Headlines, O Headlines, Wherefore Art Thou Headlines?

Proving Once Again That The Game Of Bridge Is For The Birds

"EXPLAINER: WHEN BIDS ATTACK" - Toronto Star

Because Striving To Make Their Sitcoms As Shitty As Possible Wasn't Working For The CBC?

"Mr. Honesty
Gerry Dee strives to make his CBC sitcom as awesome as possible" - Toronto Sun

 a) Dignity
b) Self-respect
c) Front Teeth
d) Other


"WHAT DOES JOHN TORY HAVE TO LOSE?" - Globe and Mail

When Recovery Means Putting A Tarp Over Your Car Because You Can No Longer Afford The Gasoline To Drive It

"'Shocked' Sobeys workers laid off at Winnipeg plant
Employees told jobs were safe in Safeway acquisition, union says" - Toronto Star

 "United to eject 240 Canadian workers" - Toronto Star

 "Michelin Canada to cut 500 jobs at N.S. plant - Toronto Star

 "Struggling Sears cuts 624 more jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "Disney cuts 700 jobs at interactive division" - Toronto Star

 "Best Buy to cut 950 Canadian jobs, won't close stores" - Globe and Mail

 "Bombardier cuts deep as woes mount
Company slashes 1,700 jobs as production delays mount on C Series jet, rail projects contend with setbacks" - Globe and Mail

 "South Deep: Mine has shed 2,000 workers and now operates 24 hours a day" - Globe and Mail

 "Sony to cut jobs, sell off PC unit
TV, computer losses mount, 5,000 new layoffs announced as firm lashed by competition" - Toronto Star

 "Barclays set to boots its bonus pool while slashing up to 12,000 jobs" - Globe and Mail

After One Too Many Inane Questions, The Other Half Is Not Strangling The Interviewer With His Own Intestines

"From the combat zone to the boardroom
For Canada's military veterans, translating their experience into language potential employers can understand is half the battle" - Globe and Mail

Better Than In The Breakfast Nook, Although Now That You Mention It...

"No excuse for foreplay at the dinner table" - Toronto Star

It Depends Whose Necks Are The Centre Of Balance

"Balanced budget is good. Really!" - Toronto Sun

I Would Probably Be More Open To The Idea IF I COULD AFFORD IT!

"Should you be able to pay extra fees for better public services?" - Globe and Mail

Hell Is Other Debt Collection Agencies

"Suicide Is No escape From Debt in India" - New York Times

Why Tourists Would Want To Risk Their Lives There Is The Question

"Sri Lanka's killing fields now open to tourists" - Toronto Star

Apparently, Nostalgia For 1950s Cold War Rhetoric Is Universal

"Russia says takeover at ousted leader's request" - Globe and Mail

"I May Have To Taunt You A Second Time!" Obama Elaborates

"'There will be costs,' Obama says
President warns of fallout if troop movements signal Russian military invasion" - Toronto Star

Mixed Message From City Hall Makes A Nice Change...

"Building trust is key for police" - Toronto Sun

 "'Arrest Me,' Rob Ford dares Blair" - Globe and Mail

Situation Changing So Quickly, Newspaper Doesn't Have Time For Spaces

"Putin's aggression makes a feeble outlook forRussia" - Globe and Mail

If So, Ouch

"Are we the punchline to Rob Ford's jokes?" - Toronto Star

 And, If He Keeps This Up, I...I...I'll Warn Him A Second Time
In Fact, I'm Prepared To Warn Him A Third Time, A Fourth Time - As Many As It Takes!

"Putin risking expulsion from G8, Harper warns" - Toronto Sun

"I Don't Look Good In A Straitjacket," CEO Comments

"Ontario's query pushed Chrysler away
Auto maker balked after joint letter from federal, provincial governments asked for specifics on investment commitment" - Globe and Mail

Headline Writer Having An Off Day

"Why great dining depends good transit" - Toronto Star

 Buy It Chocolates And Flowers?
Promise It You'll Go Into Rehab?
Take It To The Place You Had Your First Date?
What Do I Look Like - A Golf Couples Therapist?

"How do I get my golf game back after a long winter?" - Globe and Mail

It Might Take Them All Of A Couple Of Weeks To Steal It All Back

"Economic sanctions spook Russia's elite
The country's 19 richest people have lost $18.3 billion in wake of Crimea crisis" - Toronto Star

Because Indifference Is An Important Ingredient In Stopping A Country From Breaking Up

"Let's just yawn at separatists" - Toronto Sun

That Was Only The One Time, And...And The Dog Pulled Down My Bikini Bottom!

"The financial sector: Are you overexposed?" - Globe and Mail

 Let's See: She's Not White
She's Not Male
She's Not American
She's Not Running For An American Office
Do We Have Any Other Choices?

"Is Olivia Chow a de Blasio of a Bloomberg?" - Globe and Mail

A Most Realistic Option At This Point Would Be To Search The Cushions On The Couches At Queen's Park For Loose Change...

"No hike to HST or gas tax to fund transit, Wynne vows" - Toronto Star

In Case You Were Wondering Why Shakespeare Is Still Relevant

"Afghanis in Love Marked for Death" - New York Times

You Have The Right To Your Opinion, But You Don't Have The Right To Your Own Set Of Fa - Oh, Bugger!

"Calm amid Crimean storm: Investors take a hopeful view
Stocks, Russian currency surge after referendum - but threat of escalating sanctions remains" - Globe and Mail

 "Crimea crisis depresses shaky ruble" - Toronto Star

Only From The Electric Sheep Market

"Does Android dream of profit?" - Globe and Mail