Headlines Went BERAP BERAP!

Harper Celebrates 10 Years Of Sticking it To Trudeau And Chretien

"Trudeau, Chretien celebrate 50 years of Maple Leaf flag" - Globe and Mail

That's Our Team - Proudly Rebuilding Since 1967!

"LEAFS-PREDATORS
Franson swap launches rebuild" - Toronto Star

Compassion, On The Other Hand, Is Kept In A Dark Closet

"Harper unafraid to show fear" - Toronto Sun

Buggy Whips Set To Make A Comeback

"Don't go looking for a job in the oil sands now" - Globe and Mail

Open Your Fingers And Let Gravity Do The Rest

"How can I let go of my late mother's taffeta party blouse?" - Toronto Star

With All That Slashing And Cutting, Do You Think The Government Is Perhaps Focussing On The Wrong War?

"BANKING
Standard Chartered plans mass layoffs" - Globe and Mail

 "Coca-Cola slashes jobs across sectors
Changing health perceptions impact soda maker's revenue" - Toronto Star

 "Worries rise in oil patch as Shell cuts jobs amid plunge" - Globe and Mail

 "Low oil leads Cenovus to reduce staff, cut spending
Firm to trim 15% of workers and suspend salary hikes" - Toronto Star

 "More layoffs loom at Barrick as miner seeks to cut costs" - Globe and Mail

 "FINANCIAL SERVICES
Canaccord to cut staff as exposure to energy takes toll" - Globe and Mail

 "Gay newspaper Xtra stopping print editions
12 staff laid off as publisher focuses on digital growth" - Toronto Star

 "Bleeding red ink, Sony plans to pull its store locations out of Canada
14 outlets to close across the country over two months, affecting 90 employees" - Toronto Star

 "MINING
Grande Cache plans up to 150 job cuts" - Globe and Mail

 "Tim Hortons cuts 350 office staff" - Globe and Mail

 "Suncor to cut 1,000 jobs, $1 billion from budget" - Toronto Star

 "Wrigley to close Toronto factory
Sharp decline in sales blamed as 52-year-old plant to shut down in 2016, throwing 383 out of work" - Toronto Star

 "Bombardier to cut 1,000 jobs in U.S. and Mexico" - Toronto Star

"EBay to cut 2,400 jobs, reaches deal with Icahn" - Globe and Mail

"Closures mean loss of 17,600 jobs
'Target's time in Canada has been a sad story for workers from the beginning' says Brock professor - Toronto Star

Absolutely! People Who See It Won't Want To Have Sex For Weeks - Possibly Months!

"Does Fifty Shades of Grey have the power to change our view of sex?" - Globe and Mail

Your Actions Will Be Easier To Rationalize That Way

"Think things through before acting on feelings" - Toronto Star

Fortune Cookie Headlines No Help In Souvlaki Crisis

"Greece to ask EU to extend bailout deal
PM Tsipras appears ready to disregard several austerity conditions European finance ministers have set for any loan extension" - Globe and Mail

 "Success comes from sticking to your guns" - Globe and Mail

Actually, Your Entire House Would Fit Into One Of The Bathrooms Of My Home In China, But Feel Free To Enjoy Your Racist Assumptions

"Some tips for winter-weary new Canadians
That sunburned shack back home looks pretty good right now, eh?" - Toronto Sun

At Any Time, Egotistical Pea Soup Hard To Swallow

"Humble pea soup goes a long way on a cold day" - Toronto Star

But, Maybe Not Too Quickly...

"Parliament must reject the anti-terror bill" - Globe and Mail

 "Islam and the West at War" - New York Times

Unfortunately, His Mouth Is The Energizer Bunny Of His Body Parts

"PM's mouthpiece quits" - Toronto Sun

"You Really Don't Understand How Demagoguery Works, Do You?" Harper Replies

"Islam is not the enemy, Obama says" - Toronto Star

 They Clearly Know How To Build Tension
Let's Hope They're As Good At Releasing It...

"Ontario set to reveal plan on sex education 'within weeks'" - Toronto Star

Great! That Means I Only Have $4.7 Million To Go!

"Financial freedom is just $4.5-million away" - Globe and Mail

Well, Other People's Religion, In Any Case

"Civic life trumps religion" - Toronto Sun

Apparently, It Works For Voters, Too

"Treats can help dogs face fear if you use them the right way" - Toronto Star

We Have Nothing To Fear But Economic Stagnation Itself

"BoC says no reason to fear deflation" - Globe and Mail

 "Inflation could be driven into negative territory this spring" - Toronto Star

Diehards Gotta Get Their Excitement From Something, I Suppose...

"3D projections add magic to Maple Leafs pre-game show
A dozen powerful projectors put on elaborate display, at a cost of more than $1 million, to add excitement to the game" - Toronto Star

He Has To Go "Full Rambo" On Their Asses

"Obama won't beat IS with a half-hearted strategy" - Globe and Mail

Could Only Keep Down 48, Which Proved That She Wasn't Faithful But That She May Be A Witch

"Cheating teen fails marshmallow test" - Toronto Sun

Even Though They Could Stand To Eat More Marshmallows

"You're not in charge of your friends' lives" - Toronto Star

It Takes Christmas And The Occasional Sick Day Off In America

"The Propaganda Machine Is Always at Work in Russia" - New York Times

Like There Would Be A Good Time For That?

"Who needs guns when you have broomsticks?
Report of fake weaponry in German NATO exercise comes at worst possible time" - Toronto Star

What Does That Make Victims Of Gun Violence?

"Gun owners are second class citizens" - Toronto Sun

Province Says Moody's Has A Drinking Problem

"Moody's says province has a spending problem" - Toronto Star

Should Be Six Or Seven Hundred Before His Term Is Up

"Obama uses only his third veto to kill Keystone bill" - Toronto Star

And, Donald Trump Politics Everything

"Politics tends to trump common sense" - Toronto Star

Have Yours Now, Avoid The Rush

"Strokes Not Just for the Elderly" - Toronto Star ad

Of Course, Any Sartorial Ignition Will Be Iran's Fault...

"Netanyahu, his pants on fire, hits Washington" - Toronto Star