Les Pages Aux Folles: Another Glorious Day
Another Glorious Day
Thinking about the latest weight loss fad? You may as well try it:
The Polar Bear Far North Diet.
Simply pollute the planet, causing it to overheat,
Melting a lot of the polar ice sheet,
Leaving you with too little to eat.
(As long as you are willing to live only for today)
You'll watch the pounds just melt away!
But that's alright. No, it's okay.
It is just another glorious day
In this, the best of all possible worlds.
We're starting to consider doing the unthinkable
And drinking water that is clearly far from drinkable –
That's what you get for having unquenchable thirst.
But look on the bright side: toxic air might be even worse
Wanna place bets on which of your organs will be first to burst?
You'd best believe someone's making a pile
Of money on your refusal to change your destructive lifestyle.
But that's alright. No, it's okay.
It is just another glorious day
In paradise.
I do not mean to be a complete bore,
But do you know the country is at war?
I suppose you're too busy being distracted
By intimate photographs of celebrity wisdom teeth (impacted)
While the toll on people you do not know is extracted.
You certainly do not want to see photos from cell phones
Of the blood and destruction caused by our precision-guided drones.
But that's alright. No, it's okay.
It is just another glorious day
And all is right with the glorious world.
Everything you thought you knew you must think about again:
Did you know that 5,000 years ago dinosaurs walked with men?
The blame for unwanted teenage pregnancy is on sex education (!),
The war on terror (whatever that may be) is a winnable mission
And pandering to prejudice is "a political vision."
Meanwhile, scientists and teachers must use the utmost tact
Whenever they assert that there is such a thing as "facts."
But that's alright. No, it's okay.
It is just another glorious day
In our heaven on Earth.
Sometimes, I turn my face to the sun to feel its warmth. You can do that when the smog lifts. I feel a cool breeze tease my skin, and I am able to keep myself from wondering how long I can stay outdoors before cancerous lesions break out on the exposed parts of my body. I can hear the chirping of birds and the distant laughter of children. At least, I think it's birds and children, and not a Pink Floyd album or something. I have a full stomach and am feeling no pain (now that the Percocets have kicked in). I'm on my way to meet a good friend (for now) for a pleasant evening (as long as nobody makes a scene in the restaurant, talks through the movie or pistol whips the bus driver on the way home.) And, I think, I'm trying to be optimistic in this break from the main body of the poem, so let's forget all the snarky asides and gloomy parenthetical comments. All things considered, this world is pretty good. It would be even better if there weren't so many human beings. Maybe one or two...billion fewer. Okay, five or six. Still. Not bad.
I think I'm going to have to work on those optimism skills.
The people to whom we should be the most irreverent
Are the pie-throwing clowns who run the government.
Those highly dedicated men and women who know who is their master
And argue amongst themselves who can give away the house to the wealthy faster
While playing on the public's greed and stupidity to sleepwalk us towards disaster.
Not a single one of them will honestly tell us what the future holds
Because they think that voters are all twelve year-olds.
But that's alright. No, it's okay.
It is just another glorious day
In the greatest democracy the world has ever seen.
The low opinion pols have of voters is not without reason,
It seems like every day on the news is silly season.
Who just entered rehab, who recently got out,
How to get the most effective attention-getting pout;
Which candidate is ahead in the horserace to win the ever-dwindling voter turnout.
Should anything penetrate and force us to suspect things are bad and getting worse,
We can always turn to the 1,000 channel universe.
But that's alright. No, it's okay.
It is just another glorious day
For the greatest person who ever lived.
