Quotes Are No Joke!

We're Pretty Good At Forecasting The Gullibility Of The Canadian People, Though, So, "Ha!"

"While we're certainly not in the business of forecasting where oil prices go, certainly one thing is clear from history. It's when prices fall a lot, they tend to go back up. So we'll take that into account as well." - Finance Minister Joe Oliver explaining why the Harper Government of Canada has delayed tabling a budget for four months

Beatings? Please! It's Not Like You're Cooking Them For Feasts For The Wealthy! ...Are You?

"[It's] not very popular beating kids any more. It's not very fashionable, and you are not allowed to do it and if you are a celebrity chef like me it does not look very good in the paper." - celebrity chef like him Jamie Oliver

I'm Not Here To Say David Brooks Is An Idiot, But It Would Be Nice If He Didn't Obviously Contradict Himself Within A Single Sentence

"President Obama and Republicans in the United States Congress have recently taken their conflicts to another level. I'm not here to apportion the blame, but it would be nice if, in the future, we evaluated presidential candidates on the basis of whether they are skilled at the art of collaboration." - David Brooks, New York Times

"Plus, They Hurt Our Feelings," He Added As He Beat A Random Passerby With His Baton For A Crime To Be Named Later

"There's blood on many hands from those who incited violence under the guise of protest to try to tear down what police officers do every day." - Patrick Lynch, President, Patrolmen's Benevolent Association in New York

Oh, Well. There's Always The Supreme Court...

Yeah. Shit. If I Were You, I Would Be Deleting My Porn Collection Right About Now...

"I think privacy is overvalued. Much of what passes for the name of privacy is really just trying to conceal the disreputable parts of your conduct. Privacy is mainly about trying to improve your social and business opportunities by concealing the sorts of bad activities that would cause other people not to want to deal with you." - Judge Richard Posner, U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit, giving his argument for why the NSA should have an unlimited ability to collect digital information in the name of national security

Actually, I Always Thought Of You As Being A Member Of The Illiterati...

"People often accuse me of being a member of the Illuminati, but, the thing is, I know who the real Illuminati are, and I know where that word comes from." - Madonna

"And, I Wish They Would Stop Stealing My Act!"

"The international jihadist movement has declared war. They have declared war on anybody who does not think and act exactly as they wish they would think and act." - Prime Minister Stephen Harper

It Was Obviously Causal Friday When This Article Was Edited!

"As their party plane takes off for a place where male fun is predicated on causal misogyny, the only thing to celebrate is that the credits are rolling." - Globe and Mail review of The Wedding Ringer

President Smiles Broadly And Assures Bankers He's Never Met Her Before In His Life

"Who do you work for - Wall Street or the American people?" - Senator Elizabeth Warren challenging Republicans to vote for a bill that would curtail the power of banks

They Didn't Test Well With The Focus Group

"What's happened to our sense of responsibility, our sense of humanity?" - Toronto Star letter writers Laureen Marchand and Val marie

Or, They Could Let Go Of Their Prejudices And Become Decent Human Bei - No, You're Right, Home Schooling Would Be Easier

"The new curricula are permeated by positive references to same-sex marriage, not just in one discipline but in all. Faced with this strategy of diffusion, the only parental defense is to remove one's children from the public school system entirely." - Bradley Miller, a Conservative appointed Ontario judge

A Million Interactions Is A Completely Different Matter, Though, Especially If They Are Unmarked And Non-consecutive

"Lobbying is an essential part of democracy. Any suggestion that any individual contribution or interaction may unduly influence government policy is false." - statement from Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne's office about donations from The Beer Company

And, Horrid Mischief Definitely Ensues When Everybody Has Them, So Where Does That Leave Us?

"Arms discourage & keep the invader & plunderer in awe... Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of them." - Thomas Paine

A Grateful City Thanks Tory

"That's not the way I would run the city." - former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on current Mayor John Tory

Better To Not Pass Legislation That Will Make People In Your Province Look Like Small Minded Bigots Than To Have It Go Through And Remove Any Doubt

"If we say that we live in a city where we were thinking it would be OK for a 15 year-old to appear before a judge to ask the judge if a 15 year-old can start a club In his school, a club that no one would be forced to belong to? ...We would end up having international attention toward what kind of hillbillies we are." - Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi on Alberta delaying a bill about high school gay-straight alliances

Missing Word In Sentence Was Obviously Caused By Malware And Attack!

"Even if it hadn't already been headline-trumped by the Sony hacking scandal or so handily out-suspensed by the extraordinary Edward Snowden documentary Citizenfour, Mann's new movie would still seem about as thrilling and current as a first-generation Atari game system, an exercise in sleek redundancy where words like 'malware' and are supposed to generate shivers of excruciating anticipation." - Globe and Mail review of Blackhat

Who Was The Bible Written By? Munchkins?

"The Bible is the only source of truth. Anything written by man cannot be infallible." - Alex Malarkey, who wrote, then denounced the book Heaven Is for Real