Thank you, Ming-Hua Plopp, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we squeed over the fact that the word "squee" is now recognized in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then, we hmmed. Then, we idunnoed. Half the fun of using a word like squee is that frisson of illicitness that comes from it's not being recognized (the other half comes from the incomprehension of squares who have never heard it). From now on, in situations when we would have squeed, we're now going to alackabop. With any luck, this word won't be recognized by a dictionary or lexicographical society for decades!
Enjoy,Corporation Not Ready For Optimus Prime Time
A report on Canada Post says it needs "transformational change" to become financially viable again. But, while I think that turning its fleet of vans into Transformers will make navigating Canada's streets much more exciting, I don't see how it will improve the ability of the corporation to better carry out its core mission.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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He Started To Say That Moderators Shouldn't Breath Air Available To Candidates, Then Stopped Himself From Going Too Far (Or, Possibly, Just Saved The Observation For A Slow News Day)
Donald Trump has come under criticism for suggesting that debate moderators should not be fact checkers. But, that's the least of it.
In the same interview on Fox and Fiends, Trump said that debate moderators should not use words that contain more than two sylla - somethings. "Using big words to look smart should be left to the candid...umm...the...the - oh, you know, us!" he argued.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2016-09-24-wtc-lawsuit_x.htm]
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It Will Go Down In History As The Leadership Vote That Launched A Thousand Medical Journal Articles
Three quarters of the Labour Party were admitted to hospital last night with heart attacks, brain aneurysms and other catastrophic health meltdowns. The cause? Jeremy Corbyn being reelected as leader.
"Good. Perhaps now we can finally get down to work and accomplish something!" Corbyn commented, rubbing his hands with undisguised glee.
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/nation/2016/sep/25/labour-gets-leader-from-remainder-corbyn]
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Ohio Trump Campaign Decides It's Not Miller Time After All
As (former) Ohio chair of the Donald Trump campaign Kathy Miller reminds us, the delusionverse of Republicans shares many elements from the world, but situates them at a 90 degree angle that makes them almost unrecognizable to the reality-based community.
In Miller's version of reality, Martin Luther King was killed with kindness, and Malcom X died of an extreme attack of menin-joy-tis. There were no riots in the streets, just dance parties that may have gotten a little out of hand - those crazy kids. Jim Crow was just the name of an alcoholic beverage (she may have been conflating Jim Beam and Old Crow).
If Miller's youth was a time of such racial harmony, how does she explain current racial tensions? "I don't think there was any racism until Obama got elected. We never had problems like this... Now, with the people with the guns, and shooting up neighborhoods, and not being responsible citizens, that's a big change, and I think that's the philosophy that Obama has perpetuated on America." Obviously, colours didn't exist until Obama established the national Department of Gang Warfare.
How was "hope and change" replaced by "hype and derange?"
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Mind The GAAP: If You Reincluded All Of Those Disincluded Expenses, The Company Would Have Actually Had A Profit Of $237.27
"MultiNatCorp made an operating profit of $127,342,066 in the 2015 fiscal year." * ** *** **** *****
* Figure adjusted to disinclude restructuring costs.
** Figure adjusted to disinclude stock payouts to senior executives.
*** Figure adjusted to disinclude writing off the acquisition costs of Things & Stuff, which had to be closed down, and Stuff & Nother Stuff, whose operations had ceased pending an SEC investigation.
**** Figure adjusted to disinclude writedowns of overvalued royalty agreements.
***** Figure adjusted to disinclude asset impairment, largely from reports in the business press of the company using unorthodox accounting methods to make its bottom line look better
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=569&dir=bb]
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Aren't You Supposed To Be A Liberal Newspaper?
The first Trump-Clinton debate took place last night, and we would have to consider it a draw.
Trump had a strong pulse throughout, and his breathing was regular. Clinton, on the other hand, showed a strong understanding of the writings of the Founding Fathers which allowed her to articulate the intent behind the Bill of Rights.
Not that it was smooth sailing for either candidate. There were gasps from the audience when Trump said that, if elected, he would have his head removed and placed on the body of a Terminator so that he could personally patrol the wall on the Mexican border - we all know how that movie turns out! Clinton, in the meantime, stumbled on the specific tactics General Grant used to win the Battle of Appomattox.
The two candidates were clearly evenly matched.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2016Sep27.html]
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Just Get The Key, Li, And Set Everybody Free
Defending his push to have an extradition treaty included with any trade deal his country makes with Canada, Premier Li Keqiang stated unequivocally that China did not torture suspects or use the criminal justice system to punish political dissidents.
"And," he added, "anybody who says otherwise is going to find themselves in a dark cell for a very long time!"
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0ecda-b6e6-4c18-bf9b-07b657n]
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In Fact, Many Are Raising Steins And Tankards To The Environmental Disaster
A pipeline in Bruges carrying beer from a brewery to a bottling plant has burst, spewing 3.780 litres of the beverage every hour. Oddly enough, most residents of the affected area are not complaining.
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=445]
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Add A Lawyer Or Two And You Won't Even Be Able To Count The Number Of Nos You'll Need
Donald Trump is being investigated for using funds from his charitable foundation to pay for personal expenses and corporate liabilities, a serious no no (add anywhere from three to seven additional nos depending upon which tax lawyer you talk to). How have his supporters responded to this?
"That's just the kind of out-of-the-box-down-the-street-catching-a-train-to-the-suburbs-in-time-for-the-pastor's-sermon thinking that this country needs to get us out of our economic malaise."
"Nobody's perfect, but as long as he keeps those [LONG RACIAL EPITHET DELETED] out of the country, he'll be perfect enough for me!"
"It's Obama's fault."
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1156746000278760.xml]
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