Sailing Off Into the Sunset on Quoty McFloaty Boaty

The Donald

And Journalists.
And Academics.
And Housewives.
And Children.
There Are Worse Role Models...But Not Many

"You know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights. They didn't talk. They were terrorists. Over. Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism." - Donald Trump praises Saddam Hussein

He's The Andre Breton Of American Politics (Minus The Cheese-eating Surrendering, I Mean)

"I don't like mosquitoes! I don't like those mosquitoes - I never did. Speaking of mosquitoes, hello Hillary." - Donald Trump

And, Those Are His Good Qualities!

"He's an ignorant, amoral, dishonest and manipulative, misogynistic, philandering, hyper-litigious, isolationist, protectionist blowhard." - wealthy Republican donor Michael K. Vlock explaining why he refuses to support Donald Trump

Still Winning Friends And Influencing People

"Mitt Romney had his chance to beat a failed president, but he choked like a dog." - Donald Trump responds to criticism by Mitt Romney

 "Based on the disastrous campaign she ran in California, and the tens of millions of dollars she wasted, I have learned a lot from her. I do not want her support." - Donald Trump responds to criticism from Meg Whitman

What Appals Americans Is That He Is Man Liberated From Reason, From Compassion, And Even From Reality

"What appeals to Americans is that he is a man liberated from Wall Street, from markets and from financial lobbies, and even from his own party." - France's National Front leader Marine Le Pen

That's What Domestic Christian Extremists Are For!

"Ask yourself, who is really the friend of women and the LGBT community. Donald Trump with his actions, or Hillary Clinton with her words? ...Hillary Clinton can never claim to be a friend of the gay community as long as she continues to support immigration policies that bring Islamic extremists to our country who suppress women, gays and anyone who doesn't share their views." - Donald Trump's diplomatic, non-partisan response to the Orlando shooting

Good To Know That If He Doesn't Become President, He Can Give Fashion Tips For Cosmo Magazine

"You know, you're not allowed to use hairspray anymore because if affects the ozone. You know that, right? I said, 'You mean to tell me' - 'cause you know hairspray's not like it used to be, it used to be real good. Give me a mirror. But no, in the old days, you put the hairspray on, it was good. Today, you put the hairspray on, it's good for 12 minutes, right?" - Donald Trump

The Everybody Else

They Also Gave You The American Constitution, But, Uhh, That May Be Too Far In The Past To Mean Much To You

"People passionate about egality gave us the Soviet Union and all those murders, and Communist China and the starvation, and lovely North Korea. I am suspicious of all this passion." - Charlie Munger, Warren Buffet's partner at Berkshire Hathaway, on complaints about income inequality

Every Politician Is A Virgin

"No one coming here tonight has any thought that this would lead to a government contract. I'm not in a position. I can't give out five cents." - Ontario Progressive Conservative leader Patrick Brown, explaining why his public fundraising efforts were different than that of Liberal Premier Kathleen Wynne

Since When Has That Stopped You?

"I just don't have any material. I don't have anything to draw on. But, I wouldn't hesitate if I had a good story." - Woody Allen explains why he doesn't make a film about a romance between an older woman and a younger man

Let He Who Is Without A Numbered Account Cast The First Subpoena

"We've some leaders of some fantastically corrupt countries coming to Britain. Nigeria and Afghanistan, possibly the two most corrupt countries in the world." - British Prime Minister David Cameron

You Had Me At Psychosis

"There's something of a mass psychosis going on related to the so-called starvation for yield." - CEO of DoubleLine Capital Jeffrey Gundlach

Give That Woman A Nobel Peace Prize!

"I'm convinced that some of the worst arguments can be resolved by having a dance-off." - Paula Abdul

A Class Act To The End, He Head Butted Donald Tusk Before Mooning The EU Delegates And Running Out Of The Meeting Chamber

"Isn't it funny? When I came here 17 years ago and I said that I wanted to lead a campaign to get Britain to leave the European Union, you all laughed at me - well, I have to say, you're not laughing now, are you? ... Now, I know that virtually none of you have ever done a proper job in your lives or worked in business or worked in trade or indeed ever created a job. But listen, just listen." - Nigel Farage to a meeting of members of the European Union

Wall Street Understands Her Value, Too (But That's Not Necessarily Something To Celebrate...)

"When people worry that she got paid a lot for her speeches, I shout hurrah. Good for her. In a world where women are paid less, she understands her value." - Erica Jong on Hillary Clinton

 It Only Leads To Ideas
Which Only Lead To Innovations
Which Only Improves People's Lives
Sorry, But We Just Can't Tolerate THAT!

"What's the point of thinking?" - Kanye West

 The Gay Christians Who Participate Are Confused
Fortunately, There's A Medical Treatment For That...

"Gay pride parades hold one purpose, to mock Christians. These parades exist to offend and intimidate Christians and they should be outlawed as hate speech." - Republican Senator Jason Rapert

We Hesitate To Suggest The Possibility That There Might Be Potential Substance To Our Report

"There is evidence to support a conclusion that any reasonable person in Secretary Clinton's position...should have known that an unclassified system was no place" for classified documents. - the US Justice Department's report on Hillary Clinton's use of her personal computer for government business when she was Secretary of State

Casino Owners Must Love Poor People - They Create So Many Of Them

"Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people. So we try and make the place feel upscale for everyone." - Steve Wynn explaining his vision for a planned casino near Boston