The Daily Me - Eden Langlands

Thank you, Eden Langlands, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we thought, If your conscience allows you to be a bigoted asshole, maybe you shouldn't be so free with it.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

The More Things Change, The More They Stay Dead

It has been three years since the Rana Plaza disaster, where a Bangladeshi garment factory collapsed, killing 1,100 workers. In this installment of >b>Where Are They Now? we look at some of the people who were involved in the collapse.

Folana Singh, STILL DEAD
Thulu Roy, STILL DEAD
Rana Baghiri, STILL DEAD
Satyajit Arunder, STILL MISSING, PRESUMED DEAD
Angie Ayala, STILL DEAD
Roman Chowdhury, STILL DEAD
Matalan founder John Hargreaves, STILL IN CHARGE
Indira Gongopadhyay, STILL DEAD

SOURCE: Down to the Newswire

[http://www.downtothenewswire.pl/1/11/Artykul/227531,Rana-lama-ding-dong]
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I'd Say The Law Is A Ass, But I Wouldn't Want To Give City Hall Any Ideas About School Food Programmes...

Three officials in Flint, Michigan have been charged with official misconduct, evidence-tampering and other offences related to the contamination of the city's water supply with lead over a period of 18 months. The three are: the janitor at City Hall; the secretary of the third assistant to the deputy-Mayor; and a high school temp whose main job was to get coffee for councillors during meetings.

"This was a horrible crime that literally poisoned an entire community," said State Attorney-General Bill Schuette, "and I will not rest until all of those who were responsible have been prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!"

SOURCE: Disassociated Press

[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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I Wonder How Many Minefields The Conservatives Left For The Incoming Liberals...

The Supreme Court of Canada has rejected the Liberal government's appeal of a ruling that allowed the Catholic Church to walk away from a commitment to make their "best effort" to raise $25 million for healing and reconciliation with natives over the church's policy of residential schools.

"This was an outrageous waste of over 2 million taxpayer dollars," said outgoing NDP leader Thomas Mulcair. "The Liberals should have known that they could not have won this battle and cut their losses by abandoning the appeal!"

The Conservative Party, which was in power when the mistake that allowed the Catholic Church to evade its responsibilities was made, was strangely silent.

SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service

[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32892029314644764687fx]
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Because Musicians Are Always Perform Their Best When They've Got A Legal Shotgun To Their Head

ACTION ALERT! ACTION ALERT! ACTION ALERT! ACTION ALERT! ACTION ALERT!

Wednesday, March 23, 2016 was the day the music died in North Carolina. Oh, sure, we all though it was merely the day the state legislature passed a law, immediately signed by Governor Pat McCrory, forcing transgender people to go to bathrooms based on the sex listed on their birth certificates and barring municipalities in the state from enacting pro-LGBT laws. But, the real effect was that the only musical acts now willing to perform in North Carolina are Ted Nugent and Wayne Newton.

Ted Nugent and Wayne Newton! Imagine Ted Nugent and Wayne Newton playing the Time Warner Cable Arena every night FOREVER! Don't get me wrong - I'm a big fan of one of them. Still, EVERY NIGHT FOREVER? That would test even the most loyal fan's loyalty!

Something has to be done. Not change the law, obviously - it's important that we spare our wimmenfolk any knowledge of the complexities of human gender identity. No, we need to petition North Carolina's government for another law making it illegal for a musical act to cancel a performance in the state for political reasons. Yeah, and make it retroactive to March 22, 2016 while you're at it.

That'll teach somebody something!

SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders

[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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Satire Isn't Dead - Trump Built A Wall To Keep It Out Of The Country

The Boston Globe published a front page imagining what the United States would be like if Donald Trump became President. The satire featured headlines like: "Markets sink as trade war looms" and "DEPORTATIONS TO BEGIN."

Trump's response? "It would be a good start. Do I really have to wait another six months to make it happen?"

SOURCE: Weekends!

[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227548]
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...And, Oh, Look, Here Comes Another One Now!

The cancellation of the sale of light armoured vehicles to Saudi Arabia continues to have repercussions for the Liberal government. Last month, almost 3,000 General Dynamics Land Systems Canada workers were laid off. Now, the Saudi government is suing the Canadian government for breach of contract.

"If Canada loses this lawsuit, it will be an outrageous waste of over 2 billion taxpayer dollars," said outgoing NDP leader Thomas Mulcair. "The lawsuit, the job losses - the Liberals should have foreseen these consequences, bit the bullet and allowed the contract to stand!"

The Conservative Party, which negotiated and signed the deal with the Saudis, was strangely, eerily silent.

SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service

[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32892029314644764694fx]
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Then, Republicans Complain President Not Sufficiently Supportive Of Israel

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has stated that his country will never withdraw from Manhattan's Washington Heights. At a ceremonial cabinet meeting at Yeshiva University, Netanyahu said, "I chose to have this festive cabinet meeting at Yeshiva U. to send a clear message: Washington Heights will forever remain in Israeli hands."

With a pained expression on his face, President Barack Obama replied, "That's a...umm...interesting position for the Prime Minister to take. I don't...err...don't believe it is helpful to the...umm - you know, peace process. But...but...but let's see what the - you know what? A year from now, I'm not going to miss this [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!"

SOURCE: The Arad Post

[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1038229594755]
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She's No Angela Of Mercy

The State Has No Business in the Comedy Clubs of the Nation

Anybody exercising the god given right to be a jerk'll
Have to contend with the German Chancellor Angela Merkel.
For any citizen who wants to express the most offensive thing they can say,
Be aware that she will slap you with a charge of lèse-majesté.

There is no reason for Turkey's President Erdogan to gloat
That he'll be exonerated of the charge of having sex with a goat.
This matter would likely have been most quickly forgotten
If he hadn't insisted on exercising his right, however misbegotten.

No credit should go to "poet" Jan Boehmermann,
Who must think of himself as a Germanic David Letterman.
His attempt at humour should not merit time in a penitentiary,
Even if jokes about sex with farm animals is sooooooo so thirteenth century!

Hard as it may seem, a poem that elicits a response of "pee-eww!"
May derail a refugee deal between Turkey and the EU.
Unfortunately, when it comes to satire's sins
Nobody ever wins.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/706.html]
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