Thank you, Ann R. Ack, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, in the middle of the night President-elect Donald Trump tweeted, "Teen Vogue totally jumped shark with criticism of me. Brainwashing children. My job. Beyond sad. Pathetic." You know there's something fundamentally wrong with your country when the most incisive political commentary in journalism comes from a magazine that regularly reports on such breaking news as "10 Totally Unexpected Ways to Wear Your Holiday Accessories!"
Enjoy,They Have A Life, They're Just Very, Very, Very, Very, Very Displeased By It
10 years ago: 94% stars in film and tv were white. Today: 93.5% #whiteextinction
10 years ago: 3% of the trolls on Internet were white. Today: 54% #whitethinskin #whitegetalife
SOURCE: Ending Trending
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/word-word/]
more
I'll Believe That When I See His Tax Returns
Donald Trump has announced that he will be winding down his charitable foundation to avoid any conflicts of interest. This is asking too much of the President-elect. I mean, now how will the billionaire be able to afford to buy portraits of himself?
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/monologue-12-12-16]
more
So Many Ways The Body (Politic) Can be Diseased
The Canadian Union of Public Employees is suing the Ontario government of Kathleen Wynne, claiming that the ruling Liberal Party used the proceeds of the partial sell-off of Hydro One to enrich itself.
This story caused much soul-searching on our part. We hate the Liberals. We hate unions. But, which do we hate more? It's like trying to choose between Bubonic Plague and the Black Death.
We're going to side with CUPE Death on this one, but Mark Hancock shouldn't be smug about it - as soon as we've gotten as much mileage against the Plague Premiere out of this as we can, we'll be back to attacking him!
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2016/12/22/509727.html]
more
Triumph Of The Won't
This is the difference between Republicans and Democrats:
REPUBLICANS: Henh henh - we're gonna destroy the last vestiges of the New Deal, and there ain't nothin' you can do to stop us, loooosers! Oh, yeah, baby! We're on fire for the destruction! Tonight, billionaires're gonna party like it's 1899!
DEMOCRATS: Do you think we're too politically correct to win? I don't knoooooowwww. I think, maybe, the problem is that we're too politically correct to win.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=899&dir=bb]
more
Like Why The US Appears To Suffer From Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease?
Have you ever seen the Statue of Liberty from above? It looks like somebody cut the top off Liberty's head, exposing the brain matter underneath her tiara! Come to think of it, that would explain a lot...
SOURCE: Jimmy Kippel - Live! (On Tape Delay)
[http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/jimmy-kippel-live-ish/blogs/monologue]
more
I Would Watch That Jesus Fellow If I Was You, Centurion - He Looks Like Trouble!
1 nation under god - my god, you heathen bastards!) Which contributor to The Daily Stormer, a white supremacosy publication, wrote: "This is the Jews for you, people. They are a vicious, evil race of hate-filled psychopaths."?SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more
Nobody Should Ever Want To Start A War Because Of Saturday Night Fever
Battlefield Earth, On The Other Hand...
So, the front page of all of the newspapers on the stand today had a photo of a man in Turkey who had just shot the Russian ambassador. The man's legs were spread, and his left arm was pointed straight up in the air.
And, I thought, Is that...John Travolta? Is that crazy Scientology bastard trying to start World War III by instigating an incident between Russia and a NATO country?
It wasn't, of course. It was just some garden variety lunatic channeling John Travolta. But, now I can't get the song "Stayin' Alive" out of my head!
SOURCE: Jennifer's Brain Blorts
[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
more
The Same Sort Who Could See Starvation Coming And Still Not Be Able To Afford Food Once The Rent Had Been Paid?
President-elect Donald Trump has finally announced his plan to boost employment in the United States: a nuclear arms race. Not only would Americans be put back to work in arms factories, but after the inevitable nuclear war broke out, medical industry stocks would shoot through the roof!
Of course, there is the pesky problem of the Republican's plan to abolish the Affordable Care Act, which would once again put health care out of the reach of many lower income citizens. "One way to achieve full employment would be to kill off the lazy moochers who contributed nothing to the economy," Trump pointed out. "I mean, what kind of loser would see nuclear war coming and not buy a lead-lined bunker for their back yard?"
SOURCE: Down to the Newswire
[http://www.downtothenewswire.pl/1/11/Artykul/200235,chump-Trump]
more
Oh, Please! It's Not Like Alberta Is Asking You To Put A Ring On The Land's Finger!
Koch Industries has shelved plans for an $800 million oil sands development, blaming economic uncertainty and Alberta's climate policies. Of course, the province's climate policies are a large factor in the economic uncertainties of which the Kochs speak, so...that.
"Alberta will no longer allow me to rape the land," Charles Koch commented. "They will only, if I ask nicely, allow me to toy with the land's affections. Toy with the land's affections! Where's the fun in that?"
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=447]
more
The Play Was Actually Cancelled Because There Wasn't Enough Time To Produce It, But, You Know, Facts...
A Jewish family has moved out of their Pennsylvania home after being blamed for the cancellation of a grade five production of A Christmas Carol.
"Oy, the foolishness," said the father of the family, who asked not to be identified for fear. "Honestly, if we had the power to shut down artistic production, do you think we would have ever given the green light to Passengers?"
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2016/2016/12/23/bahhumberthumbert/]
more