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Enjoy,Still? After All These Years?
ANNOUNCER: Can you trust Donald Trump to bring the crazy?
INT. TRUMP RALLY - DAY
Slow motion close-up of DONALD TRUMP speechifying at a rally. He looks like a fish out of water gasping for air. A neon orange fish with a really bad hairpiece.
ANNOUNCER: (over) First, he said that he wouldn't mind a nuclear-powered Japan and South Korea if it meant that they could defend themselves against North Korea without American help. Crazy, right? Nuclear proliferation and stuff? Well, he almost immediately walked the crazy back, saying that he didn't want Japan and South Korea to get nukes, but they probably would, anyway. Then, there was the whole women who have illegal abortions should be punished debacle. Trump's original position was vintage crazy. Then, even more immediatelier, he said that abortion should be legal. Unless it shouldn't. Oh, sure, The Donald talks a good game. But, in the end, just how committed to the crazy is he? Really?
EXT. CRUZ EVENT - DAY
TED CRUZ is eating a hot dog at a gun show. His grin makes him look like a demented ventriloquist's dummy, but, hey, it's the most appealing video of him that we've got.
ANNOUNCER: (over) The choice in the Republican primaries is clear. Ted Cruz. Crazy then. Crazy now. Crazy forever.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1061852624]
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Be Thankful We Didn't Mention The Thousand And One Ron-Rons, Or We Would Have Been Here For Days!
British comedy legend Ronnie Corbett has died at the age of 85. Although he had performed in many things in his long career, including The Frost Report and the sitcom Sorry!, he will be remembered for starring in The Two Ronnies with Ronnie Barker. This show ushered in the era of Ronnies humour in British television, exemplified by The Four Rons (O'Hara, Geltner, Strong and Weakes) and The Seventeen Ronalds (Frickert, Bickert, Sloane, Tamales, Zhen Hua, Tikitarian, Ronnison, McCloud-Atlas, Rickenbacher, Cocteau, Rhianna, Oilpan, Smith, Smythe, Smoothe, Barabajagel and Gambolputty of Ulm).
Fortunately, despite being intense, the era of Ronnie humour was brief.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Things Look Different When The Shoe Is On The Other Dead Foot
The City of Toronto paid $18,676 for the body of a recently deceased Councillor to lie in repose at city hall for over two days so that fans of the politician could pay their last -
"Really? $18,676? Just to have a dead politician lie around where people can see him?" former mayor Rob Ford interrupted the article. "You know how hard working men and women in this city have to work to make that kind of money?! Many of them don't see that in a year, and you spent it on...on...on that? This is the worst example of the gravy train running off the rails that I've seen in years!"
But, it was for -
"I don't care who it was for! Spending that much money to glorify the memory of a dead politician when there is so much wrong with the city that needs to be fixed is just plain wrong! The whole point of my getting elected Mayor was to stop this kind of personal excess! Why, when I was Mayor -"
The visitation opportunity was for you, Rob Ford.
"Who. Wha - me? That was for me? Oh, well, ha ha, that's very flattering. I can't believe anybody would go to that trouble. Very nice. Very nice. But - ahem. Wrong. Very nice, but, uhh, very wrong..."
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=528083]
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In The Long Run, We're All Consigned To The Deleted Album Bin
Rolling Stone Mick Jagger has said that while Britain's proposed exit from the European Union wouldn't affect him all that much and there were short-term risks to it, in the long-term it could be beneficial for the country. Like, the 20 year long-term.
But, what does he know?
Jagger, you will recall, advised the British government to join President George W. Bush's Coalition of the Shilling against Iraq, claiming that the war would be over in a week and that it would pay for itself through oil revenues. This was not the first time Jagger had offered poor political advice, either: he told Edward III that a war with France would last "two, maybe three months. A year, tops." One hundred years later, the Battle of Castillon finally brought the conflict to an end.
We should keep this history of bad judgment in mind when we consider Jagger's position on current politics.
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/nation/2016/Apr/01/jagger-swagger]
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Work In An Octagon So You'll Have A Lot Of Corners To Send People To In Order To Reflect On Their Bad Behaviour
Environment Minister Catherine McKenna understands that the oil patch is hurting because of low prices, and that many Canadians, especially in the west, will oppose the Liberal government's carbon pricing policy for dealing with climate change. "There will be hard conversations," McKenna said, offering the hope that they would be "tantrum-free."
I have a lot of respect for women who attain positions of political power, but, honestly Minister, are you on crack?
I mean, have you ever attended Question Period? There's a reason political columnists call it "nap time in kindergarten!" The mud flows so thick all of Ottawa needs a shower when it's done. Throw provincial premiers into the mix and you have a Judd Apatow film with a budget he could only dream of!
If I were you, I'd get a bib and prepare for some spankings.
SOURCE: Are You On Crack?
[http://www.finstermaninternational/~johnny/home]
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It's A Muslin Revolution That Nobody Wants
Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant signed a law which would allow people with religious objections not to serve anybody who was wearing clothes made of two or more distinct fabrics. "It's in the Bible!" said Church of Jesus Christ the Bigot Pastor Adrian Chokoblovk. "Look it up if you don't believe me! Now, I know that people who mix fabrics are going to hell, but my parishioners want them to have a more...immediate punishment. And, what could be more immediate than not being served a raspberry smoothie at the local Salty 'N' Smooth dining establishment?"
"We oppose this law with every fibre of our being!" declared Jennifer Riley-Collins, executive director of the American Civil Liberties Union of Mississippi. "Not only is it blatantly clothist, but it will lead to increasingly ugly fashions on our city streets!"
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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