The Daily Me - Zara Zenobia

Thank you, Zara Zenobia, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, our dental hygienist told us that were flossing wrong, that we should use the third digits of our fingers instead of the second. Who knew? She called the process: "Giving plaque the middle finger."

We considered all manner of more worthy targets for our middle fingers while she was scaling our lower teeth - so many prospects, so few middle fingers. Who would have imagined oral hygiene could be so much fun?!

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Once You've Lost The Icingists, You've Lost Britain

David Cameron is losing the cupcake war.

Proponents of England leaving the European Union are distributing cupcakes with an image of a girl standing in front of a lemony background; she is holding a trident in one hand and a shield with the British flag on it in the other. What does Prime Minister Cameron have? A cupcake featuring 27 reasons for the country to stay in the EU in print so small you'd need micron telescopes for eyes to read it, text which makes the dessert look an unappetizing shade of grey.

"I hate to admit it," Cameron said, "but a majority of our citizens may find our pro-European argument hard to swallow..."

SOURCE: Daily Semaphore

[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!6qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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Can His Film Have A Second Life After Being Crucified By Critics?

Box Office From Heaven is Real!
Directed by Marv Schripkin
Written by Egbert Edgerton and Rolly Walloo, with Smithson Rykerd, and Richard Rickard, from an idea by Egbert Edgerton, Richard Rickard and Marv Schripkin
Starring Alison Woodworker, Phillip Bruntner and other actors you've never heard of and probably never will hear from again

While working on the script for his latest anti-American anti-God soft core porn film masquerading as a romantic comedy, writer-producer Billy Pilgrim has an epiphany: films that cater to the market of practicing Christians cost next to nothing to make but bring in millions of dollars in revenue. He immediately converts his production company to a religious charity and begins production on Quo Vadis? II: The Vadising, an uplifting modern day story about an atheist Jew filmmaker who has an epiphany that films that cater to the market of practicing Christians cost next to nothing to make but...

Can Billy get his film made despite resistance from the film Establishment? With help from You Know Who, he just might!

SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database

[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0278471/]
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At Least The Republicans Have A Choice...

February 23, 2016 in Las Vegas:

I would hate to be a Republican primary voter this year...

SOURCE: Politics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=871&dir=bb]
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Wait! Is He...Allowed To Say That?
This Kind Of Extremism Could Give Politicians Everywhere A Bad Reputation!

"It's easy to stoke anger or it's easy to feel angry, if you're worried about your next paycheque...your kids are not going to have the kind of future that you would want for them. And, always it's easier to point blame and to say, 'Oh, it's this person's fault or that group's fault.' We get into this sort of closed-in, protectionist, closed-minded approach when things get difficult. I think one of the responsibilities of leadership is to draw people out of that." - Justin Trudeau responds to a question about American anger towards Muslims

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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You Can Tell A Headline From A Deadline From Bed Time

How to Tell if You Are Truly Cultured

You can tell Bruno Mars from Veronica Mars from Mars bars.
You can tell Danger Mouse from Mickey Mouse from a computer mouse.
You can tell Chris Pine from James Levine from a can of turpentine.
You can tell Mozart from op-art from a go-kart.
You can tell Tom Cruise from Ted Cruz from J. Crew.
You can tell Bob Dylan from Matt Dillon from Nathan Fillion.
You can tell a pearl from Steve Earle from French vanilla swirl.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/702.html]
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Everybody Suffers When The BC Government Has A Brain Seizure

The government of British Columbia is coming under fire for using the province's civil forfeiture law to seize a 12 storey apartment building in a drug trafficking case, even though nobody who owns or lives in the building was involved in the case (the drugs were actually sold out of the back of a small grocery store across the street).

When asked to justify the seizure, BC Premier Christy Clark stated, "Because that's where the money is."

SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned

[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2016/03/18/509727.html]
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Chinese Government Policy Is That Toilet Humour Stinks

The government of China has banned toilet humour.

Seriously.

In a country where modern facilities usually mean a hole in the floor that was dug in the last week, the government has come under fire for planning to install proper plumbing in many of its buildings. "This is the way the government fights corruption?" said labourer Deng Pow-Pow, ineffectively hiding a shovel behind his back. "Such ostentatious displays of wealth as...toilets reek of corruption. Other things, too, of course, but definitely corruption!"

In order to stem the rising tide of jokes comedians were making on the subject, the Chinese government passed a law outlawing humour "primarily on the subject of toilets, holes in the ground, the physical elimination of waste products or any subject the Communist Party of China may deem related to same."

Political satirist Jun Park-Hee-Hee complained that "This new law will criminalize 90 per cent of my writing!" His trial should happen within the next three to 12 years.

"I'm not concerned," said filmmaker Judd Apatow. "China was never a big market for me."

SOURCE: WWW: World Weird Watch

[http://www.worldweirdwatch.com/archive/www164837.html]
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Insolvency Solves So Many Dilemmas

You want to stop Donald Trump from becoming the next President of the United States? Let one of his followers punch you in the face at one of his rallies. Preferably on camera. Trump is committed to setting up legal funds to defend all of his supporters who are facing assault charges; if enough people who believe that he is a menace to this country take a hit for the team, it will inevitably force him into bankruptcy. Again. He won't be able to fight a general election and financial insolvency!

The last person who tried to was W. O. Butler, and we all know how well that turned out!

SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills

[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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