Doing The Can*Con

Traveling Hopefully Springs Eternal...

This year, Can*Con, an annual science fiction convention in Ottawa, took place on the same weekend as the Canadian Comedy Awards Festival. On the train from

See?

Okay. So, on the train from Toronto, a dozen stand-up comedians sat around me. They laughed a little too loudly at each other's jokes and wistfully commiserated with each other that the comedians in the next car were getting more noise complaints. They did not seem to be mollified by the fact that, a few minutes into the trip, the couple with the baby who had been seated across from me moved to the front of the train. They were somewhat mollified when a VIA Rail worker shook an empty whiskey bottle at them and told them that they were not allowed to bring their own alcohol onto trains and, in any case, they shouldn't leave their empties in the bathroom!

Oh, yeah. I love stand up comedians.

The encounter did inspire me to consider writing a remake of Preston Sturges' Hail the Conquering Hero. In my version, a man who has failed to become a comedian in the big city meets a group of successful comedians on his way back to his small home town. They agree to tell everybody he did a killer set if he allows them to sleep on his floor and eat all of the food in his fridge. The problem is that nobody in the town actually cares about a wannabe comedian.

Okay, it may need some work, but still...

Feud For Thought

So, there I was in the Montreal 2017 WorldCon bid party with Robert J. Sawyer and somebody I didn't know. (Having not lived in Montreal for over a decade, I had forgotten that you had to add at least two hours to the official start time for a party before it really got underway. I would never complain about my sister's tardiness after that experience!) Rob said that he was delighted with his Lifetime Achievement Aurora Award, but he worried that it was too soon; he believed he had a lot more to achieve in his life. It may have been rehearsed, but the sentiment felt genuine to me, and I thought we shared a real moment.

Then, the man sitting next to me started talking about Japan, and the moment vanished.

Still, it is apparent to me that my one-sided, imaginary feud with Rob has truly run its course. Perhaps that's just as well: life is about letting go of our petty concerns.

Although, Tanya Huff gave me a sideways, dismissive glance in the dealer's room...

There's No Denying The Visual Evidence...

I think I may have hit on a workable solution to the problem women wearing burkas poses for the Quebec government: when they go out in public, they should hold books in front of their faces. Everybody would win! The PQ government would be able to play to its ignorant base while pretending to be progressive. Muslim women would still look modest in public. Bookstores would win for obvious reasons. Physiotherapists would definitely win because holding a book in front of your face for several hours a day would likely do terrible things to the joints in your arms! Author and artist Sonia Carriere illustrates the new look holding up a book of mine for which she created the cover and interior illustrations. Book burkas - their time has come!

My display at Can*Con proved Parkinson's lesser known law that books expand to fill the table space available to them. Props to Web Goddess Gisela McKay for the wicked cool banner.

Some of the people in the hotel were in Ottawa for the Canadian Comedy Awards. How could you tell the difference? They were the ones who rode the elevator for several hours, staring at the colourful pattern and hitting up other passengers for cookies or chips.

Close Encounters Of The Nerd Kind

A man pointed at the pile of Doorways to Extra Time, an anthology I have a story in, and proclaimed, "I submitted a story to them. It wasn't accepted." Aaaaawkwaaaaard. Still, he said he had no hard feelings about it and bought a copy of the book, so I guess I can remove a couple of the a's in the previous sentence...

A young man walked up to my table, pointed to the stack of What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys and claimed that he had borrowed it from his high school library. His high school library! It's good to know that my efforts at corrupting our nation's youth now have official government sanction!

At another point in the con, I told somebody who bought a copy of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, "I hope you enjoy it." I often say that. The buyer doesn't usually respond, "I hope I do, too." After a second, she said, "I'm sure I will." A couple of seconds later, she added: "I do enjoy your sense of humour."

I love it when I'm not the most awkward person taking part in a conversation!

As the convention wound down, some of us in the dealers' room had a discussion about which science fiction award would make the deadliest weapon. Oh, sure, the Hugo Awards come to a nasty point that could inflict serious damage on a body...if carefully aimed. However, the Aurora Awards have multiple sharp points, which makes it easier for people with poor aim to puncture something vital.

The only exception is Robert J. Sawyer's lifetime achievement award, in which a globe is suspended amidst the silver spires. In short, it tinkles when in motion. I suspect even the most stealthy ninja couldn't sneak up on a victim with that weapon!

Although, having said that, the silver maple leaves given to the presenters at the Aurora Awards ceremony would make wicked shuriken!

Not that the field of Canadian science fiction is competitive or anything...