Thank you, Onuwachi Bradford, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we read about a study that showed that chewing gum could help get earworms out of our heads; apparently, the act of moving your jaws up and down can cut down the number of times you psychically repeat a song. Who knew? So, the next time we caught a bad case of the Gogos' "We Got the Beat," we tried it. It took hours to get the song out of our heads. However, this doesn't mean the theory is wrong, just the execution. The next time "Walk Like an Egyptian" by The Bangles comes on the radio, we're gonna stick chewing gum in our ears and repeat saying, "La la la - I can't hear you! La la la la la!" until our jaws hurt. We may find that there is something to this chewing gum thing yet!
Enjoy,REMEMBER: Information About Human Sexuality That Parents Pick Up On The Streets Is Likely To Be Wrong!
Children are complaining about the new Sex Ed Ed curriculum that Ontario is planning on teaching parents across the province.
"My dad wanted to talk to me about safe sex practices," said 14 year-old Jordan Blanchette. "I don't want to know anything about any sex practices! Ewwwww!"
"My...my parents sat me down in the kitchen and...and...and talked to me about venereal disease," added 15 year-old Mataslan Grenchuk. "I don't think I'll ever be able to look a ribeye steak in the eye again!"
The consensus appears to be that teaching parents about sex education will encourage them to talk to their children about sex. This can't end well.
"Parents are having 'The Sex Talk' with their children despite their ignorance of the subject," argued Peel District School Board Chair Janet McDougal. "I had one parent tell me that Sex Ed class would make her children go blind! And, she was a lawyer! What is a teacher supposed to do with that? Sex Ed Ed courses for parents - the need is immediate and overwhelming!"
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2015/04/24/509727.html]
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My Fan's Name Is Bob. He Likes Timbits. If I Don't Get More Fans Soon, We May, By Law, Have To Get Married
Twitter, somehow confusing my personal account for a business account, has sent me a helpful email suggesting that I pay them to help better identify my followers. As if. I already have a pretty good idea of who my followers are.
Now, if Twitter was selling a way for me to unknow the identity of my followers, that I would be interested in buying!
SOURCE: Les pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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That Seems Like An Extreme Reaction To The News That Galaxy Quest Is Being Made Into A TV Series
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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And, When We Say "Being Treated Respectfully," We Actually Mean "Being Laughed At Behind Your Back Because Of The Irrationality Of Your Arguments"
Even misogynist speculative fiction fans have to settle.
YOU WANT: To get thrown out of a science fiction convention for making false claims about your intentions and identity when you applied for a table in the dealers' room; then, you will be able to can claim on your social networks to have been persecuted by the left-wing conspiracy that runs science fiction fandom. If the con chair is a woman, you get bonus points for being able to talk about FemiNazis and emasculated men.
YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: Being allowed to keep your table despite the false pretences, and being treated respectfully by everybody you talk to at the con.
YOU'LL GET: Ignored by everybody, including people you thought were your followers.
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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Good To Know They're Doing All They Can To Prevent Unnecessary Gun Deaths
Excerpt from Guns Are Not Toys, Kids (Hee Hee), a weapons safety cartoon for children produced by the National Rifle Association:
"Hi, kids. I'm Eddie the Eagle. We all know what eagles are, don't we? Yeah, yeah, vicious raptors that prey on cute mice and gerbils and even small dogs if they're not careful. What else? Come on - don't leave your pal Eddie the Eagle hanging he - that's right! The eagle is the symbol of our great nation! So, if you argue with me, you're arguing with America. You don't want to do that. You can't win an argument with a whole country. So, kids, I'm here to tell you that guns are not toys. If a big person leaves a gun lying around, don't pick it up. And, if you do pick it up - because, let's be honest, guns are pretty neat, even if they aren't toys - don't point it at somebody you love. Point it at somebody you hate. That way, if the gun accidentally goes off - because, duh! - at least you won't lose somebody you care about. Trust Eddie the Eagle on this one kids - your psychiatric bills will be so much less when you're an adult!"
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-379414cahs01.html]
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Canada: Come For The Skiing, Stay For The Orgies
Snow Bunnies Gone MentalAn innocent trip to Montreal by American college students to celebrate New Years and get in some skiing turns into a hilarious sexual adventure when all 48 are strip searched at the Canadian border. Snow Bunnies Gone Mental combines all the pathos of a Carry On... movie with the emotional sensitivity of Benny Hill.
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0178350/]
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Could There Be A Clearer Case Of Petraeus Envy?
Retired American General David Petraeus pleaded guilty to a misdemeanour charge of mishandling classified materials for allowing his mistress to read highly sensitive documents. He was given probation and a $100,000 fine.
Edward Snowden, communicating from an embassy just this side of the event horizon of a black hole, hit himself in the forehead with his palm and muttered, "So, that's how leaks are supposed to be done!"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2015Apr24.html]
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