Thank you, Dindayala Bolton, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we decided not to comment on the attack on Charlie Hebdo because we didn't want crazed Islamic gunmen charging into the Daily Me offices and killing a bunch of us. Not even Ferdinand, the snooty French intern. No, our self-preservation is more important than - what? What the hell is this? Some kind of protest of the attack? Stop it! Stop it right now! We feel bad for the dead and the wounded at Charlie Hebdo, so much so that we laughed at some of the cartoons that have been created in solidarity with the French satirical magazine. But, laughter must be the extent of our support for freedom of humour. We have families to think of. Mortgages. Pets. We couldn't possibly - OKAY, WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT THIS SECOND!
You're not going to stop it, are you?
* SIGH * We guess it's impossible not to sympathize. Vivre le Charlie libre...
Doctor, I'm Seeing Political Ad Spots Before My Eyes...
These are serious times. Serious times demand serious leaders. Seriously. But, can we take Liberal leader Justin Trudeau seriously when he says things like:
"I...support...terrorism. And...eggs."
Can you trust somebody whose words are so easily taken out of context? Get serious.
This is a message of the Harper Government of Canada. The Harper Government of Canada - now and forever.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1000952604]
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The Smaller The Nit, The Bigger The Nit Picking It
Selma, Ava Duvarnay's film about Martin Luther King leading a protest march for voting rights in Alabama in 1965, has come under criticism for its portrayal of President Lyndon Johnson. Johnson was six feet, four inches tall, while Tom Wilkinson, the actor who plays him, is a mere six feet, one inch tall. How, the critics ask, can Wilkinson properly portray the President given this difference?
"I think some people are missing the forest for the trees," Duvarnay commented with a smile.
There has also been criticism of the casting of British actor Tim Roth as Alabama Governor George Wallace. British racism is substantially different from American racism, the critics argue, so how can Roth accurately portray such a virulent Yankee as Wallace?
"Really?" Duvarnay responded. "Selma tells such an important story in the battle for black rights in America, and this is what you're going with? I would consider pulling the film until people are ready to have an adult conversation about its subject, but I'd like to still be alive to be part of that conversation!"
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2015/2015/01/08/selmadilemma/]
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Courts Have Ruled That Politicians Cannot Be Held Responsible For What They Say - And Not A Moment Too Soon!
Senator Ron Johnson has declared that if a woman wants to "increase her take-home pay," instead of having yet "another child out of wedlock" to increase her welfare windfall, she should "find someone to support her." And, 2,376 Wisconsin women have taken him at his word by asking if he would marry them.
"Oh, now, hee hee, ladies, please," Johnson tittered like a schoolgirl. "I couldn't possibly marry all of you. I mean, even with my wife's money, we couldn't possibly house and feed and..." Johnson trailed off as an uncomfortable thought tried to occur to him. Then, he brightened and said, "Excuse me - I hear a martini calling!"
"Tsk tsk," said Lashawnda Yolanda, one of the women who proposed to Johnson. "What ever happened to personal responsibility?"
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1506020800266290.xml]
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How That Happened Is The Real Murdoch Mystery
To be fair, media mogul Rupert Murdoch hasn't developed some strange form of neural speech defect - this quote is actually made up of a couple of tweets he posted on Twitter. Any neural defect is strictly in the area of cognitive function.
Is Rupes suggesting that we arrest all Muslims until all Muslim extremists are destroyed? All one and a half billion of them? Where would we put them? How would we feed them? WHO WOULD MAKE US FALAFELS AND KEBABS? If not, how would he propose they be held responsible? Being spanked? Sent to bed without dinner? Forced to watch Fox News until they become babbling idiots...or, worse, modern Republicans?
Such collective punishments are war crimes.
What's really crazy is that this man controls so much media in America and Europe.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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NRA Claims Gun Shop Shootout Vindicates Its Policies
Sanity Weeps
An owner of a gun shop in Kansas was shot and killed in a shootout during an attempted robbery at his store, but he and his wife shot and injured three of the four suspects, all of whom were captured by police. The store and shooting range, She's a Pistol, offers self-defense courses geared toward women.
"YEEESSS!!!" exulted National Rifle Association spokesasshat Nigel Bellish. "This proves that the system of easy gun access for self-defence works!"
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2014-12-15-defence-comes-in-many-forms_x.htm]
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Don't Cry In Your...You Know...
EXT. MARINA - DAY
Lots and lots of yachts bobbing on the water.
ANNOUNCER
(over)
What are riches? Are they something you flaunt?
INT. BAR - NIGHT
PAN ACROSS a dive bar as two men who can barely stand on their feet feebly try to throw punches at each other.
ANNOUNCER
(over)
Or, good times you share with your friends?
INT. GARAGE - DAY
It is big and contains many sports cars.
ANNOUNCER
(over)
Do riches help you get through your life faster?
INT. VESTIBULE - NIGHT
A man who is putting on his coat stands uncertainly as his wife clutches at him, pleading with him not to go out the open front door. In the hallway nearby, two small children stand and watch, crying.
ANNOUNCER
(over)
Or, does the love of family get you through your life better?
INT. COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT
It is swanky, as are the people who are lugging golf clubs, drinking from tall glasses and laughing fakely at each other's jokes.
ANNOUNCER
(over)
Who is really rich? The superficial person whose connection to others rests on how much money they have?
INT. CHURCH BASEMENT - DAY
Half a dozen people sit on folding chairs in a big room. They are drinking coffee from styrofoam cups. A mix of men and women, young and old, various ethnicities, the one thing they have in common is how beaten down by life they appear.
ANNOUNCER
(over)
Or, the person who shares life experience with others?
INT. STUDIO - DAY
A bottle of beer stands glistening on a table.
ANNOUNCER
(over)
Miller Low Life Beer. I am rich. But, that's just because I own a lot of stock in the company - do you?
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/7amitsmillertime.shtml]
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