Thank you, N. Manny Moore, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we heard the news that Terry Gilliam had died, and we were all set to eulogize him with a quote from the dead parrot sketch, to whit: "This...is an ex-Python!" Then, though, we heard that the rumours of Gilliam's death circulating on Twitter were wrong, so we decided to go with the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where a body is put on a cart for corpses complains, "But, I'm not dead yet!"
All life aspires to the condition of Python.
Enjoy,Prime Minister Stephen Harper claims that accepting 10,000 refugees over three years is an acceptable way of dealing with the humanitarian crisis in Syria, and that "most countries are simply not doing their part and they need to do more."
The Absurd Ironyometer's spit take from Toronto was felt in Niagara Falls. On the American side. Tourists didn't notice a difference, but native Niagara Fallacies worried that a gale force breeze must have been responsible for blowing mist from the Falls towards them, and rushed home to brace their doors and windows.
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Horoscopes For The Horrible
ARIES (almost John Kasich): It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be suspected a sane person than to speak out against shutting down the government over Planned Parenthood Funding and remove all doubt.
TAURUS (Marco Rubio): You're too pretty to be in this race. And, too young. And, too...Hispanic. Go to the beach today and put this nightmare behind you.
GEMINI (Donald Trump): Today is a good day to speak your mind. Aww, who are we kidding? You speak your mind every day! And, your base loves it! Now, if you could only speak to people other than yourself...
CANCER (Lindsay Graham): You will be tempted to meddle in the affairs of others today. Resist the urge. Syria will be your Vietnam.
LEO (almost Mike Huckabee): You are part of the divine plan (as are we all). Just remember the old saying: God plans, man laughs.
VIRGO (Ben Carson): Ever feel like the odd man out? Today, you will feel odder. Prescribe yourself a sedative and try again tomorrow.
LIBRA (Jim Gilmore): The good news is that you're under the radar of political satirists. The bad news: ditto.
SCORPIO (Scott Walker): Today is a good day to support the country's police officers. The country's Commander in Chief, not so much.
SAGITTARIUS (almost Ted Cruz): Compromise can be a wonderful way forward. Like the compromise that is possible between Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis and the gay couples she refuses to allow her office to issue marriage licenses to. All they need to do is...umm...that is to say...well, obviously...sorry, but today compromise seems like a brick wall in the path of progress. Try another rhetorical tactic.
CAPRICORN (Rand Paul): It doesn't matter what you say - nobody can follow your convoluted thinking anyway. Do yourself a favour today and try to sound less nasally. The soundman at your rally will thank you.
AQUARIUS (Jeb Bush): Family will be very important for you today. Claim to be an orphan.
PISCES (Rick Perry): Now is not a good time to quit. Put all your energy into surging forward and you will be rewarded! ...Or not.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=827&dir=bb]
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For A Time, The Internet Was Littered With More Inert Sock Puppets Than The Floor Of A Teenager's Bedroom!
I remember a time when the Internet was a relatively happy place, where people could disagree without feeling the need to emotionally destroy each other. It was a place where diversity was celebrated, and women, people of colour, people of all sexualities and others who had been traditionally marginalized could speak freely and without fear of vicious, mindless attacks.
Then, Joshua Goldberg was let out on bail, and everything went back to hell.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/090915/geeklynews/01comedygoldberg.htm]
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Disney Has More To Lose
Anthony Daniels, who played C-3PO in the first six Star Wars films, has complained about the secrecy around the new film in the series, The Force Awakens. He pointed out that the script that he was sent was typed in black on red paper (making it impossible to photocopy), and that he received an email from Disney demanding that he remove a tweet where he off-handedly mentioned one of the surprise actors in the film.
It should come as no surprise, then, that Stephen Harper has met with George Lucas in an effort to get the Conservative campaign back on track.
SOURCE: LotsMusic
[http://www.lotsmusic.com/news/?thedate=9/08/2015.htm#1]
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So Close To A Great Comeback, But The More You Think About It...
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/aww-get-a-room-you-guys/]
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Did John Get A Big McAfee For That Brilliant Insight?
John McAfee, after whom a famous brand of coffee maker operating system is named, believes that the Ashley Madison hack was done by a black hat hacker named Mr. Robot.
"Who would want to take down such a wholesome Web site as Ashley Madison?" McAfee mused. "Obviously, a nihilist who wants to destroy the whole capitalist/romance system. And, nobody fits that bill better than Mr. Robot!"
We were tempted to point out that Mr. Robot is a fictional character, but we weren't certain of McAfee's presence in the real world, so we decided to let the whole matter drop.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/150821/geeklynews/01mcafiddledeedee.htm]
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She Was Just Doing The Hokey Pokey - A Traditional Hungarian Dance Of Welcome
Hungarian camerawoman Petra Laszlo has been fired from ultranationalist online TV channel N1TV because she was tripping and kicking migrants immediately after they entered her country.
"Actually, Petra didn't -" N1TV editor Szabolcs Kisber started.
Her actions were recorded by a German journalist.
"Oh, right," Kisber said. "Well, of course, Ms. Laszlo's actions were completely unprofessional and more or less unacceptable. Anybody who works for us knows that they should only kick immigrants on their time off, and never on camera!"
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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