Thank you, Cordelia Delio, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we wanted to start an office pool based on the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States of America, but we couldn't agree on the question. Some of us wanted the pool to be: "How high is the wall going to be?" Others wanted: "How low is the stock market going to go?"
Eventually, we compromised on the question: "How long will it be before Donald Trump gets bored with being president and fires America?"
Enjoy,There May Have Been Some Good Acting And Stuff, Too...
The Almeida Theatre production of Shakespeare's Richard III starring Ralph Fiennes was a fascinating experience in a new film format called 4DX. When the monstrous king was declaiming speechily, the seats would ominously rumble, as if his very words were causing the earth to tremble. And the seats in the theatre shook so violently during the climactic battle scene that it was almost like you were watching it from your own horse galloping through the battle.
Almost.
The problem was that the movement of the seats never quite synched up with the action on the screen. I just chalk that up to the fact that the 4DX theatre was actually directly below us and, so, hadn't been designed for what we were watching. Still. Can you imagine how excitedly students would flock to Shakespeare if it was produced for 4DX?
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0478576/]
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Doucehenozzle (Noun): A Person Who Engages In The Act Of Douchenozzletry
Douchenozzletry (noun): the act of being a douchenozzle. ETYMOLOGY: Douche (a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes) + nozzle (a projecting spout, terminal discharging pipe, or the like, as of a hose or bellows) + try (there is no try, only do). EXAMPLE: Now that Donald Trump has been elected president, he has given asshats licence to engage in all manner of violent douchenozzletry! EARLIEST KNOWN CITATION: "Fie! A pox on thee and all thine accurs'd lily-liver'd douchenozzletry!" (Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Sale, Act 3, Scene 1)
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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If Any Good Is To Be Found In The Election, It Is That We Now Have A Meme To Describe Modern Right Wing Politicians
"Drain the swamp! Drain the swamp!" was one of the common chants at Donald Trump rallies, right up there with "Jail her!" and "Hey! - That's my beer! Hand it over and I won't have to take The Terminator out of his holster!" Drain the swamp. As if.
Trump's own swamp contains toads like Chris Christie and Rudy Giuliani, snakes like Newt Gingrich and David Duke, mosquitoes like Ben Carson and grizzlies far from their native habitat like Sarah Palin. Is this one of those Nixonian, "we had to drain the swamp to save the swamp" kind of moments? Because, honestly, if Trump's intention is to turn Washington into a quagmire of his own creation, we may soon learn if swamps can go bankrupt.
But, that's not even the crazy thing. No, my friends, the crazy thing is that at some point Trump's followers are going to realize that they were promised a shining city on the hill and given a new and improved swamp. Trump's pre-angrified followers. Trump's heavily armed, pre-angrified followers.
If you don't think there are going to be consequences, you must be have collected a lot of frequent flyer points travelling to the Bag of Crazy!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Because The First Place I Would Attack If I Was A Terrorist Was An Opera House Where Nixon In China Had Been Performed
A performance of Rossini's Guillaume Tell at New York's Metropolitan Opera was halted when a man was discovered sprinkling a powdery substance into the orchestra pit during the second intermission. The man was spreading the ashes of a friend who had died of cancer; his last wish was for his ashes to be spread at a variety of different opera houses.
General Manager Peter Gelb announced that he would immediately commission Phillip Glass to write an opera about the incident. "Is that meta?" Gelb commented. "Then, meta we will be. This is the new Met, baby - we'll try anything!"
SOURCE: Art Splorts
[http://www.artsplorts.com/diary/id=9367]
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#sosmug Immediately Became A Trending Topic On Twitter
President Donald Trump's second act after he took office was to order the carpet bombing of Canada.
"They thought they were better than us because they didn't elect me as their President," Trump explained. "So smug. So smug."
Canada put up no resistance. "He has a bit of a point," Prime Minister Justin Trudeau allowed before he disappeared in a major explosion that left most of Ottawa a crater.
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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Choosing To Take A Big Bite Out Of The Illegal Side Left A Bad Taste In Many People's Mouths
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/oh-comey-on-newt/]
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Make Canada Prate Again
Canadian politics has gotten weird.
"Immigrants are rapists and socialists," said Quebec MP Steven Blaney as he threw his hat into the race to replace Stephen Harper as Conservative Party leader. "Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad - ptui, ptui, ugh!"
"Justin Trudeau is a nasty, nasty man," said Conservative Andre Marin, a candidate for Ontario MPP. "I call him Crooked Justin. Such a nasty man."
"The press is against us," said Conservative Party leader Kellie Leitch. "So unfair! They misquote what I say even when they use my exact words! Lying media!"
Where do they get this stuff?
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2016/ALLPOLITICS/11/12/reps.main/index.html]
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John Greyson Insists Dancing Anuses Are Still Relevant
New research into the spread of HIV suggests that Gaetan Dugas, who was believed to have been the first human to transmit the virus that can lead to AIDS to other, and had been dubbed "Patient Zero," was not, in fact, the first person to spread AIDS.
Only time will tell if the New Patient Zero will prove as popular with the press and homophobes as the original formula.
SOURCE: Yellow Triangle Blues
[http://ytb.gay/October_2016/zero.htm]
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I Never Do - My Career As A Satirist Depends On It!
SOURCE: T-dot ts
[http://t-dotts/store/new]
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