Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
According to reports in my newspaper, GCHQ - which is not the name of a men's magazine, the headquarters of an organization dedicated to Good Combing or a designer drug - captured millions of still images from video chats on Yahooey. In addition to images of kittens, kiddies and...Kit Kats, the British security agency captured a lot of images of people doing it. To themselves. To each other. To Kit Kats (hey! - don't judge! Everybody loves chocolate in their own special way!).
Would it be possible for me to get some of those images? Not, you know, for purposes of national security or anything, strictly to get it on!
Sincerely,Yo, Sil,
Yeah, hee hee,Judgmental much?
Sincerely,Yo, Gar,
No, no, you got it all wrong. I wasn't dissing Silvio - I was answering his question! One of the great things about the freedoms we enjoy is the right to pleasure ourselves in any way that doesn't impinge upon anybody else's freedom or scare the horses or gerbils (of course, the Supreme Court has been silent on the sexual scaring of porcupines, otters or sea anemones, but sources tell me to expect a decision before the end of the millennium). Some people get off on girls with eyepatches playing with balloon animals. Some people get off on watching stills of naked people captured by Five Eyes (and isn't that an image designed to keep you up at night!) security services! Such is the beauty of the diversity of the human experience! National security is a serious business that has nothing to do with the kind of casual voyeurism that regular readers of this feature seem to revel in. It is directed voyeurism. Focused voyeurism. Voyeurism that protects property and saves lives! There's a saying in the security community: today's naked exhibitionist is tomorrow's suicide bomber. And, forgetting for the moment that most Muslim women are covered from head to toe, even a degenerate like you should be able to see the logic in that!
I'm surprised at what you're saying. Why should national security services have all the fun?
Sincerely,Yo, Virg Baby,
They shouldn't! That's not what I've been saying! Somebody has hijacked my computer! Oh! Oh! Who's being judgmental now? Members of the nation's security services are hard working people whose levels of sociopathy are no more than double that of the average office worker or serial killer!
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Besides, if you had any idea of the kind of crap we have to deal with day in and day out, you might not be more sympathetic! I don't know how many hours I've spent looking at images of Aunt Martha's bum boils, three year-old Butchie twirling the family cat Mittens Buster around in the air by his tail or men scratching their noses. I swear, if I had had any faith in humanity before I took this job, it would be totally destroyed by now. And, I've only worked in the security establishment for three weeks!
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: Umm...is it okay for me to write anything here?