"I'm speaking today with Mister Egon Flempner. Mister Flempner, how much of a Donald Trump fan would you say you are?"
"Unthinking, unblinking and in your face, stupid world!"
"Did you say in your face stupid, world!"
"Umm...sounds right. Yeah."
"And, what have you done to show your support for the presumptive Republican Presidential candidate?"
"Done?"
"You know - that thing you mentioned earlier?"
"Oh! Yeah. Yeah! I punched somebody who heckled Trump at a rally! Punched him in the face! Really cleaned his clock!"
"Only, it wasn't a heckler, was it?"
"Oh. Well, no. He was delivering a pizza to somebody in the stands - he was just shouting the guy's name trying to find him. That's too bad... Still, it shows you how much I believe in The Donald - that's what I call him: The Donald - it's a little personal connection that The Donald and I share - that I'm willing to punch a pizza delivery guy at a rally just because I suspect he might be an anti-Trump heckler!"
"And, you're able to talk to me because you're currently out on bail?"
"Yeah. My parents put up the money. Our lawyer says I could probably get off with six months community service if I wear a tie to the trial. But, even if I have to do some hard jail time - I mean, sweaty hard, with lots of hardened criminals who make it...not easy - it will be worth it to take this country back!"
"I see. So, you believe in Trump's stated agenda?"
"Aww, hell yes!"
"For instance, you believe that if elected he will build a wall across the Mexican border?"
"I'll be there to lay the first brick! ...If I'm out of prison by then. If not, I'll be there in spirit! And, maybe Facebook!"
"Were you aware that the estimated cost of building the wall would be a quadrillion dollars -?"
"And, well worth the cost if it keeps those illegals from entering the country."
"And 34 cents."
"Thirty...four...cents? Seriously? I - what a waste of taxpayer dollars! We work hard for every thirty-four cents we get, too hard to give it away to the government, who will just squander it on frivolous policies and stuff! I...I may have to rethink my support for this idea - but, hey! Didn't The Donald say he would get Mexico to pay for it?"
"I will give you that - other people always seem to pay for Trump's mistakes. Still, Mister Flempner, would you say that you were penny wise and pound foolish?"
"It depends."
"Upon what?"
"What it's a pound of."
"It's - what?"
"Pound foolish? Like, if it's a pound of Grade-A American beef between two patties with all the fixings, then, yeah, sure, I'd be foolish for that. On the other hand, if it's a pound of shi -"
"Ah. Okay. I'll just interrupt, there, because -"
"How rude!"
"...I think I see where the problem is. The pound is the currency of Great Britain. Being penny wise and pound foolish means -"
"Oh, well, in that case, screw it. No Brits are gonna foolish me."
PAUSE"How about his promise to deport all of the undocumented Mexicans in the country?"
"I'll miss burritos, but, otherwise, good riddance!"
"Do you realize that if Trump used Air Force One to do the job, with an average two way flight time of six hours - let's say three trips a day - it would take over 35 years to get them all out of the country?"
"If he used the Vice President's plane, he could cut that in half! It's not like the Vice President does anything important - he can take the bus!"
"And, who is going to do the jobs those people used to do?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Do you want to pick grapes in California?"
"I...I'm allergic to grapes."
"Be a nanny to children in New York?"
"I...I'm allergic to babies."
"Care for the lawns of Texas oil billionaires?"
"I...I'm allergic to Texas."
"You see what I'm getting at?"
"You want me to stock up on Claritin?"
"Noooo, I'm saying that the people Trump wants to deport do important jobs that most Americans are unable or unwilling to do. What will happen if they no longer live in the country?"
"We'll build robots to replace them."
"Would you want your children to be raised by robot nannies?"
PAUSE"It seems unlikely that Donald Trump will be able to keep all of his campaign promises. I have to wonder, Mister Flempner, what will you -"
"You stop that right now! You wouldn't be saying that if there wasn't this wall of bullet-proof glass between us!"
"Erm. Good point. Still, I have to ask: what will you do if Donald Trump is unable to keep all of his campaign promises when he becomes President?"
"I...I don't know. Is David Duke considering running in 2024?"