussels they bash you back." - Joseph Muscat, the Prime Minister of Malta, on the Brexit

We're Experts At Pushing Ourselves Around, Thank You Very Much!

"Comrades! We interrupt regular scheduled Russian Foreign Affairs Website programming to bring you the following important message: Knock it off. You may be able to push around nations around you, but this is America." - The Jester, an American hacker

Scientists Are The Canaries In The Coal Economy

"All of us benefit around the world when science in the U.S. is strong." - Michael Rudnicki, President, Canadian Stem Cell Network