Thank you, Evian Ever-Affture, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, media analyst Sherry Turkle wrote that our submission to digital technology has led to an atrophying of human capacities like empathy and self-reflection, qualities that could better be fostered by conversation. We suspect that if she had actually ever had a conversation with another human being, she might not be so sure of that. We spent 25 minutes the other day "having a conversation," a very loud conversation involving randomly chosen breakable projectiles sent hurtling through space with varying degrees of force, with our roommates the other day about who left the cheese on the counter where the cat could get at it, who would go down to the grocery store to replace said feline purloined dairy product, and who would clean our shoes. It's hard to see how the qualities of empathy and self-reflection were fostered by that conversation!
No, we're pretty sure Sherry Turkle needs to get out more.
Enjoy,Given Its Name, That Dog Should Have Come With A Warning!
A chocolate Labrador retriever appropriately named Trigger accidentally shot a woman in the foot during a hunting trip. The woman left her loaded shotgun on the ground with the safety off; the dog stepped on it, inadvertently pressing the trigger.
"This would never have happened if their cat Mephistophepuss had had its own gun," claimed National Rifle Association President Wayne LaPierre. "Trigger would have thought twice before accidentally pulling the...the...uhh..."
But, who would ensure that the cat didn't use its gun? "The family goldfish, Gupperson, should have its own firearm," LaPierre smirked superiorly. "Waterproof, of course, so that it didn't rust before being used."
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1496744000671460.xml]
more
A Police Officer Not Showing Restraint? Oh, That's Richland!
Richland County, South Carolina Senior Deputy Ben Fields was fired Wednesday after video showed him flipping a teen backward out of her desk and tossing her across a classroom.
"I can tell you what he should not have done: he should not have thrown the student..." said Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott, "...while somebody was recording the encounter."
When asked what the proper procedure is when confronted with an unruly student while being recorded, Sheriff Lott answered: "Drawing your weapon. That clarifies things in the mind of the perp and the cellphone shooter. It clarifies the shit out of things!"
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2015-10-25-wtc-lawsuit_x.htm]
more
Slow Motion Homicide - The Most Poignant Of Capital Crimes
Did you hear about the woman who murdered her husband? She fed him bacon for forty years!
SOURCE: Jimmy Kippel - Live! (On Tape Delay)
[http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/jimmy-kippel-live-ish/blogs/monologue]
more
Make Up Your Mind, You Silly Press Release!
Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar - the former reality television stars whose son Josh molested underage girls, including four of his sisters, when he was a teenager - will deliver a keynote address at a conference for people who home school their children in Alberta. The scandal-clad Duggar family's keynote speech at the Alberta Home Education Association conference in Red Deer, Alta., has been cancelled.
"The controversy surrounding actions taken by Josh Duggar is really 'old news.' The events happened more than a decade ago and were dealt with legally and morally at that time," the organization said in a statement. "Although early feedback from our members this summer was supportive of having the Duggars come here, recent feedback from our own members points out that their appearance here would not be in the best interest of home educators," reads the release.
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
more
The Guy Must Be Some Kind Of Head Kasich
At this morning's 10am Republican presidential debate, Ohio governor John Kasich complained about the implausible promises being made by frontrunners such as Donald Trump and Ben Carson. "This stuff is fantasy," Kasich said. You know what's fantasy? A guy who polls at three per cent thinking that anybody cares about anything he says!
Kasich also said, "My great concern is that we are on the verge, perhaps, of picking someone who cannot do this job." Umm, yeah. Hate to break it to you, John, but that ship sailed over a cliff 15 years ago!"
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/monologue-10-27-15]
more
The Last Little Emperor. Directed by Bernardo Bertolucci. With John Lone, Joan Chen, Peter O'Toole. This sweeping account of the life of Up Yo (John Lone), the last person born during China's one child policy, follows his tumultuous life. After ending his career in a mid-level position in a Beijing aerospace firm in 2050, Up Yo recalls his childhood from a retirement home. He remembers his lavish youth in the city's suburbs, where he was afforded every luxury but unfortunately sheltered from the outside world. As he enters school and, inevitably, the work world, the view that he deserves all of the privileges he has been given by his overly doting parents is dramatically upended.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0118420/]
more
The Vehicle Is Known As A Joint Land Attack Cruise Missile Defence Elevated Netted Sensor System, But You Can Call It Bob
An unmanned US army surveillance blimp broke loose from its moorings in Maryland and floated over Pennsylvania for hours, triggering blackouts across the state as the cable trailing behind it cut power lines.
Local Patriots immediately accused the Obama administration of deliberately sending the blimp to secretly record where all of their guns were kept, so it would be easier to confiscate the weapons at some future date. Other local Patriots thought the blimp was secretly surveying land in the state to determine the optimum site for a FEMA internment camp for opponents of the Obama's Islamo-fascistocracy. Some more conspiracy-minded people offered theories involving aliens, death rays and tofu.
We're not sure about the tofu part. Still, reasonable people can agree on the evil nature of the government while disagreeing on its exact tactics.
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
more
If They Can Make A Fabric Out Of It - NINJAS!
NASA is creating nanomaterial that absorbs 99.95 per cent of the light that hits it, making it the blackest black in existence. The process involves a titanium base heated to 750 degrees Celsius which becomes saturated with carbon, taking the structure of - oh, who cares? It's black. Really, really black.
"Well," sniffed Spinal Tap guitarist Nigel Tufnel, "I guess the album cover could have been some more black!"
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1124H3EC-2C145-20K5-EEE1539614B711711]
more