"I need a vacation!"
"If we had enough money to be able to afford it - which we don't - and could take time away from our busy work schedules - which we can't - and our bodies wouldn't react badly to the rich foods and enforced slothfulness -"
"Honey, must you make with the qualifications?"
"Oh, I'm only just getting started! I haven't even mentioned weather, airport security or the children."
"Oh, honey! What do I always say about qualifications?"
"That most of the time they're for losers?"
"Exact - what? Did you add a - never mind. I need a vacation! Forget everything else and focus on that."
"Fair enough. Where do you want to go?"
"I've been thinking of Europe. Maybe London -"
"London? Really?"
"What's wrong with London?"
"Don't you remember Quantum of Solace?"
"Ohhhhh, it blowed up real good, didn't it? Still, that was only one build -"
"Snatch. End of discussion."
"Umm. Yeah. Okay. Well, it doesn't have to be London. Anywhere in Europe would do, really. How about -"
"Taken 2."
"The Liam Neeson movie? What about it?"
"Don't you remember when little Jody's high school teacher tried to arrange a trip to Europe? Parents of 40 of the 60 children in the class refused to let them go because they had seen the movie Taken 2! And, if it's good enough for parents of brats our children don't get along with and who never invite us to any of their parties and are snobby to us when we meet them on the street and -"
"Now you're starting with the grievances?"
"Okay, okay. We can deal with those later. My point is that we can't go to Europe because of Taken 2."
"You, uhh, know Taken 2 wasn't a documentary, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. I know Taken 2 wasn't a documentary. I'm not stupid! I'm saying we shouldn't go to Europe because a fictional movie made it look like a really violent place - especially when Americans were there!"
"Oh, well, as long as you have a good reason...okay, we don't have to go to Europe. We could always go to...Asia. How would you like to go to...Japan?"
"Have you never heard of anime?"
"Well, sure, but cartoons -"
"I knew you were going to run with the cartoons angle. I just got two words for you: Battle. Royale."
"You want to go on vacation?"
"Actually, you're the one who wants to go on -"
"But, you're supposed to be humouring me, here, right?"
"Oh, right. Well, in that case, I more than want to go on vacation. I am positively stoked to go on vacation. I am on fire for the vacationing."
"On fire, hunh?"
"Sssst - absolutely smoking!"
"Okay. How about...China?"
"How about Hard Boiled or The Killer?"
"Okay, not Hong Kong. But, what about the Chinese mainland?"
"What about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?"
"A historical drama? You wanna kill a trip to China because of a historical drama? Don't you think the country has changed since the events depicted in that film?"
"Yeah. It's harder to breath in the major cities."
" Okay. Tell you what: why don't we have a vacation in the United States. Can't go wrong with an American vacation...right?"
"Sounds like a good idea."
"Great! You know, I've always wanted to go to New York. We could -"
"What about Dirty Harry?"
"Is he...a homeless man?"
"No. It's a Clint Eastwood movie about a vigilante policeman who -"
"Okay. No New York. How about...San Francisco?"
"Vertigo."
"Chicago?"
"Candyman."
"Boston?"
"Mystic River."
"Baltimore."
"Baltimore?"
"Why not?"
"Why?"
"It's the home of Edgar Allen Poe."
"The Wire."
"You know, the more we talk about the possibility of having a vacation, the more I get the distinct feeling that you don't want to go anywhere."
"Isn't 'going somewhere' the very definition of a vacation?"
"I used to think so. Now, I'm not so sure."
"We just haven't found the right place, yet. Anywhere else?"
"New Orleans."
"American Horror Story."
"Los Angeles."
"Boyz n the Hood."
"Got anything more recent?"
"Sure. Menace II Society."
"Miami."
"...Vice."
"The International Space Station."
"Gravity."
"The moon."
"Moon."
"Mars."
"Oh, now you're just reaching..."
"Boise."
"Hunh. You know, I believe there has never been a violent film or TV series set in Boise. Yes. Yes, I would be happy to vacation in Boise."
"And, the fact that your parents happen to live there...?"
"Hadn't even occurred to me..."