Thank you, Hal Havarti, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we started an office pool on the subject of when the number of racist attacks in the aftermath of the election of Donald Trump would reach 1,000. Unfortunately, it reached 1,000 before we were able to get more than three people involved in the pool. So we increased the number to 5,000. Bets in the pool range from January 20 to the day after tomorrow. We suggested a side wager on how many of those attacks would actually be prosecuted, but most people in the office passed on it as a sucker's bet.
Enjoy,Chief Strategist Steve Bannon Said, "We Just Gave Him That Thing To Shut Him Up. Who Knew IT WOULD ACTUALLY WORK?"
In response to criticism of his position that people who burn the American flag should lose their citizenship, Donald Trump took out a thin piece of wood with a plastic star taped to the end and said, "I can do that. I can strip a person's citizenship. See? I have the Magic Citizenship Wand. I flick it at you once, and you're no longer an American. See ya later. Buh bye. Don't let the border hit yer ass on the way out!"
"But...that's just a thin piece of wood with a plastic star taped to the end!" CNN correspondent Michelle Kosinski, who had been in the middle of asking a question about a previous evening's tweet where Trump would not rule out using nuclear weapons against California, objected.
In response, Trump waved the Magic Citizenship Wand at Kosinski. Once. Moments later, a secret service agent walked up to her and dourly sprinkled glitter on her head. Moments after that, two other secret service agents escorted her out of the building. Kosinski was last seen arguing with an attache at the American Embassy in Uruguay.
"Any other questions?" Trump smirked as he fondled his thin piece of wood with a plastic star taped to the end in a plausibly deniable suggestive way.
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2016Dec02.html]
more
In For A Pence, In For A Pound (Of Flesh)
Did you know that the State of Indiana has given Carrier $7 million to keep some of its manufacturing jobs in the state? Or, that the governor of the state, Mike Pence, is also Donald Trump's Vice President? Quite the coincidence, that. When the Obama administration bailed out the auto industry, Republicans called the move a sleazy bribe. When Republicans bail out a furnace and air conditioning company, they call it a job-saving win for the President-elect.
In politics, perception is everything. And, perception is managed by spin.
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=576&dir=bb]
more
What's Gravy For The Goose Is Gravy For The Gander
On Monday, the Crown attorney prosecuting them alleged Energy Minister Glenn Thibeault "sought certain benefits" to run for the Liberals in that byelection. A testy Brown complained Tuesday about an "unfair" story in the Star revealing Garfield Dunlop received compensation after stepping down in Simcoe North so the new PC leader could run in a byelection last year.
In the name of good government, Thibeault must step down until this matter's decided by the courts. "Now we have the revelation that he knowingly misled members of the media and therefore the public on whether or not Garfield Dunlop was being paid," Matthews said.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
more
Obama Slaps Forehead And Thinks, If Only I Had Thought Of Criminalizing Dissent, I Wouldn't Have Had To Deal With All Those Images Of Myself As A Monkey! Oh, Well. Live And Learn...
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/title-title/]
more
Have You Factored Brexit Into That, Mister Bank?
The Bank of England is looking into alternative designs for its five pound note that will not require the use of tallow - rendered animal fat to you - after complaints from vegetarians led to a petition condemning the practice that has been signed by more than 100,000 people.
"It's ridiculous," the Bank said in a statement. "The economy isn't so bad that people will have to eat their money, so what's the problem?"
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413397231118404,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
more
Lou Costello Responded, "Some Things Just Can't Be Made Fun Of. IIIIIIIIII Got Nuttin'..."
Texas has approved rules that require health-care facilities that perform abortions to bury the resulting fetuses.
Governor Greg Abbott stated, "Nothing shows our respect for life more than humiliating women who have just had to make one of the hardest decisions of theirs."
SOURCE: Womyn's e-Vents
[http://www.womynsevents.fem/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1229]
more
Have You Ever Noticed That "Reverse Racism" Actually Is The Reverse Of Racism?
A white woman had an emotional meltdown in a grocery store when the black man behind the counter asked her to pay five cents for a plastic bag. "How dare you!" she demanded in a cellphone video that went mucal on Farcebook. "How! Dare! You! I voted for Trump! He promised we wouldn't have to pay the price for other people's concern about the environment! Do you not remember Kent State? A-ti-ca! A-ti-ca! I have a dream...!"
The man behind the counter stayed calm and asked the woman for her WHIG (White Heterosexual Identifier, and Girl) Card. "This is outrageous!" the woman shouted. "I left my WHIG Card at home when I changed purses! Seriously, you're going to card me - a white woman? - for a five cent plastic bag?" When the man behind the counter insisted that he could not give the woman her privileges if she could not show him proper ID, she stormed out of the store without her groceries.
"This is why you should carry your WHIM (White Heterosexual Identifier, and Male) and WHIG (White Heterosexual Identifier, and Girl) Cards on you at all times," stated Donald Trump's Chief of Racist Strategies Steve Bannon. "Every able-bodied, heterosexual white person wants to get the maximum benefit out of their privilege, but you just never know when somebody in the service sector will get uppity and challenge you!"
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=36952640654641377582fx]
more
