"Who are you working with?"
"What?"
"Nobody does shit like this alone. You must be working with an organization - who is it?"
"I sometimes study with Petey and Stu, if that's what you mean..."
"Petey and Stu - right. Are they members of your cell?"
"Cell? I don't know - when Mister Blechson tells us to work in groups, I usually work with Petey and Stu."
"Mister Blechson? Are you telling me your...your French teacher is your handler?"
"I guess..."
"So, who do you and Petey and Stu and Mister Blechson working for? What terrorist organization? Al Qaeda? Al Qaeda in Iraq? Al Qeada in Yemen? Al Qaeda in Alabama? The Taliban? Hamas? Damask? Don't Ask? ISIS? PISIS? PSORIASIS? BIG SIS? The East Turkestan Liberation Organization? The South Phillie Liberation Organization? The Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine? The Unpopular Front for the Liberation of Palestine? The Absolutely Despised and Reviled Front for the Liberation of Palestine? The Popular Revolutionary People's Front for the Liberation of the Struggle for the Heritage of the Front of the Brotherhood? The Baby's Arm Holding an Apple Brigades? Who? Who? Who do you work for?"
"I don't work for anybody! Daddy says that I shouldn't have a paper route until I'm ten, and I only just turned eight!"
"Look, kid. We know you're involved in terrorist activities. It will go much easier on you if you cooperate."
"But, I didn't do anything!"
"Didn't do anything? DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I got your file right here, punk! It says Mrs. Thorson tried every day for three weeks to get you to do your homework, and you didn't. Not a single time! Not once!"
"So? Homework sucks!"
"So, things changed on 9/11, asshole! You might have been able to get away with not doing your homework in grade two before then, but, if you don't do your homework now, the terrorists win!"
"What?"
"Are you, fucking deaf? You heard me: if you don't do your grade two homework, the terrorists win!"
"How does that even work?"
"It works like this, asshole: if you don't do your homework, you barely pass grade two. Maybe they hold you back a year, but probably they bump you up to grade three. Maybe you develop a better work ethic, but most likely you have started a pattern, here, so you barely pass grade three. And, grade four. And, grade five. And, so on, all through your primary and secondary education. Because you barely passed high school, you're deemed not smart enough to join the army. You end up spending the rest of your life in low-paying, menial jobs, but I could give a shit about that. What's important here is that because you don't make it into the army, you don't get a job in military intelligence. And, because you didn't make it into military intelligence, nobody twigged to a major attack on the National Assembly which cripples France's government and destroys our way of life. BANG! The terrorists win! And, all because you didn't do your homework in grade two, asshole!"
"I want my mommy!"
"You wanna mommy up? Seriously? Have you not been paying attention? The rules went out the window on 9/11. You tell me what I want to know, or you'll end up in the kiddie's section of Guantanamo!"
"Jeez. Okay. Don't have a cow, man. I'll do my homework. Okay? Can I go, now?"
"What? You think it's that easy? You don't get off being a terrorist by promising you won't do it again!"
"I'm not a terrist!"
"Terrorist."
"Terrisist."
"TERRORIST!"
"I'm not one of those!"
"Can you really be that dumb? Okay, your grades say yes. Lemme explain the facts of life to you kid: there are only two types of people in the world these days: people who are fighting terrorists and terrorists. If you don't do your homework, you won't be able to fight the terrorists. That makes you a terrorist. But, if you tell me what I want to know, it will at least show good faith."
"Fiiiiiiiiiiine! What do you want to know?"
"What terrorist organization are you working with?"
"The, uhh, first you one you said."
"Al Qaeda in Alabama?"
"Sure. That one."
"That wasn't the first one I said. Are you sure you aren't just telling me what I want to hear?"
"Oh, goodie. Now, you're learning something!"