I went to visit my cousin Skellan - he's the one with...the sad affliction that nobody in the family wants to talk about. He's Canadian. But, he bears it well. You would hardly know it to look at him, although you would have to go to Toronto to do so, and I suppose that would give you a clue. A very big clue.
I had never been to Toronto - Skellan's...sad affliction had kept my side of the family away from him. And, the other side of the family, as well. And, come to think of it, just about everybody in Scandinavia. Still, I was going through some serious changes in my life, so it seemed like a good time to throw caution to the wind and visit.
After I had all of my shots, of course. Especially the sad affliction shots.
Skellan graciously offered to show me the city. These are some of the pictures he took of our adventures together:
At first, I was afraid I would have a hard time adjusting to this new land, but it didn't take me long to realize that it was just like home!
How civilized is Toronto? They allow their homeless people to camp out in front of City Hall! If homeless people tried this back home, they'd be bussed to the suburbs, and, if they persisted, they might just be arrested. It's nice to know that some people in the world have compassion for the less fortunate among us!
Oh, and Toronto has such a friendly, cuddly, affable Mayor. Mayor Fjord. He looks like he could delight children playing Santa Claus - in fact, he seems to be growing a bit of a white beard on his chin just for the part. At least, I hope that white on his chin is a beard...
Did you know that Canadian bicycles are very shy? It's true! You'll often see them hiding behind trees, or mailboxes, or sheep. Personally, I found it very endearing, although I was given a start by a bicycle that was feeling playful that jumped out at me from behind a parked car. Bad, bicycle! Bad!
How I got onto the roof of OCAD University is a funny story. Tee hee - you see? I start laughing just thinking about it! I don't think the emu was as amused as I was, especially after the crate of frisbees fell onto the Ontario Premier - but, ah, Skellan says I probably shouldn't say anything until after the police have finished their investigation. ZIIIIIIIP!
In Toronto, children are well-behaved and listen to their parents. Even if their parents lead them onto a busy street. Umm...remind me why this is a good thing, again?
For a long time, Toronto was Canada's wealthiest city. It's true! There's a section of Queen Street West where all the buildings are made out of gold - that's how much money the city had! Skellan explained that, thanks to a law passed by the Conservative federal government, Calgary is now the wealthiest city in the country, and Toronto is tearing down all of its gold buildings to erect condominimums. It's a shame, really. I don't have any relatives in Calgary...
Skellan told me that the city was in the grip of an obesity epidemic, but I don't see how that is possible. I mean, just look at everybody walking! And, some of those bags look really heavy! I'll bet the pounds just melt away while you carry them!
They grow dogs much bigger in Canada. I think it's because in their cold, frozen winters, the dogs have to pull sleds the size of Winnebagos. As you can see, the dogs are very friendly, although if you let them lick you, you should be prepared to change your clothes! (Fortunately, I always travel with eight identical changes of clothing, so I always know who I am!)
You know, nothing says Christmas to me more than a wall full of sewing machines. They remind me of all the little hands quickly putting together the t-shirts and running shoes and - what do they call them in Canada? - tokes that we buy for so little. They remind me of - oh, wait. I'm actually thinking of the Yuletide I spent in Bangladesh. Ah, well - good times, wherever they may have been!
Native Canadian dress is very colourful. And, the people are so educated! I can't begin to tell you how many people I met in Toronto were Doctors! Okay, they were mostly PhDs rather than medical doctors, but they count...more or less...
One of the most fascinating things about Toronto is that it has pockets of variable gravity. Be careful you don't bump your head! I don't understand why this feature of the city is not played up more in its tourism advertising - I mean, really! - it's not like the United Nations is likely to give the country a travel advisory warning just because you might, through no fault of your own, find yourself floating upside down six feet off the ground...is it?
Exploring a new place, a new culture is always a joy, but it can be exhausting! For one thing, I may never understand public art in Toronto. That's why, after a whirlwind day away, I look forward to returning home...
