Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
I'm a brooder extruder for a chain of Korean chicken delis. As you can imagine, my job keeps me much too busy to find women to have sex with; fortunately, there are now phone apps for that. In the past, I have used Minder Binder, Sex Savvy, The iNcReDiblesnot TM and many other apps to help me find women to do the bedroom henhouse hora with. And, they were great. For a while.
I eventually realized, though, that I was missing fantastic opportunities on one app by focusing my attention on another. Anne Hanrahan, for example, married the man she met on the Get It On!...Your Phone app three days before I used it to find her. When I looked Geneva Wisconsin up on the Fetish This, Pal! app, I found she had closed her account and moved to an undisclosed location the day before. When I tried to bind with Melissa Fungeotti on Minder Binder, I received a message that told me that she had died six hours before. Six hours! So close!
You can imagine my frustration. Go ahead. Imagine it. I'll wait.
No, I won't. I have no patience for other people. Around the time of the Fungeotti Debacle, I heard of an app called Make It! The creators of the app, Neon Studios, Anonymously, claimed that it would monitor all of my matchmaking apps and message me when potential mates were found. I installed it immediately. Problem solved.
Yeah. Sure. I'll bet that's what Lehmer thought, too!
For the first week, the Make It! app tried to hook me up with other guys. Anything I can say about that is bound to offend somebody, so let's pretend like it didn't happen. For the second week, the Make It! app tried to hook me up with Ventrosian Squiggles - I...I don't even know if I have the right plumbing for that! Then, there was the week where the app tried to hook me up with nothing but teddy bears. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
I can't believe I just wasted a month of my life! And, $1.99 of my hard-earned semolians! Do you have any idea how I can get my money back? It's not that I'm cheap, it's the principle of the thing.
Sincerely,Yo, Charles,
I'm no expert (The Tech Answer Guy has never trusted phones whose wires you couldn't trip over - The Klutz Test is an important part of the Macho Code of Manliness, Pop-up Colouring Book Edition), but I think the reason the Make It! app isn't doing what you were expecting it to do is probably because it's a front for federal law enforcement agents trying to find for people who are looking for illicit sexual relations with aliens.
Assuming that's not you, forget about a refund. If I were you, I would uninstall Make It! as soon as possible. Then, burn the phone to ashes and scatter the ashes all over your social life, because nothing is going to grow there for a very long time. Then, just to be on the safe side, take a vow of silence for the next five years.
The Tech Answer GuyHOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?
Sincerely,Yo, Chuckie,
How, indeed?
The basic code for Make It! was taken from another programme called Take It!, which is an app for stock brokers to determine the best time to short the stock of their clients. Take It! was, in turn, developed from the code for Toke It!, which gave marijuana users information on the price and quality of cannabis in their area, not to mention the odds of having an up close and personal encounter with local law enforcement if they chose to act on this information. Toke It! was based on the Ha Ha Got You Sucker! app developed especially for local law enforcement to monitor various behaviours they would like to discourage; this code is common to all of the iterations of the programme throughout time and space for ever and ever amen.
Frankly, if you had installed the FED Up app on your phone, you would know this. Or if you had Smilla's sense of acronyms.
If I was you, I'd be getting fitted for monk's robes right about now...
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: When somebody says, "It's the principle of the thing..." they may as well hang a blinking neon sign on their chest that says, "I'm cheap!" Honestly, you might fool a couple of nuns and politically motivated op-ed columnists, but other than that...