Quotes Would Take You More Seriously If You Would Just...
No, Sorry, Not Even Then

No, That's Not Ironic: I Wasn't Pining Away For It Even If I Am Glad It's Back

"It's increasingly apparent to me that the Cold War has never left Vladimir Putin's mind." - Prime Minister Stephen Harper

Considering How Many More Asians There Are In The World Than Caucasians, Wouldn't They Be A Better Choice For "Stand-ins For All People?"

"From the beginning, we were concerned about casting, the issue of race. What we realized is that this story is functioning at the level of myth, and as a mythical story, the race of the individuals doesn't matter. They're supposed to be stand-ins for all people. Either you end up with a Bennetton ad or the crew of the Starship Enterprise." - screenwriter Ari Handel explaining why there are no black people in Noah

I, On The Other Hand, Promise Self-interest And Everybody Else Can Go To Hell

"[C]ollectivists promise heaven, but deliver hell." Charles Koch, in an editorial in the Wall Street Journal

And, We Save The Most Secrecy For After The Election

"We believe, and most people believe, elections should be decided by secret votes, not secret voters." - Stephen Harper on Bill C-23, which will make it harder for some people to vote

A Cato Institute Researcher?

"What do you call someone who sows misinformation, stokes fear, abets behaviour that endangers people's health, extracts enormous visibility from doing so, and then says the equivalent of, 'Who? Me?'" - Frank Bruni column in The New York Times

You're Just Disappointed You Won't Be Getting Craig Ferguson's Slot After The Late Show

"CBS has declared war on the heartland of America... No longer is comedy going to be a covert assault on traditional American values, conservatives – now it's just going to be wide out in the open. What this hire means is a redefinition of what is funny and a redefinition of what is comedy." - Rush Limbaugh on the announcement that Stephen Colbert would be taking over David Letterman's spot on The Late Show

Historical Revisionism: Not Just For Governments And A-list Celebrities Any More!

"I am not 'anti-vaccine.' For years, I have repeatedly stated that I am, in fact, 'pro-vaccine' and for years I have been wrongly branded." - Jenny McCarthy

Sorry, But We're Just Not Likin' It

"This has been an attack on our brand. This has been an attack on our system. This is an attack on our people. It's bullshit, okay?" - McDonald's Canada CEO John Betts on complaints about the company's use of temporary foreign workers to replace Canadian workers

 It's Sad When Friends Fall Out
But Also Kind Of Awesome

"[Political ruthlessness is] a cancer eating at the whole Conservative movement in Canada." - Tom Flanagan, architect of the Conservative policy of political ruthlessness

Who, Exactly, Is In A Panic Here?

"You cannot come in with leggings, because my son wants to learn and the truth is it is distracting. And it is kind of inappropriate because when did we decide as a culture that tights would become an overgarment instead of an undergarment? The reason we're doing that is because girls are in a panic to be more and more sexual because we've taken all the restraint away from femininity. We've made girls into boys." - Fox commentator Keith Ablow defends an Illinois middle school's ban on girls wearing leggings

Good To Know That They Didn't Hate Taxpayers When They Improperly Spent Our Money

"I don't think things were malicious." Toronto District School Board Chair Chris Bolton, explaining his take on members misspending public funds

The Film Is A Warning! BEWARE: The Next 30 Years Are Going To Be Really Boring!

"...you realize that the technology we use in the film [Transcendence] is very close to being a reality, and will for sure be a reality in the next 30 years..." - Johnny Depp

 Do You Really Think Canadians Are As Obsessed With Constitutional Matters As You Are?
Oh, Well, Yes, I Suppose You Would, Wouldn't You?

"I think it's a decision that the vast majority of Canadians will be very disappointed with..." - Prime Minister Stephen Harper on the Supreme Court ruling that Ottawa cannot change the Senate without provincial approval

That All Depends On How Cooperative The Black Devils Are

I believe in "racial separation, but it doesn't have to be violent." - Frank Ancona, Imperial Wizard, Ku Klux Klan

Some Day, We May Even Act On This Knowledge

"We know that our economy works best when it works for all of us – not just a fortunate few." - President Barack Obama

 And, According To The French, There Never Was Wine
And, According To The English, There Never Was Fog
And, According To Your Therapists, There Never Will Be Medication Strong Enough

"According to the Germans, there never were concentration camps." - Silvio Berlusconi

Girgio Has Never Been One To Pass Up An Opportunity To Make A Bad Situation Worse...

"A number of people in council would like to see him dead and die of this ailment." - Toronto Councillor Giorgio Mammoliti on Mayor Rob Ford's critics

So, Will You Stop Writing Your Column?

"Speaking one's mind isn't really all it's cracked up to be, as any well-balanced person reading the comments section quickly concludes." - Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker

Is It Our Fault That We're Not Required To Do So More Often? I Mean, Really, Who Wrote These Laws In The First Place?

"Privacy laws are respected by the government. Law enforcement and other investigative agencies always seek warrants when they are required to do so." - Prime Minister Stephen Harper

Gay Marriage A Drag On The Economy? Do You Have Any Idea How Much Money Their Faboo Weddings Generate?!

"Same-sex couples are materially different from traditional man-woman couples. Only man-woman couples can naturally procreate. Fostering procreation serves a legitimate economic interest that is rationally related to the traditional man-woman marriage model." - in an appeal against U.S. District Judge John G. Heyburn II's February 2014 ruling which said Kentucky had to recognize same-sex marriages performed out of state, attorney Leigh Gross Latherow argues gay marriage is bad on the economy