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Enjoy,Do you want to know what President Donald Trump really thinks of what he is saying in his speeches? Watch his hands. Some scientists now believe that Trump's hands actually have their own semaphoric language.
For instance, in a speech in Phoenix, Trump said, "The media and my opponent discuss one thing and only one thing, the needs of people living here illegally. In many cases, by the way, they're treated better than our vets. Not going to happen anymore, folks. November 8th. Not going to happen anymore." But his hands said, "Hoo, boy, does anybody really buy this crap? You. In the front row. You're really buying this? What is wrong with you?"
In North Carolina, Trump said, "If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is. I don't know." Meanwhile, his hands were saying, "Come on, somebody stop me. Really. Inciting violence against a political rival? That's what they do in third world nations. And, you're cheering? Isn't anybody gonna stop me?"
Scientists are divided on whether the hands are consciously relaying messages from Trump's brain, whether the messages they send are from Trump's unconscious or whether the hands have gone rogue and are speaking independent of his brain. Research continues.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1774H3EC-2C143-20K5-KKK1582614B711011]
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It's Not The Crime, It's The Coverup (Just Ask Trump's Toupee)
I would agree that the Prime Minister's vacation plans to visit the Aga Khan are nobody's business but his own. But, how dare the Prime Minister not tell us what we didn't have a right to know in the first place‽
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591076813
&call_pageid=964335278492&col=961156970294]
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With The Added Advantage Of Culling Several Other Candidates From The Herd - Talk About Win-Win!
After months of teasing, Kevin O'Leary (Donald Trump's younger, dumber, more Canadian brother) has announced that he will, in fact, be running for the leadership of the Conservative Party of Canada. The fact that the announcement came one day after the French language Conservative debate was a complete, utter, total, absolute, entire, sheer coincidence, we have no doubt.
Still. If the conservatives wanted to keep O'Leary out of the race, they could simply have themed each of the debates to a different weakness of his. For example, a humility debate would have kept him out of the race for at least another couple of weeks, while a household budgeting on minimum wage debate might have knocked him out of the race before he had even entered it.
It is dispiriting to consider how little imagination the Conservatives are bringing to this race.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20170119.eladvote0119_@/BNStory/newsOops2017/]
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The Policy Doesn't Wonk Far From The Tree
Over 65 Democratic lawmakers boycotted Donald Trump's inaugural festivities. I thought I would applaud them on missing the most boring event in Washington since President Taft read 50 pages of the phone book on a dare, but then I remembered who I was talking about. The Democrats were probably back at their offices in Congress reading the minutes of a Congressional Transportation Committee meeting from 1953. Some people get their pleasure from the weirdest things!
SOURCE: Jimmy Kippel - Live! (On Tape Delay)
[http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/jimmy-kippel-live-ish/blogs/monologue]
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Actually, He Thought It Was The Golden Girls Awards, And He Was Disappointed Betty White Wasn't There
Twelve people are dead and twenty-seven injured after Deadpool made an appearance at the Golden Globes awards ceremony. "What can I say?" the merc with a mouth said, "It's kind of what I do."
The motive for the carnage isn't clear. Was it a result of happiness at having been nominated for two Golden Globes, or unhappiness at not having won either of them?
"Oh, please," Deadpool batted the eyeflaps of his costume, "a boy's gotta have some secrets!"
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0178350/]
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We All Know What The Dog Whistle "Outer Cities" Really Means, Right?
On the conservative radio talk show Mourning in Murrica, Paul Ryan stated that white men are lazy and the cause of poverty in the country. He used this as a starting off point for an attack on social welfare programmes, unions, the minimum wage and, for some unknown reason, the television series This is Us.
"Facts don't lie," Ryan claimed. "The majority of social benefits given out by the federal government go to white crackers who sit around drinking beer and beating their wives. Obviously, Lyndon Johnson is to blame. So, if we eradicate all mention of Johnson from American history - by eliminating all of the programmes he championed - America will be great again."
Working class Americans, who supported Donald Trump and his agenda in droves, meekly asked, "Uhh, what just happened?"
SOURCE: Down to the Newswire
[http://www.downtothenewswire.pl/1/11/Artykul/200235,Ryan-causes-cryin]
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Of Course, The Statement Sounded Much Better In The Original French, Which Only Enraged The Original Complainants More
Complaints have been filed over the complaints that were filed against Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's behaviour at a town hall meeting in Sherbrooke, Quebec. Did he get drunk and proposition a bonhomme de neige? No. Did he light a cigar on a burning fleur de lys? No. Not on camera, in any case. Did he make side deals on health care funding with some provinces, undermining a national plan? Well, yes, okay, he did that, but not in Sherbrooke.
What did he do to cause the original complaint? Trudeau answered all questions in French, no matter which official language they were spoken in.
The complaint about the complaint stated that Anglophones are "pampered babies" who should "grow a thicker skin" and, in any case, "Now do you see what we've had to put up with all these years? Sacre merde, that's some ironic shit going on right there!"
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2017/01/18/509727.html]
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Mike Pence's belief in conversion therapy for gay people has finally paid off. The White House has converted its page on gay rights into blank space.
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/monologue-01-23-16]
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