Thank you, wren steeampea, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, pants.
Enjoy,Former Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson couldn't wait to share his joy at the news that a black woman will be featured on American currency. I'm not sure how the concept of debt slavery is relevant when Alexander Hamilton, whom Tubman is displacing from the front of the $20 bill, was an owner of, you know actual human slaves. Still, it's good to know that a black Republican can be just as deserving of a chateau in the Bag of Crazy as a white one - that's an advance in racial equality, I guess.
If he is so down on the American currency, what form of exchange does Carson use in his day-to-day transactions? Do Carson's medical patients pay him in chickens? When he rented rooms for rallies for his failed Presidential bid, did he pay the facility owners in gold doubloons? When he goes to the corner store, does he pay for his packet of smokes with a wink, a nod and some good old-fashioned Republican obstructionism?
It's like a random word generator went off in Carson's head when he heard the news, and he thought: How can I connect this to slavery to make Obama look bad. Hmm...catapult slavery? No. Purple slavery? Nice colour, but no. Slavish slavery? It has a ring to it, but no. Blue suede shoe slavery? No. The King would have hated Obama with me, but no. Six hours and several thousand words later, he would have finally thought, ...ance scam slavery? Closer, but no. Debt slavery? No - no, wait. I think I've got it! By George, I think I've got it!
What is it about President Obama that has Republicans froth at the mouth at everything he does? Doctor Pavlov, can you make a house call in the Bag of Crazy?
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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If A Student Asks About Gay Anal Sex, Respond By Faking A Heart Attack To Clear The Room
The Roman Catholic church has issued a companion document to Ontario's new guidelines on sex education in elementary schools. The document includes the following advice:
If a student asks about oral sex, respond with: "If you think about that any more, you'll go to Hell!"
If a student asks about anal sex, respond with: "If you think about that any more, you'll go to Hell!"
If a student asks about gay sex, respond with: "If you think about that any more, you'll go to Hell! Twice!"
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=395682]
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While My Car Gently Weeps (Pollutants)
A fuel-economy cheating scandal that began with a single line of microcars now encompasses the entire domestic lineup of Mitsubishi Motors...after the carmaker admitted it had published exaggerated mileage ratings for every model it sells in Japan. Volkswagen's board of directors has recommended shareholders formally approve the work of the company's top management team for last year, despite the scandal over cars rigged to cheat on diesel emission tests.
Chairman Osamu Masuko said he and other top executives had been unaware of the cheating, a position the company's leaders have maintained since the scandal emerged. Despite the costs of the scandal so far, ratings agency moody's Investors Service said that better-than-expected vehicle sales have allowed the company to contain the market impact of the scandal.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Bern, Baby, Bern
Correct The Record (CTR), which is operated by Clinton attack dog David Brock, spent $1 million to launch an initiative to hire online trolls to "correct" Bernie Sanders' supporters on social media. How do you know if you have encountered a CTR operative online?
1. They have mildly personalized a common message.
@janesweety Bernie, do the math!
@marvinwondrous Bernie, be a polymath!
@rhododendronlover127 Bernie, talk to Zack Braff!
2. They spread unsubstantiated rumours about Sanders or his supporters.
@irreleventia I heard from a friend that she was talking to one of her friends who was told by a close friend of a friend of his... 1/3
@irreleventia ...that he knew a guy who knew a woman who had been told by her friend of a friend of his who knew two guys who... 2/3
@irreleventia ...were planning on storming Hillary on stage and showering her with Benghazi transcript confetti. #whatasoreloser 3/3
3. They turn everything into an anti-Sanders talking point.
@ARNSProprietor Looks like hail. In May! The weather is crazy!
@WayneHed .@ARNSProprietor I'll tell you what's crazy: Bern staying in the race! He's lost! Get over it! #ImWithHer
@ARNSProprietor .@WayneHed Umm, that doesn't have anything to do with the weather I'm looking at outside my window.
@WayneHed .@ARNSProprietor You know what doesn't have anything to do with your weather? Bern's chances of victory! #DropOutLooser
@ARNSProprietor .@WayneHed Why can't you stay on the topic (hail - remember?)? Do you have an ulterior motive?
@WayneHed .@ARNSProprietor You, like Bern, is as full of crap as a Thanksgiving dinner. The topic IS Bern dropping out!
If you encounter a CTR troll, do not engage! It only makes them feel like they're earning their money.
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/berns-an-alien/]
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He Was Using The Word "Ferkachta" In Its Most Catholic Sense...
Premier Kathleen Wynne has asserted that the Ontario government's practice of having wealthy donors pay up to $10,000 to attend dinners and cocktail receptions with herself and various members of cabinet did not in any way influence its policies. Never. Not once. No way.
"What?" screeched an attendee at one of the events, who asked not to be named because he doesn't have a death wish. "Never, not once, no way? Why did I buy a table at one of these ferkachta events? Out of the goodness of my heart? Do you think I got where I did in business by having a good heart?"
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2016/05/07/509727.html]
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As Second Amendment Defender Barbie Truly Said, "Gun Violence Math Is Hard!"
George Zimmerman has tried to sell the gun that he used to kill Trayvon Martin. However, his auction was pulled off the Toys 'R' Up for Bid Web site.
"I just wanted some freedom-loving four year-old to be able to defend themselves when Hillary Clinton comes for their guns," Zimmerman said. "Right now, they have to find a gun hidden in a liquor cabinet or falling out of a purse. How are babies supposed to defend our precious freedoms with such an uncertain supply of weapons?"
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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