If I had written the sequel about Holden Caulfield 60 years later, I would have called it Catheter in the Rye...
Is a tax on milk a lait fee?
When it comes to posting my thoughts on the Internet, I brook no retweet, no surrender...
I told her what I thought an Indonesian skirt was; if it's sarong, I don't want to be right...
After my heart surgery, you could say that my diet was bran spanking new...
When you can't keep your contact lenses clean, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem...
If you want to express an emotion that you don't feel online, should you use an emoti-con?
Neo-Nazis? What fresh new heil is this...?
Just because I no longer live in Quebec, that doesn't mean I've stopped keeping it Montreal...
Soil erosion? No great Loess...
I don't know if there are aliens out there, but, if there are, we're all SETI to meet them...
Taking a bite out of food so that nobody else will eat it should be called tasting to destruction...
Sub rosa: flowers in a U-boat...
You're staying out of the market until the economy improves? Like, wise, man...
My favourite pickle? Dill, baby, dill!
Bad puns about wickerware fruit: rattan apples...
I wanted to say something to support the deaf, but the point was mute...
In every rumour of war, there is always a colonel of truth...
What happens after you die? Reapercussions...
How did I get the store to accept the coupon past the due date? I just used my redeeming qualities...
I didn't want to hold my nose in Poland, but the Oder was unbearable...
When it comes to country torch singers during the holidays, I'll be singing "Auld K. D. Lang Syne..."
How did I feel about not getting the Internet domain name that I wanted? Que CIRA CIRA...
Dr. Seuss meets Shakespeare: Sam-I-Ambic pentameter
And, remember, teens: it's always dorkiest before the prom...
Novel about a U-Boat captain who needs all the help he can get: 20,000 Colleagues Under the Sea
You believe in demons? Have a Baal...
My favourite author/cold weather comfort: Frank Lip Baum...
I know you don't like Japanese food, but there's no need to have a tempura tantrum...
I don't believe in insurrection, I just like keeping things Riel...
If you only stop fighting with your coworkers about which station to listen to on the radio when you drive under a bridge, you must have car pool tunnel syndrome...
The horrid horde whored its hoard to the bored...
The apparent apparel apparatchik was an apparition...
The gays' gaze goes to the gauze...
The bloated goat smote the remote emoticon...
The couscous kookoo caucus cratered at the cookout...
The Lorax with Borax stuck in its thorax paid more tax...
The wretched retched at the wrenching ranch dressing...
The suffering Sufi's soufflé sufficed...
The naval nave's navel never needs Nivea...
The vicious bitch's knishes were delicious...
The hokey hockey hooker played hooky...
The amassed chaps' apps collapsed in the apse...
The man in Gore-Tex wanted more sexed whore text from the vortex...
Gorilla, go!
Life is 2001: A Space Odyssey to those who think and Star Wars to those who feel...
You're too cynical to be so young...
Extraordinary pop corn for extra ordinary people...
Sorry, there doesn't appear to be any hot damn in stock. Would you settle for some lukewarm darnit?
Gravity's a bitch, now so am I!
Show me a man who is tired of dental floss, and I will show you a man who is tired of life...
I don't intend to elevate the mundanity of everyday life - I mean to avoid it completely!
I'd skip to the back of the universe, but I'm not sure I'll find the answers there...
Because show and tell is not for the faint of heart...
God does not play dice with the universe. Poker is more His game...
I am amused and confused by life's little ironies. Unfortunately, I never developed a taste for distilled damnation...
Humour so clever it practically __________________________.
I do not have premature baldness! I have...mature baldness...
It's not a blog, it's a feature!
"We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars?" Maybe when the stars get out of rehab, they can help us get out of the gutter...
