Headlines Can't Believe You Brought THAT Up!

China Eating Crackers In Bed Was Last Straw

"THE CANADA-CHINA 'HONEYMOON IS OVER'" - Globe and Mail

3. A Romanian Pig Farmer Sneezes

"5 shocks that could short-circuit U.S. stocks" - Toronto Star

 STOP THE PRESSES!
Vulture Tour Guide Doesn't Really Want You To Reach Oasis!

"Financial advisers may not have your interests at heart" - Globe and Mail

And, That's Before You Even Get To Our Editorial Page

"Bloating, irritation and gas" - Toronto Sun

It's Good Ta Be Da Queen!

"What workplaces need to learn from bees" - Globe and Mail

Sounds Like The Beginning Of A (Very Confused) Faulkner Novel

"When hell rolled into town" - Toronto Star

 "The skies opened up and kindness reigned" - Toronto Star

 Israelis Negotiating End To Spanish Civil War While Palestinians Negotiating End To Hundred Years War
Progress Not Expected

"End of impasse sparks hope of Mideast peace
Three years after talks broke off, Israeli and Palestinian officials commit to negotiations in U.S.-brokered meeting" - Globe and Mail

You'll Get My LOLCats When You Pry Them From My Cold, Dead Hard Drive

"It's time for the Internet to grow up" - Toronto Star

JAILING THE COUNTRY'S DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED LEADERS WASN'T A CLUE?

"Egyptian General's Intentions Unclear" - New York Times

For Instance, You Wouldn't Want To Eat It...In Bed...

"Like most good things, garlic is all about timing" - Toronto Star

Because You Know Weaning Us Off Our Addiction To Oil Isn't Even On The List

"Pipeline a safer way to travel
In the wake of tragedy, minimizing danger when transporting crude must be the top priority" - Toronto Sun

You Can't Derail A Slow Boat To China

"Israeli settlements won't derail peace talks, Kerry says" - Globe and Mail

Haven't Decided Yet Whether They Are "Fabulous" Or Merely "Brilliant"

"Police to review their procedures" - Toronto Star

Then, Try Teaching It To Adults

"Teach teens the boundaries of social media" - Globe and Mail

Because You Know Giving People Candidates Worth Voting For Ain't Gonna Happen

"Online voting could be the answer to poor voter turnout" - Toronto Star

Because Getting A Preventable Communicable Disease Like Measles Is Actually A Reasonable Life Choice?

"Health fascists embark on another meddling crusade" - Toronto Star

Everybody Hated The Talking Paper Clip, Just Like They'd Hate Any Know-it-all

"What anthropomorphism gets right" - Globe and Mail

Like The Unicorn Network?

"Wireless: Ottawa's policy could harm viable new entrants, Quebecor chief argues" - Globe and Mail

If They Start Taking Antibiotics, The Swelling Should Go Down

"Designers cater to India's swelling middle class" - Toronto Star

They Use Their Competition's Corpses As Fertilizer

"A business built on organic growth" - Globe and Mail

Because Assimilation Is Much More Morally Acceptable (Just Ask The Borg)

"Genocide not goal of aboriginal policy" - Toronto Star

They Can't Make Quick Decisions, And They Tend To Eat Interns' Brains

"The curse of zombies in the boardroom" - Globe and Mail

Ain't No Tums Big Enough Ta Cure That!

"Wynne blames losses on gas-plant scandal" - Globe and Mail

If He's Ever Wrong About Anything, Rest Assured That We'll Be The Last To Let you Know

"Ford right to say time to let the air out of Bixi's tires" - Toronto Sun

Either That, Or Driver Was Hallucinating He Was On A Tour De France Track

"Reckless driving suspected in Spanish crash" - Toronto Star

Sorry - What Are You Saying? I...I Just Don't et It...

"Murky data, muddy debate
Consumers strenths key to reform plans - but few agree on numbers" - Globe and Mail

Study Proves You're Going To Die Alone And Unloved

"Realistic expectations key to successful online dating" - Toronto Star

Or Four Sheepherders And A Mule - You Know What The Fog Of War Can Be Like

"Five suspected militants killed in Israeli drone strike" - Globe and Mail

Good Thing The Economy Is On The Rebound!

"Canada sheds 54,500 jobs in March" - Toronto Star

 "IBM earnings slip; job cuts on horizon" - Globe and Mail

 "Job cuts loom for Toronto's teachers" - Toronto Star

 "Trillium hospital closes 30 beds, issues layoff notices" - Toronto Star

 "Avon cuts jobs, abandons markets" - Globe and Mail

 "GE says job cuts part of restructuring" - Globe and Mail

 "ExxonMobil closes local IT office, most staff lose jobs" - Toronto Star

 "Talisman plans job cuts as pain persists
Company vows to slash 'at least 20 per cent' of annual general and administrative costs" - Globe and Mail

 "38 Windsor casino staff hit by layoffs" - Toronto Star

 "Torstar reacts to falling revenues
$6.6M restructuring includes elimination of 55 jobs in editorial, ads" - Toronto Star

 "Via Rail eliminates porters as it cuts 56 jobs" - Toronto Star

 "Rogers shuts CityNews Channel, parts of OMNI1
Media giant to eliminate 62 full-time jobs in areas that include operations, production, writing and reporting" - Toronto Star

 "Barrick cuts 100 jobs as gold loses its lustre" - Toronto Star

 "TDSB to chop 100s of jobs
Drastic measure to balance budget next year" - Toronto Sun

 "Big picture for Rona: to get smaller
200 JOB CUTS" - National Post

 "Blackberry lays off 250 employees in Waterloo" - Toronto Star

 "Caterpillar plant closes, 330 Toronto jobs lost" - Toronto Star

 "Sun chain axes 360 jobs, shuts papers" - Toronto Star

 "Cirque du Soleil cuts 400 staff" - Toronto Star

 "Heinz eliminates 600 jobs in Canadian, U. S. offices" - Toronto Star

 "Sears slashes 700 Canadian jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "GREECE
New law slashes thousands of civil service jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "RBS begins CEO search, slashes 2,000 more jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "ING to eliminate another 2,400 jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "Thomson Reuters to cut 2,500 jobs
Problems within news and information provider's biggest division hurt revenue forecast" - Toronto Star

 "Amplats to slash production, 6,000 jobs, in South Africa" - Globe and Mail

 "Bank boss paid $9M as jobs cut
Shedding 10,000 staff, UBS 'has not learned'" - Toronto Star

 "Canada sheds 40,000 jobs as economy grinds it gears" - Globe and Mail

Such An Unfortunate Choice Of Words For That Action...Or, Inaction, As The Case May Be

"U. S. boosts spying oversight - Globe and Mail

Far More Easily Than They Comes To Our Headline Writers...

"The Voice still has plenty of things to say
Words comes easily for James Earl Jones when he's in character, and the now 82-year-old actor says he's still seeking meaningful roles" - Toronto Star

Try The Sandinista Shrimp Creole - It's To Die For!

"FOOD TRENDS
Buckle up for the Latin American revolution" - Globe and Mail