Thank you, Malarial Le Fevre, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we tried to remember the kind of September when life was slow, and oh so mellow, and we had a coughing fit that lasted for nearly five minutes. Our doctor has told us that we have grown allergic to nostalgia, and that the only cure is listening to modern rock radio for at least 20 minutes a day. Uggh! We can't decide which is worse...
Enjoy,A group calling itself the Middle East Cyber Army (MECA) has apologized to the small Quebec town of Terrasse-Vaudreuil for a cyberattack on its computers which changed its home page to feature praise for Islam and references to the Charlie Hebdo attack.
"We thought it was the home page of Paris," the apology read. "Only, spelled funny, and with all those extra syllables that we didn't understand so we didn't pay any attention to. We're sorry if we inconvenienced anybody, although, now that we think of it, you've probably done something to offend Allah, so we're not that sorry."
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2015Jan19.html]
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Turing...Isn't He A Kind Of Bicycle?
A 56 page manuscript written by British mathematician Alan Turing sold at auction for $1.3 million. The handwritten notebook, created while Turing was breaking the Enigma codes for British intelligence during World War II, is the only extensive manuscript by the computer scientist known to exist.
But, the joke is on the anonymous buyer: the book wasn't even signed by Benedict Cumberbatch!
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.43.98/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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The Collective Gasp Of Every Albertan Contributed Significantly To Global Warming
In the face of plummeting gas prices, Prime Minister Stephen Harper surprised the province of Alberta by announcing that there is more to the Canadian economy than oil. "It's obviously significant for the Canadian economy, particularly certain sectors and regions, but the oil industry isn't remotely the entire Canadian economy."
When asked what other goods or services contributed significantly to the Canadian economy, Harper responded: "Well, you know, things that have nothing to do with oil. Like...like pipeline manufactu - no, not that. Obviously. Stetson hats? I mean, obviously, the oil patch is a large part of their market, but...but...but somebody in the east must wear them, too, right? Am I right? Umm...okay. Those things. You know, the things that fit into those larger things to make them work? You know what I'm talking about - the things...the things!"
An aide put a hand on the Prime Minister's shoulder and whispered that he had to go to...a thing, mustn't be late for his thing because it was...it was an important thing.
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2015/01/17/009727.html]
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Everyone's A Winner, Baby, That's No Lie But Lawyer's Are At The Head Of The Line
You would think that the Beastie Boys winning $1.7 million in their copyright infringement lawsuit against the maker of Monster Energy drink would be a cause for celebration. However, the rap group is going back to court to recover the nearly $2.4 million in legal fees that the original case cost them.
"Oooh, ummm, yesh, it is a shimple matter of jushtice for my *PANT PANT PANT* pressssshusssss...clientshhh!" said lawyer Salvatore O'Gollem, rubbing his hands with anticipatory glee.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2015/2015/01/23/nobodycanbeatthebeastiebarristers/]
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Death With Indignity
Seven Canadian soldiers were killed and three others wounded when the forward position in Iraq that they were sent to advise in came under attack and they didn't defend themselves.
"Of course sending soldiers into a war zone with instructions not to engage the enemy is a suicide mission," explained Prime Minister Stephen Harper. "Still, my government told the Canadian people that our soldiers would not fight, and they didn't. Happy now?"
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0ecda-b9e6-4c18-bf4b-07b887cc32ec]
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Why Isn't This A T-shirt?
Advantages to Having a Single Supplier of Medical Marijuana for the Country
Disadvantages to Having a Single Supplier of Medical Marijuana for the Country
SOURCE: High Times and Misdemeanors
[http://www.hightimes&misdemeanors.com/ht&m/legal/content.php?bid=125&add=4&PREPSESSID=9210a3cb91u42725db609d6925253u60]
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How Bad Were They? Half The Nominees For Best Actress Were Men!
There was an uproar over the announcement of this year's Oscar nominees, which shut out Selma from all major categories, including best actor and actress, lead or supporting, even though it had an accomplished cast doing stellar work. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was accused of racism.
If only everybody would remember that the Oscars have always been a corrupt exercise in cinematic self-promotion that has only ever had a passing acquaintance with quality, they would calm down pretty quickly.
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Believing is Deceiving
The official website for House Republicans has posted on YouTube a doctored version of President Obama's State of the Union address. For example, a passage in which the President stated that, "Global climate change is real. It is not a hoax. Those who say it is are not being honest with the American people," was edited to: "Global climate change is...a hoax. Those who say it is are...being honest with the American people."
This has started a meme on the Internet in which statements made by the President are edited to seem to be saying the opposite of the originals. In this way, "We need to address the factors in our economic system that seem to be screwing hard working families," becomes, "We need to...be screwing hard working families." Then, there was the way that "By itself, that single moment of recognition between that young white girl and that old black man is not enough. It is not enough to give health care to the sick, or jobs to the jobless, or education to our children." got transmogrified into, "...young white girl and that old black man...is...jobs to the jobless..." And, of course, "I just love the way Republicans twist my every statement!" became, "I just love...Republicans...!"
"People on the Internet can be incorrigible, can't they?" said Republican House Speaker John Boehner with a grimace (which is what passes for a twinkle in the eye among party leaders these days).
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2015Jan21.html]
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