If Only You Got to Know Them, You Could Learn to Love Headlines...

After All, That Barn Door Won't Close Itse - Do You Hear The Sound Of Stampeding Horses?

"Economists: Investors may want to adopt a more cautious strategy" - Globe and Mail

I'll Never Look At The Phrase "Son Of A Gun" The Same Way Again!

"Want to promote gun control? Appeal to parents" - Toronto Star

Some Day, You'll Have To Explain How A Slump Could Be Interpreted As Optimism About The Economy

"Bonds: Slump could be interpreted as pessimism about economy" - Globe and Mail

Somehow, I Don't Think Getting In Touch With His Inner Howard Beale Will Be Good For The Economy

"Poloz needs to get 'mad as hell'" - Toronto Sun

If They Run Out Of Bullets, They Can Always Throw The Pot At The Heads Of Their Assailants

"Fugitive mobsters found in Italian bunker with guns, pasta pot" - Toronto Star

A Birthday Party Without A Morose Talking Dog

"What is a 'financial planner,' really? - Globe and Mail

After Being Unfairly Passed Over For The Family Drama Zardoz, It's About Time!

"Oscar finally notices Charlotte Rampling
British actress, 69, nominated for role in sci-fi film, 45 years" - Toronto Star

If We Call It An "Economic Diet," It Won't Seem So...So Ba - SOOOOOBBB!

"Reitmans cuts 77 head-office jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Rogers Media to reduce workforce by 200 jobs" - Toronto Star

"Canadian Pacific to cut 1,000 jobs" - Toronto Star

"Oil Firm BP to slash thousands more jobs" - Globe and Mail

"DuPont to cut 1,700 jobs ahead of merger" - Globe and Mail

"Signs of retail's changing times
As Macy's cuts about 5,000 jobs, several online decisions point to a rocky road in the sector" - Toronto Star

"Toshiba plans 7,800 job cuts" - Globe and Mail

Satirists Around The World Will Mourn

"Relax, Trump won't win" - Toronto Star

Oh, Don't Tease Us Like This! Satirists Have Delicate Dispositions, Don't Ya Know!

"Trump-Palin ticket?
Seems unlikely and The Donald denies it, but ya never know" - Toronto Sun

And Pork Futures Slump...And Auto Manufacturing Slump...And Inkjet Printer Slump...And - What Exactly Was Your Point?

"Blue-collar workers worst off in oil slump" - Globe and Mail

So, You're Saying...Goodwill Needs More Good Will?

"Goodwill must be rebuild trust" - Toronto Star

So, You're Saying...Setting Targets Gives You Targets?

"Setting targets gives you something to aim at" - Globe and Mail

Just Like A Newspaper Can't Endorse A Political Party But Not Its Leader...Right?

"Canada can be in or out - not both" - Globe and Mail

If I Do, Will You Stop Pretending Our Actions In The Middle East Have No Effect On How Countries In The Region Interact With Us?

"Stop pretending Islamic terror is our fault" - Toronto Sun

Economists Will Tell You There Are Serious Problems In The Market The Homeless Guy On The Corner Will Tell You It's A Great Time To Invest

"How bad is it? Depends who you ask" - Globe and Mail

Environmentalists To Blame (In Every Sense)

"Canada's back to being a lesser power" - Toronto Sun

That's Some Punishment For Its Role In The Market Meltdown Of 2008, I Suppose...

"Goldman sees smallest profit in four years" - Globe and Mail

Who Da Man...ning? Dere Appears To Be A Difference Of Opinion On Dis Subject...

"Preston Manning: the energizer bunny of the political right" - Toronto Star

"Manning, on wing and prayer" - Toronto Star

Did You Have To Look That Up In A Dictionary?

"Stock market correction doesn't spell economic doom" - Globe and Mail

Because The Word "Impartiality" Obviously Isn't In Your Dictionary

"Needed: A referee, but also a leader" - Globe and Mail

They Exist In A Dimension At A Ninety Degree Angle To It

"Police are not above the law" - Toronto Star

Why Do You Think They're Keeping It Such A Secret?

"Who is Generation X? If only marketers knew" - Globe and Mail

Weren't We Talking About What To Do About Syria?

"Support for Energy East is Trudeau's only option" - Globe and Mail

But, They Have Less To Lose From Assault Charges Than My Married Friends Do!

"Stop making your single friends want to throttle you" - Toronto Star

When It Gets Spanked Often Enough, The Skin Hardens

"MAPLE LEAFS
The bottom might not be as bad this time around" - Toronto Star

Trudeau Beat Brazeau In The Ring - Why Do You Think Mulcair Has A Better Chance?

"Mulcair deserves another shot at PM" - Toronto Sun

Beware The World War II Aftertaste

"Shoushin's $1,000 rare cognac prized as 'century in a glass'" - Globe and Mail

Because We Won't Be Able To Escape Your Coverage Of It?

"The case against Ghomeshi
With former CBC's star trial on sex assault charges set to begin on Monday, here's what to expect in a case that will capture the attention of a nation" - Toronto Star