Quotes Were Wondering if You Were Going to Eat That -
Times Are Tough, You Know!

THE AMERICAN ELECTION

Shouldn't You See How Well He Has Run His Businesses Before You Say That With Such Admiration?

"He's going to run the country like a business." - Donald Trump supporter

He Meant To Say "I'm Self-deluding My Campaign," But He Got Confused By A Shiny Object

"I'm self-funding my campaign. I'm the only one." - Donald Trump, ignoring the nearly $4 million in donations he received in the previous quarter

Tsk Tsk - Somebody Hasn't Been Paying Attention...

"There is no meaningful risk of Christians committing acts of terror." - Ted Cruz explaining why the United States should allow only Christian refugees from Syria to enter, not Muslims

In Fact, Any Trump Quote Works Better If You Imagine The Politician Windmilling His Arms While Saying It

"Now, the poor guy, you oughta see this guy - uh, I don't know what I said, uh, I don't remember. He's going like, I don't remember." - Donald Trump, on disabled reporter Serge Kovaleski. Quote works best if you imagine Trump windmilling his arms while saying it

TRUMP: "I Thought He Would Go Along With My Statement That I Didn't Know Him - That Just Proves That I Really Didn't Know Him!"

"If Mr. Kovaleski is handicapped, I would not know, because I do not know what he looks like. If I did know, I would definitely not say anything about his appearance." - Trump tweet about the statement, implying he did not know the reporter

 "Donald and I were on a first-name basis for years." - Kovaleski's statement refuting Trump's statement

You Have To Agree That This Hour's High School Massacre Is Such A LAME Rationale...

"I'm tired of the Democrats and Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton...using every excuse possible to try to take my guns!" - former Republican district chairman Jack Morgan

He Can Get Away With This Because He Excretes Sunshine Out Of His Every Orifice

"Quite frankly, I thought Hillary's best moment the entire night was when she was in the restroom, not on the stage, and maybe should've stayed there and it would've been her, perhaps, shining moment through the whole debate." - Mike Huckabee on Hillary Clinton's bathroom break during the Democratic Presidential candidates' debate

He Can Get Away With This Because He Has Subordinates Go To The Bathroom For Him

"I know where she went, it's disgusting, I don't want to talk about it. No, it's too disgusting. Don't say it, it's disgusting, let's not talk, we want to be very, very straight up." - Donald Trump on Hillary Clinton's bathroom break during the Democratic Presidential candidates' debate

I'll Give Trump This: He Sure Is Making Americans Grate Again

"I've had my fill of fucking intellectuals. I love Trump. He's not an intellectual. He says he's going to make America great again, that excites me. " - Donald Trump supporter

THE CANADIAN ELECTION

"If Only We Had Found A Kindler, Gentler Way To Make People Hate Muslims..."

"On substantive points, we've been a very good government. I think where we went wrong was on tone and we have to learn from our mistakes." - Conservative Jason Kenney

Whoa! That Honeymoon Didn't Even Make It To The Bedroom!

"Voters said they are looking for policies that reflect the social values they prize. That portends a potentially powerful backlash if the new government falls short..." - Jaime Watt, Chairman of Navigator Ltd.

That's Harsh...Nobody Was Likely To Save The Conservatives No Matter How Many Drugs They Consumed

"Trudeau wins! Crack-smoking ex-mayor fails to save Canada's Conservatives." - Sputnik, Russian state-owned news service

Okay - Now We're Balanced!

"He was a drama teacher for a year and now he's going to be prime minister? You have to be kidding me!" - Doug Ford on Justin Trudeau

I'm Not Going To Name Any Of Them So As Not To Disturb The Part Of My Brain In Which They Live

"Even diehard Liberals wonder if Justin Trudeau deserved to win a majority government on his very first try... It's like giving your kid the keys to the Ferrari before he's finished driving lessons." - Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente

You Don't Have A Great Grasp Of Cause And Effect, Do You?

"It was not Harper's record or his policies - it's just that people hated Harper..." - anonymous Conservative hack analysing the election results

ACTUAL IMPORTANT NEWS

Because Everybody Can Ask Clint Eastwood To Direct Their Shooting Parties...

"I grew up shooting guns and Eddie [Cibrian] loves to shoot, so we go ride horses and shoot... We get to be normal." - Leanne Rimes

Whoa! Look At The Vocabulary On You! Somebody Sounds All Elitey and Shit!

"Since the acquisition of our new Sun Media brands, the integration process has accelerated within our expanded Postmedia team. While we continue to face the significant challenges to our traditional business model, the year ahead will see us leveraging out new scale and launching expanded product and service offerings to Canadian audiences and marketers." - Postmedia President Paul Godfrey

Wow. You Would Have Had To Mind Meld With Over A Billion People To Come To That Conclusion - I Admire Your Dedication, Sir!

"Most of those people [Muslims] don't want to participate actively in bringing about the deaths of diners and concertgoers and soccer fans, but at a certain level most of them either wish for or are indifferent to the death of the societies in which they live." - Mark Steyn, National Post

Premier Wants To Build A Brad Wall Around Canada

"I am asking you to suspend your current plan to bring 25,000 Syrian refugees to Canada by the end of the year and to re-evaluate this goal and the processes in place to achieve it." - Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall

When They Called Hollywood The Dream Factory, They Really Should Have Been More Specific About Whose Dream They Were Talking About

"I'm 37 and I was told recently I was too old to play the lover of a man who was 55." - Oscar nominated actress Maggie Gyllenhaal